Raw Minds
Welcome to Raw Minds, the podcast where we explore the challenges and triumphs of men's mental health, single fatherhood, and daily life experiences. In each episode, we dive deep into the issues that go on in men's minds, sharing personal stories and insights that can help you better understand yourself and the world around you. Whether you're a single dad, dealing with mental health challenges, or simply looking for inspiration and guidance, this podcast is for you. So, sit back, relax, and join us on this journey of self-discovery and growth.
Raw Minds
Raw Minds S2 Ep. 11 - Financial Incarceration: Chained to the Struggle
In this eye-opening episode of Raw Minds, we dive deep into the concept of “financial incarceration” and the invisible chains that keep people locked in cycles of economic struggle. From crushing student loan debt and predatory lending to wage stagnation and the high cost of living, we explore how systemic financial obstacles impact our communities—and what it means for our mental well-being.
We break down the psychology behind financial stress, how economic inequality is perpetuated, and why breaking free feels impossible for so many. We also share real stories and practical advice for navigating the system and reclaiming financial independence.
Join us for an honest and empowering conversation about money, mental health, and the fight to break free from the chains of financial incarceration. Don't miss this crucial discussion that aims to equip you with knowledge and inspire you to take action.
Call to Action: If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Join the conversation by following us on social media and telling us your story of financial struggle or victory. Leave a comment and let us know what you think, or email us at RawMindsPodcast@gmail.com to share your thoughts, ask questions, or connect. Remember, the first step toward change is awareness, but the next is action. Let’s keep pushing forward together.
and, as always, we are going raw. My name is anthony to the show that shatters the silence on men's mental health. We are unedited, unfiltered.
Speaker 2:And, as always, we are going raw. My name's Anthony.
Speaker 1:And I'm Joey.
Speaker 3:And I'm Eric and we're your hosts and welcome to Raw Minds. Oh fuck, here we are, again and again. And again I'm.
Speaker 2:I just feel blah today boys, it was a fucking blah day man.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we had like major rain here. It was actually my job site got. We closed her down because the power went out. So it's too dangerous to have people working If there's no power. Right, you got no crane, nothing like that, so we sent everybody home. It was just. I don't know man, I just feel blah today.
Speaker 1:Dude, I've been feeling blah this whole month last month and just so happens we're talking about it tonight. But no, it's one of those days too, man. It's been like that for fuck, I don't know four to six weeks at least yeah but even today, like I shut my cranes down, sent everyone home, they didn't. My operators didn't even climb, they just. I was like fuck it. It's like 60k winds at 8 am. I'm like dude, forget it what do you?
Speaker 2:what's the maximum you're allowed to work in?
Speaker 1:uh, shut down on a crane is 50, yeah, yeah, but it's operator discretion as well, right? Yeah, and it depends on what you're flying. You know, if you're flying big panels, which is like a kite, yeah, you're not flying it at 45, or even possibly 35. But if, if it's big, solid loads, it's a little different. So it's more operator discretion, right, but WCV shutdown is 50. Yeah, a lot of guys will push it and a lot of guys will use that as in like nope, too fucking bad, I ain't doing it. It all depends.
Speaker 3:Speaking of guys, I just want to say happy movember guys, happy movember boys. You know, this is uh important time for us, you know, pushing out uh prostate cancer. So I just want to say everybody out there, grow those fucking stashes. Let's see those dirty Sanchez's boys. Let's do this.
Speaker 2:You ain't never going to see me shave my fucking face, so sorry, I'll support it in other ways I'm the same man.
Speaker 1:If I just grew a mustache man, I'd look like Fred Flintstone.
Speaker 3:Yeah man, but it's not a fun man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you respect the meaning behind it, but it's the cause of the fun man. Yeah, you respect the meaning behind it, and I think a lot of, especially women, don't even understand the meaning behind it or even try to look it up, because it really is for a good cause.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean A hundred percent man.
Speaker 1:Like prostate cancer, even suicide awareness. It's a mental health thing, right, yeah, yeah, so it's just like health thing right. It's just like when the women wear the pink ribbons for breast cancer and that that's the guy's version of the ribbon. It's our pink ribbons.
Speaker 2:They just wear it on her upper lip, that's all.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly. I just want to say for everybody one in eight men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime. Yeah, exactly, I just want to say uh, for everybody, one in eight men uh will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime. So you know, man, get that shit checked out.
Speaker 2:Ain't no shame in getting your balls played with boys.
Speaker 1:No, Uh, I don't know if I'd want to know, to be honest with you, but a lot of people don't because they don't want the possibility of it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's a scary thought. Definitely, man, definitely, definitely so yeah support your fellow mustache growers On that. I don't know, Joey, you want to take us off with? Uh, you came out with this beautiful name.
Speaker 1:I thought maybe I'll give you the the honors of what on something that I think every man struggles with in their once in their life well, every person probably. But I mean to, when I look back, uh, a lot of my struggles, uh, it is because the finances and it doesn't mean that I wasn't making money. And just because you're struggling finances doesn't mean you're broke. There's also a lot of mental behind that, and I just learned this today because I was doing a little research.
Speaker 1:you know, and people suffer from financial trauma oh, yeah, definitely I never really looked at it like that until today, and when I looked at some of the signs of financial trauma, I'm like, oh my god, that is me, right, like I make decent money, I have a great career, I do good things. But me personally, especially in the past in relationships, I never felt like it was enough. I always struggled with you know, that's still not enough. I want to do more for them. I want to give her or my kids more than what I've already given them. Even if it was plenty to anybody else, it would have been a lot. To me it wasn't enough. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:And even sometimes, even when you pay your bills, especially when you live in the Western world like we do, and it just keeps going up and up, our roles and duties as a man doesn't change, right, we still have the protector provider, the man of the house, and regardless of how high gas and rent and food goes up, we still got to be that person.
Speaker 1:And it just gets harder and harder pretty much every year. Right, because you can only make so much. And, yeah, you work extra hard to try to make extra money. But man, like it is a real struggle, you know, and especially in the relationships, because you don't ever want your wife or girlfriend to think that you're broke or you know she wants this and that, but you don't want her to think that you can never give it to her, even though you're working your ass off to try. So it really, really weighs on you. You know what I mean, definitely, and when I was, when I was reading up on this financial trauma, and you know, one of the one of the signs was like you're, you're driven to isolate from relationships due to shame. And then I look back at like the last couple of years of being single.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like I just feel like if I get in a relationship, it's like like past triggers, like when I never felt I was good enough in the past for somebody or I couldn't give them enough. Now I'm in a state where, like I'm the best I've ever been in life with a career, etc. But I'm still reliving past relationships in that sense. So if I go into another one, I'm like, oh shit, she's gonna want to do this and am I gonna be able to do it. And then I'm just like you know what I mean and it, and I didn't realize how serious like this financial trauma was. And then, when I started reading about it today and I'm like, holy shit, like these are real things like right, and it's not.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, you know, some people have, uh, income issues because they just don't make enough period when they live without outside of their means or not inside their means. You know what I mean. And then there's people like well, I'm one of, I'm one of the things on this list with the financial traumas, right, because you're always worried. And then there's people who overspend or very avoidant of spending, right, because they're always, you know, financial anxiety, constantly Just preparing for the worst all the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you live in your head and I've done it for years and I've realized certain things. And even reading about it today, I'm like Jesus man, like that's me to the T with one of those things. Right, like get into a relationship. I'm worried, even though I know it'll be fine. But because I've lived this a few times over in my history, it freaks me out. What if she's not gonna think I'm good enough? What if I can't get a bigger house down the road? What if they move in? And then we got to move, like how do I get out? And then you start fucking overthinking shit. Right, because it's all financial yeah it's.
Speaker 2:You're letting finances affect your self-esteem, like you're already not feeling good enough because you can't mentally allocate your money in a way that you feel that you should. You know, like mine's, mine's always about my kids, man, you know, like never feeling like I can do enough for my kids, like I know putting groceries in the fridge and like keeping a roof over the head, like that's that's providing for my kids. But there's always that fucking want to do more, right, and it's like, even if I get more money, it's like it's already allocated, for you know what I mean. It's hard to find that, that free amount of money to do the things that I want to do with the kids. It's fucking hard, man, it's all hard well it's, it's all about the?
Speaker 3:um. Holy fuck, I just lost the train of thought. Um, financial free is what everybody wants to, um chase after, right, and what it is actually. It's not even being financially free, it's it's being um, just having freedom right at the end of the day. That's what, that's what we want.
Speaker 3:Um, I don't know where that came from, but that was just split out there because I wanted to say that, um, but uh, going back also with trauma, for financial trauma also, like a lot of men and women, this goes for both ways.
Speaker 3:You know, some spouse will just take them through the ringers, right, you know they'll. They know that their partner there, or was partner, has an expensive lawyer, you know, so they'll just run them through all this until they're draining them, right. And then also that that also adds on to you know, financial trauma as well, because now you come into this court case or whatever it may be, or custody or whatever it is. You got this money, and then the other side of it, they just pretty much suck it out of you and now you're fucked. And then a lot of men I can speak on the men's side anyways, because I know a lot of men that have dealt like this, have dealt like this is you know. They end up almost just giving up on themselves because they just can't afford to fight anymore in court, and a lot of times that leads to suicide, which is fucking super, super sad. I have a friend sorry, go ahead, joey.
Speaker 2:No, go ahead. I have a friend who's dealing with a legal case right now and I don't want to say too much detail because it's not really mine, mine to say but his ex is is dragging him through the mud and he doesn't even have a leg to stand on. And I talk to this guy almost every day and he's like man, like I feel like I'm gonna run out of money before I actually have any sort of say in this case yeah you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:And that's fucking terrible, man, especially as men like I mean the court, the court system is changing quite a bit yeah, um, a little bit more in the favor of men compared to what it used to be, but it's still like it's so freaking hard to to have any leg to stand on as a man, especially when it comes to your children. Like that's all this guy wants. He just wants time with his kids and literally he is. He's at this point where he just has to bend over and take it and I tell him, like man, you can't do anything right now. All you can do is exactly what the courts say.
Speaker 1:And as long as you do that, like I pray to god sooner or later before you run out of money, that like it actually works in your favor, like it's a terrible situation to be in man, can I ask you something, anthony, real quick, and I don't want to get off topic here today, but is your friend, is that strictly a custody battle that he's paying for, or does that have to do with his assets and his homes and everything that they used to share?
Speaker 2:no, it's just. It's just strictly custody. But there's a lot more to the story. I mean you guys would probably know in relation to me, like who this guy probably is. I mean we could talk about it after the show. It's just not. I'm not.
Speaker 2:I can't really share it on here, yeah, yeah, yeah but, uh, there's a lot of stuff being brought up from his past that's being used against him, even though that's not the person that he is anymore. That's the easiest way to put it. So everything that he's been through is being weaponized against him, even though he's done the work to not be that person anymore. He doesn't have much assets left. To be honest with you.
Speaker 3:That shit's fucked up, man, especially if you like you, you've changed. I mean, I've dealt this in my life because of, like, my past and then where I am today. You know like when I went to, uh, my 20-year reunion, it was fucked. So I went there, I was there with jules and everybody was like surprised I was there. And this guy comes up to me and a classmate of mine, and he's like so are you still crazy? I was like what I was like are you fucking serious Shit? You not man, right Like that? And then Jules turns to me. She's like fuck this shit, let's get out of here. And we left. That was my, my. We were there for about an hour and a half, not even an hour, and then we left.
Speaker 3:But it's shit like that. People judge right, and that's the shitty thing is like people judge on the past. When they don't see the good, everybody's pointing out the like, the bad stuff. You don't see people going around and take pictures of the bad. Well, now you do, I guess, but I mean you in your photo atoms, it's not the bad shit, it's the good shit, right, yeah, but people don't see that shit, they always just see the bad yeah, that's true, man.
Speaker 1:Like you can do a thousand good things, you do one bad thing and that's all you remember. For is that one bad thing, right? Yeah, hold on to that shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's fucking sad, but yeah, no, and even like you're saying in the courts, man, and the financial trauma that causes you, you know, or what you've had to go through in your past when you know if you were married before and went through a divorce and she took half of everything plus and now you're paying alimony like that is heavy, man, let alone at that time out of your account and everything that you were working hard for half is gone, or whatever the situation. But even going forward now, going into the next relationship and you know, like the damage that causes the future relationships, right, just like any regular trauma in your life. When it comes to like if you look at childhood trauma in general, with abandonment issues and abuse, right, and then you're all your future relationships there's always a worry and there's always you're struggling in those relationships because of that. Yeah, well, if you look even on this side, is the financial side even, and the anxieties that causes and going forward into relationships and, like I said, I was reading one of them today and maybe that's why I've been single for so long, because in the back of my mind it's like freaks me out that I'm not going to be good enough, I'm not going to be able to do what I think I can do, even though I probably could.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. And then I overthink things and back off and now it really kind of, to be honest, man, this really opened my eyes reading some of this today about how I move in life when it comes to meeting somebody and shit, and now I'm just like holy fuck, dude, I've really truly, truly, genuinely learned something today about myself, man.
Speaker 2:no, joke have you? Would you say, like turned down is in the right word, but would you say that you've like pulled yourself back from meeting someone with that type of fear in mind, like you personally? Yeah, 100 you just haven't pursued someone because you're just like I don't even know if I could afford that like it's.
Speaker 1:It's a shitty way to look at it and like I'm wording it fucking terribly no, but when I read this and I thought about it and then I look back, is I get freaked out, I guess, thinking that if I start something going forward, even though my life is good, like it's the best I've ever been in a lot of ways, and I'm at a point now where, yeah, it would be great to share it with someone, but then when I meet someone that could potentially, potentially, all of a sudden I start overthinking, not the relationship part, but I'm overthinking the well, and then I'm looking at what they do for a living and all of a sudden and I'm breaking that down it's gonna work kind of how's this gonna work?
Speaker 1:where do they come from? A wealthy?
Speaker 1:background shit that's gonna make me feel like shit, because her family's always got money doing this and this. And then like I just fucking and it, and it really affects me because I remember like when I was in relationships I would shut down because they wanted to do this. And you know, a lot of the times, unless you're living together and you're sharing the finances, you don't really talk about all your finances with each other, right like, oh yeah, how much do you're sharing the finances? You don't really talk about all your finances with each other, right like, oh yeah, how much do you make? How much do you? Don't know. You just know that they do this for a living. That's pretty much it. You don't know how much money they actually have or don't have.
Speaker 1:So when they're talking all the time in my past about doing this and doing this and and meanwhile in my head I'm like man, like I'm just trying to fucking pay for this house I got for me and my kids by myself, man, I ain't got no help.
Speaker 1:How the fuck am I gonna go to disneyland in two months? And then I would literally just start to like feel shitty as a man, even though I was working my ass off and I was doing good and I got good people around me, my kids are healthy, just that part would literally drive me into the ground to the point where I'm just like like struggling and this is part of me that was shut out because I couldn't talk about that with someone who I loved or cared about because I thought then automatically they would judge me and leave me or whatever. That's how my train of thought would be and until I read that today I'm like jesus man, like that's it like. But then I gotta look at and, after just talking about with you guys right now really open to is like what will be enough? Is there even gonna be a number?
Speaker 2:yeah, I was gonna say is there a number?
Speaker 1:for you where it's just like okay, now I can, I can move but it's like going now now that I'm really thinking about it with you guys is like. It's like going to the gym. You know, like there's a saying when you start, the day you start working out is the day you'll never be big enough, right, and I know that for a fact because I've been going to the gym for years. And it's still not good.
Speaker 2:You still keep going, right, but it also makes you feel good, but the one quote that I remember from the gym was you'll never be as big as your pump. That's the one that I always remember. It makes you keep going back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but where is it enough? Where do you have to be like? Because if you keep chasing that dollar amount, whatever number is you in your head, it'll never be good enough. Because even if you keep chasing that dollar amount, whatever number is you in your head, you will never it'll never be good enough, because even if you hit that amount, you're you're going to the next one and the next one, just like people who chase women or men. If you keep chasing these men and women, man, you're gonna be single for the rest of your life and you'll never settle down. So now I really just just sitting here is a big fucking eye opener, seriously. But like where, where is it going to be good enough for me?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because you know, you guys know I'm doing a lot of things outside of my job and positive things. I keep pushing and trying, yeah, and I know I'm overworking myself. Because then I'm like sometimes like right now, I'm like like where is the line to be humble and be like you know what man? You're doing? A lot more than a lot of people. And the gratitude we always talk about, right, yeah, but the finance, for me it's always been a massive thing, thinking that it was never good enough. When I could have that, one person could have been like what you do is way more than enough, I don't know. But I never let it get there because I would just shut myself down as a man, like fuck man, I'm not gonna be able to do this. And what if she wants a brain that costs this down the road and fucking blah. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:and then yeah it just weighs on us, man, and it fucking it kills me, especially when you live in expensive part of the world, right like the most expensive one of them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's not easy right and then not just that, like as a father, like you're saying, like you, you, you feel like a failure because you can't take your kids to do these things while all these other kids get to do it. You know what I mean, and that pays a huge toll on you as well, right on top of that shit especially being the father, and the kids want this. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Now you've got a few days off but you can't take them anywhere this week. You're just like man. We could easily just go up here for the weekend, but I can't. I wish I could, but I can't. And then you know what I mean. And just especially as a dad you know, especially when you know you're working hard and you're not missing ever calling in sick man. And you're just like man, like I know kids don't see it like we do.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know the quality time and you know what I mean. You buy them three peasants and they're super happy, when in your mind you're like, fuck, I didn't buy them six.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're happy about the fucking wrapping paper. And you're just like shit.
Speaker 1:I yeah, they're happy about the fucking wrapping paper and you're just like shit, I should have got them this, yeah, and then it's, it's a lot as well, right then, yeah, it's, it's not easy. Man, especially I think that was, my biggest struggle was not so much the finance itself and the money itself. It's how I looked at the money and how I I operated on. What I was, you know. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you guys another question. I know I know you'll be able to touch on this if you want, eric, but do you guys pay child support?
Speaker 3:Uh, I used to, until uh Thursday.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, cause now I got my daughter full time so I don't anymore. But yeah, man, I was paying child support and, on top of that, helping out when she needed it.
Speaker 2:So here's the reason I ask is because I don't pay child support, but we have shared custody and her and I literally make like equal money and we were so amicable we didn't even have to go a legal route, so and we help each other out where we can, right. But like, how the fuck do you survive having to pay someone else like I, man if, if she wanted any amount of money from me, I'd be fucked, like I'd be royally fucked, like I wouldn't be able to afford and I don't really do anything. I mean, fucking tattoos are a bit of a problem, but like for myself, like I don't do anything for myself, man.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's, it's. It's all about budgeting pretty much. Man, when it came down to it, I mean I used to have savings and fuck this woman. I mean she, she sucked, she sucked it all out of me. You know what I mean. Like, um, and not to knock or anything like we're whatever right, but I mean, yeah, we went through some hard times and it was hard. Man, like I would end up, you know, giving her child support and then she couldn't pay her rent, so I'd have to help her pay her rent, so my daughter would have a roof over her head. I'll tell you, man, I was struggling, bro, I was eating Katie and rice. You know what I mean? That's. That's when you, you start very budgeting right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I I've been there like pretty recently, just like it. It's like, fuck, the kids are eating tonight, dad's having rice. I don't give a and to me it doesn't feel emotionally overwhelming to to do that. Like what was crazy for me is like I would. So I was off for two months in the summer. You guys know this. I was off for two months in the summer for mental health leave. My dad was in the hospital the whole time, um, and then I had a really close friend die of a heart attack and to sleep. So same thing. I had savings and then I finally got myself back in a vehicle. Like I financed a vehicle after my bankruptcy, like trying to rebuild my credit and shit, but like I fucking burned through my savings in like two and a half months and then I got back to work and it's like I'm still I'm not paycheck to paycheck, but it's like my money is fucking spent before I get it you know,
Speaker 2:what I mean? It's like first thing I do is put gas in my car and groceries in the fridge and pay my fucking bills and like that's it. But there's been times over the past couple months where it's literally like fuck, like I'm eating scraps, you know. Like, and not in a bad way, like I don't want it to sound fucking horrible, but like for me it was just like holy shit, like did my parents ever like go through this for me? You know what I mean like it's a really humbling feeling and experience because, like I remember being a kid and like being stoked for craft dinner, but like now it's just like, if that's all that there is in the fucking cupboard, my, my kids are excited about it, but like fuck, like I don't know it. Just like really humbled me, like thinking that my parents did that shit for me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean I, I to be honest with you, man, I was thinking something like along the lines a couple of days ago as well, um, where I was like oh damn wondering.
Speaker 2:Like the suffering that my mom had, awesome he'll be back.
Speaker 3:She was a single parent as well but what about you?
Speaker 2:like what? What did you find for hold on, we'll give eric a test run here I'm here. Okay, carry on, buddy. Um, I forgot where I left off there. I don't even think you started. To be honest, I'm here.
Speaker 3:Okay, Carry on buddy. Um, I forgot where I left off there.
Speaker 2:I don't even think you started to be honest.
Speaker 3:I was going on, but I guess, cause we're, we had a little, uh, difficulties. So, um, yeah, I, um I was actually it's funny you say that because I was thinking about that actually the the other day and that actually the the other day, and like I was kind of putting to to together here like the foods that my mom would make me would kind of tell me a little bit of like where we were in life.
Speaker 3:I guess if you could say at that point you know, like one day my mom would call it cheese toast, where you just put cheese like slices of cheese on on a piece of bread and then you put it in one of those toaster ovens yeah and it would melt. I'd love that shit, but it was fucking cheap, man, you know what I mean. But I would eat that shit all the time because that's what we had.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but there's two ways of looking at that. One, it's either because that's all you had, or someone was just lazy and didn't want to cook any food. No, that's all because I I've done that a few times too where I'm like man, I don't feel like cooking dinner man yeah, but you know the kids will fuck that shit up every time they love that, that cheap ass shit definitely no.
Speaker 3:I mean, like we're, we're going to like there would be, the cupboards would be empty. I mean my mom was on disability, you know. I mean she's got two kids. My dad wasn't paying. My dad was a longshoreman and he wasn't paying any fucking child support. He was too busy taking care of his other family.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean. So it was a struggle, man. It was a struggle. My mom was a nurse for all these years and then she got epilepsy and then dementia.
Speaker 2:He's not having any luck tonight, is he?
Speaker 3:And now, oh, I'm gone, he's cutting out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he popped back out. Yeah, like, there's been times, like recently, where, like I, I've gone to the grocery store and it's just to buy shit for my kids, you know, like make sure they got school lunches, make sure they got stuff for dinners and what have you. But yeah, like, yeah, I don't know. It's just crazy to think that like our parents would have done that shit for us man, like I remember having cereal for supper as a kid, but again, like I ate that shit up Like I loved it, dude, I had cereal for supper yesterday.
Speaker 1:No, no, I'm not kidding.
Speaker 2:Like I believe yeah.
Speaker 1:Cereals, cereals, the shit. But yeah, man. No, I get it, man, when you ask about child support me. I live by myself and I have to because I have two kids, a boy and a girl. They can't bunk bed in the same room. I have to rent a three bedroom in Vancouver by myself, and now it's just ridiculous. And to answer your question is I pay a thousand dollars a month for child support.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know how you do it, man, I honestly I couldn't even do half of that. I couldn't.
Speaker 1:And so that is a huge weight factor in me. Looking at relationships, even not be, I've never missed like. My son is the oldest and he's 14, and I've never missed a child support payment since he was born. But, um, having to pay all this and that, just that, just those two combined, is more than what a lot of people make in a month yeah yeah, right, and that's not even touching the bills and the food and the gas and entertainment, right.
Speaker 1:So I'm very proud of where I've gotten to, but at the same time it's like you know you work so hard to get to where you are in your career. Making to most people would be really good money, yeah, but yet I feel like I'm just getting by and it's because of where we live in the Western world and it really weighs on me and that really brings out the financial trauma even more because of you know, this girl's nice and I would love to date her. But then all of a sudden I start fucking panicking in my mind with the financial anxiety. And it makes so much sense, man, like I have no idea how much this is fucking really opened my eyes to a lot of things today. But that's the financial anxiety, because everything else in my life man is. I have no complaints, it's good, right, when you like what you do. Kids are healthy, you got good people around you, you're doing positive things but it's that financial anxiety that fucks you up for sure we're slaves to the fucking dollars, what it is.
Speaker 3:At the end of the day, man, we're slaves to the dollar. I actually watched this video the other day, I think I I posted it on my Facebook. It's three guys and they're in a triangle or a square, I mean a circle-ish triangle thing. They're all digging. One guy digs and then he goes and puts it in the other hole, while the other guy digs and puts it in the other hole. All it's doing is they're getting nowhere, right? One guy like they're just digging and putting it. You know what I mean? They're going nowhere, and that's what our life is.
Speaker 3:We get these cars, but then we have to go to work or the house, and we go to work and do the job that we have to do in order to pay for the house that is sitting empty while you're at work making the money so you could sleep in the house. It's, it's a fucking vicious cycle, man. It's crazy, it's, it's wild. You know what I mean, but I mean that's that's life, I guess. Yeah, fuck, that sucks Right. Being that sucks Right. I'm being honest, man. Do you guys want to fucking?
Speaker 2:go in on a lottery pool, or what the three of us?
Speaker 3:Fucking rights. I do, buddy, I play that shit every week.
Speaker 2:man Can you fucking imagine that would be hilarious. Do it like one time just win the lottery Buddy here.
Speaker 3:Hold on, let me see here.
Speaker 2:Is it today? I don't even know if the lottery is today or not. Look at this guy pulling up his winning numbers let's do this.
Speaker 3:You guys ready, you guys are all all a part of this with me.
Speaker 2:What are you checking your numbers?
Speaker 3:Fucking right.
Speaker 2:But you know what?
Speaker 1:I'm zooming, you know. To kind of go with what Eric just said, though, is that's why I'm doing all these things on the side to have where you can stretch your arms and feel no walls. Yeah, you know what I mean, like where, even if I made what I made now at my job and did it where I can just wake up on my own time, I can take my kids to school whenever the fuck. I can pick them up from school on whatever day. I want. I can go, take them and sit on a beach and open my laptop for a couple hours and make some money.
Speaker 1:That's real freedom. That's for me. I don't need like everyone. Yeah, sure, half a million dollars would be amazing, but I'm not driven by that. I'm driven because, for what I'm trying to do and why I get so hard on myself and this is just me is because I'm trying to do things where my kids will grow up and be like that was my dad. My dad did that and that freedom, just that little bit of freedom where I can get up whenever I want.
Speaker 3:Legacy buddy A legacy.
Speaker 1:And go pick up kids from school and I'll keep weighing on myself and driving myself in the ground like I do, until it hits. And you know, and people you know, when you're working on things and just really grinding, you know I tell myself every day you're one yes away, yeah, one email away, you're one phone call away from someone that's going to change the whole direction in your life as long as you grind, because, just like we tell everybody every week, man, you get what you put in.
Speaker 1:You will get 100 of the results with 100 of your effort. It's a fact. However, it just might not come when you want it to come, but it will come and that's what I also tell myself, because the only walls I bang my head off of being like dude I've been fucking working on this for three fucking years what the fuck. And it's defeating, you know. And then we go through things you know, especially what we're talking about tonight is the financial incarceration and the financial traumas. Like in the last six weeks, man, my work's been going like this and you know a few of the stories and you know. Then you got kid's birthday and back to school and this, and as a single dad man like I was, like I was falling apart.
Speaker 1:Man, I'm just like I'm trying to keep my head afloat and it's never been like that for a couple years until those last six weeks, and it just took a toll on me, man, and when you struggle with what anything, as you know, it's you you get mentally drained, oh yeah, where your body's just fucking exhausted, but you haven't really, you've done nothing physical, but you're overthinking and stress and anxiety from whatever it is that you're struggling with, fuck, it kills your body. Man, I came home every day for the last month and I'm just fucking run down. I'm just like and taking naps. I don't fucking take naps, man. Look at last week. You guys call me six times, ready to go six o'clock, and I was just beat. I was just run down, yeah, and I was just beat.
Speaker 1:Man, I was just run down, yeah, and I'm like I'm fucking trying here and like so many men out there especially, is like man, it's kicking our ass Because, like I said, regardless of the cost of living, our roles and responsibilities are the same. Yeah, you got to get up, you got to go provide, you got to take care of those kids, you got to give your wife and children the best life you can. But now interest rates just went up, mortgage just went up, rents just went up, gas has almost doubled. What is gas out there? Like $1.75 right now.
Speaker 3:Really that's for $87.
Speaker 1:That's cheap. That's cheap, that's cheap, that's cheap.
Speaker 2:That's crazy, it's $1.40 here.
Speaker 3:Usually it's like $190 to like $205.
Speaker 2:That's fucking disgusting man.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I drive a fucking 8 liter, and so I pass everything but the fucking gas station. 8 liter, 8 cylinder. Pass everything but the fucking gas station 8 liter, 8 cylinder, a cylinder.
Speaker 2:I mean sorry, I was going to say that's the sluttiest vehicle on the face of the fucking planet. Holy Christ.
Speaker 3:I mean cylinder man, I'm thinking gas liters V8.
Speaker 2:So you kind of said your financial dream Joey. What would be your financial dream Eric, like what I'm trying to think of how to word this.
Speaker 3:I'll tell you right now, man, okay, I want to go for fucking donuts in paris. I'm gonna fucking hop on my jet and go for paris. Go for donuts in paris. That's my fucking financial dream, bro. To do whatever the fuck I want within the guidelines. Obviously, you know and have the money to just not have any worries. Man, you know my kids not to be able to have any worries. I think, at the end of the day, that's what we all want is, you know, for our kids to have a free life. You know not to struggle. Yeah, that right there. There's. There's no comfort zone for me for that shit you know, I mean there, there isn't.
Speaker 3:If you, if you to me, me personally, if, if I get comfy, I'm just gonna fucking either start falling down. No man, you got to keep on pushing. Make all that money that you can push hard, I don't know. For me it's just to be able to do buy, go whatever the fuck I want to do.
Speaker 1:That's it okay let me, let me ask you a question, eric, to add to his question now and this goes for anybody that wants what you want right, your goal now. What is it that you're doing, or going to do, or want to do outside of your job that will potentially get you there?
Speaker 3:fuck, I pay play 649 every week, bro. That's the only way that's gonna get you there that motherfucking fast bro. 100, man, you know like, and I do all these little things, like, I use my program, I get you guys know and I find craigslist ad that people need written up and I I do little things like that. I try to do whatever I can on the back burner. But then I mean, think about it, man, we're all full-time dads here. We got this podcast. I'm in a management position at work, so it's fucking busy there. So it's where you can put the time in to do these things. But 100%, it's all about those fucking 649s and crossing my fingers, bro. That's just me being real.
Speaker 3:I've known the Chiefs too. Yeah, you know it. I fucked up, man. I should have bought that rookie helmet that was signed by him when I was in Vegas that day. Man, it was 800 bucks and if he won it would have been up to eight grand. And then, if he won again, and he did and he did, and now back to back, never done before Do you remember how much that helmet would be? Fucking? Kick myself in the ass now. But yeah, man, it's just about that, like having my daughter be free. You know, fuck, I want to be rich man. I don't want to just be okay, to be on.
Speaker 1:I don't want to be okay, I want, I want but that that's why I asked you that question and that goes for anybody listening. Yeah, that there's a lot of people, I'm not not, you knew this is just general. There's a lot of people that want the new mercedes and they want the mansion with the pool and they want to take the destination trips. But yeah, and I'm not saying you, I'm saying people in general. They just go to a job that's not even a career and they complain about life and wish and wish and wish that I could do this and wish I could go there and wish I had that. But that's it. It's just wishes and dreams, with no drop or hard work or stepping out of that comfort zone to get those things what do you mean, man?
Speaker 3:you can do it on tiktok. You can get your fucking phone stand on the curb and uh, oh, that was electricity. Uh, look at these fucking guys doing that shit, man, oh my god, they're multi-millionaires over this shit, and who's the fucking idiots watching it? You because you've watched it exactly you know, but you're just like it's fucked, man. I know some of these guys make ridiculous amounts of money yeah, but that's fucking.
Speaker 1:It's crazy, though it's true, but the percentage of those people is like 0.00004. But what I'm saying is I'm trying to get it out to people listening to is like, if you want these things, you have to grind, you have to work. That like you will never get those things just going to work and coming home and doing a nine to five right. You have to find the other means of income. You have to step out of your comfort zone. You, if people want those things, it's, it's hard work. You gotta grind, like we. Like you said, I want to do this, I want to do that and I want to do it. And I'm grinding my fucking ass off but I'm also driving myself into the ground at the same time because I never feel like it's good enough.
Speaker 3:You need balance, bro that's what it is, and that's it.
Speaker 1:But it's. If people want these things, you just have to work, or work harder, and if it's an income problem, then you have to change that. It all depends on. It all breaks down to what is important to you in your life period. Because if it's that important that you want to get that and you want to do this, you're going to do it. It'll take time, but you will get there because you're going to do everything you can to get there. You're going to do everything you can to save money to buy that, or you're going to do everything you can to upgrade your education so you can get that job that you always wanted or whatever.
Speaker 1:But it just breaks down to are you making excuses or are you willing to put in the work to get what it is you want? Because if you don't, you only make excuses and it wasn't that important. People talk like things were important but they don't put in the work to prove it. So if, oh well, I didn't go today because of this and I missed the gym because of that, Well, it just means that wasn't important to you today. But then you're saying that it is and I have to do this and I, but where's your action? There is none.
Speaker 2:There's excuses, so it's yeah I think the other part of that, too, is like understanding, like you have to be willing to cert that to sacrifice certain things right like so the best example I could give you is like I had a business and even though I was in active addiction at the time like I've been sober three and a half years I I have more skills now than I did then when I had my business. My business was doing pretty fucking good, aside from the fact that I spent all my money on cocaine. Like, realistically, I probably could run a good business now, but the difference is I'm not willing to sacrifice the time with my kids for the money. If there's anything I learned about owning a business is that I was and Joey, I know you can completely understand this and Eric, you used to have your own business too, right?
Speaker 3:Yeah, man, I had no time for myself or anybody else, even when you you're sitting down your fucking head is not where you are right.
Speaker 2:So for me, I've just learned for myself that, like that's why I'm trying to be careful with my words and not complain too much about the money. Like, yeah, shit's expensive, we know that, but it's like I have to be comfortable with what I'm making because I'm not willing to sacrifice the time with my kids. My values have changed over the years, where money was a very big value at one point and it cost me time with my kids. Then I got sober and I realized how fucking important my kids are to me. So now it's like, yes, sometimes it sucks not being able to do things with my kids, but the fact that I'm with my kids is important.
Speaker 2:So, like, my financial thing that I love doing is like when I have enough money with after my bills are paid, to go to the grocery store and just buy a few things for the kids, whatever the fuck they want. Not just go in with a strict list, just go in and not care what's in my bank account, grab what I need, grab whatever they need and then be like you guys can Like what do you want for fucking school snacks this week? Go pick out three different things each.
Speaker 2:I don't care, it's free, you know like, yeah, and that's Like that's a sacrifice I'm not willing to make right now. I'm not willing to sacrifice the time with my kids now Because to me they're so young it's important to me. But some people like like joey I, I don't really want to speak for you, but like you want to grind now to give your kids that that future, right, so you're willing to sacrifice the time. And your kids are a little bit older it could have been different when they were younger, right. But like you're willing to sacrifice that time right now in hopes to build something beautiful for your kids for the future, right, so it that's.
Speaker 2:It's like you gotta be willing to sacrifice certain things, like for me, like I know, owning a business isn't for me, man, I would much rather just go to my fucking job, do my job, come home, this, this thing that we're doing here. I fucking love doing this and it works out perfectly for me because my kids are already in bed by the time we do this. This has never affected my time with my kids, which I love, so it's like this doesn't cost me any time with my kids, yeah this is also something that fills my cup too.
Speaker 2:So this doesn't feel like. I don't think there's ever been a situation in doing this where it's ever felt like work to me. You know what I mean I I just love coming on here with you guys. I love doing this. I love talking to fucking beautiful human beings, interviewing people, getting to hear their stories. I just I love all of it right.
Speaker 2:So yeah, just where I'm at in life right now. The moral of the story where I'm at in life right now, the sacrifices that would require me to have a greater monetary gain. I'm not willing to make those sacrifices because it's going to cost me the time with my kids. That's what it is for me.
Speaker 3:It's simple you just sacrifice 20 bucks a week, bro, yeah, fucking lotto ticket, there you go. Then who knows what happens?
Speaker 2:that's what you're not gonna let that go, are you? I'm not letting that go, man, it's easy.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean. Simple as that. But I I feel you on that too, because, like I used to be all over canada and I used to build bridges- and I was making fucking killer money, man, like after taxes.
Speaker 3:I was taken home between eight to nine grand after taxes every two weeks. It was killer money. But why didn't I stay is because I miss my daughter. I was missed her growing up and that was more important to me is to be there. Because I was all over the. I was living in a hotel all the time yeah you know, and it fucking sucked.
Speaker 3:It's a lonely life. Yeah, you make good money working out of town, but you don't hear about like the shit man, it's it's shit. You eat like shit you're. You're in in, stuck in a hotel with a dude that you just met. You know you don't know what's his deal is. You know you're in cold weather. Most of the time it's sort of the winter. You're working out there, it's just it's it's not a good time. Then you miss your family. It's not fun.
Speaker 2:My dad worked on the highway when I grew up. I don't remember much of my childhood With my dad growing up Because he was always working on the highways and he was never I can't remember when he when he stopped doing it, but he got same thing. He just got fucking tired of it. He's like I'm never home, Like I own a house that I don't even stay in. You know what?
Speaker 3:I mean, it was like my dad too. He was a boiler maker when, when I was younger never really he was always flying everywhere cheating on my mom all the time, just being a piece of shit, but, yeah, just want to throw that in there.
Speaker 1:I think, though, is like for me, why I'm grinding so hard, especially now, is, you know, look at my son's situation like his mom is an addict on the street, lives in a tent for the last couple years. I'm all he's got in terms of parenting, so I've taken on that subconsciously taking on, and I know I have, and I had a lot of issues with my daughter's mom a few years ago. We're good now, but there was a lot for years where, subconsciously, I think, I was taking on the weight of both parents making up for their issues or downfalls or absence. You know what I mean. So, ever since then, I just I can't stop, and you know I was just listening to you about. You know, the how this doesn't affect your time with your kids, anthony, and for some reason, you know when the how this doesn't affect your time with your kids, anthony, and for some reason, you know when I have my kids, like I'm always playing with, I would take them out all the time, but there's a lot of times and I just realized that right now that I'm in my phone, but it's not scrolling. It's not like a lot of people that do scrolling is I have to make a new design, I gotta do this. I got and I can't stop, and it's always. Even my dad doesn't even live in this province and he already knows he'll call me like dude. You gotta slow the fuck down, stop. And then every day I'm just like I come home from work and I'm sitting here like my tv never goes on. Now I'm okay, and now I gotta do this, and now I gotta do that, and it's still like it's. I have to somehow learn to slow that down, because I've done a lot of really positive things.
Speaker 1:However and this goes hand in hand and I know exactly with this financial trauma is to me, it hasn't hit yet. So I'm still fucking pushing and pushing and I gotta sell and I gotta make more clothes and all these things that I'm doing because in my mind it hasn't hit yet, even though there's a lot of good that has come in the last, especially the last year. Yeah, but for me, I think and I actually I know speaking out loud about it now is I've overworked myself to make up for my son not having his mother anymore and et cetera from the past, and now I feel like I've got to do extra all the time. And that's where my own anxieties come in and why, financially, I never think it's good enough and they deserve more, and I've got to give them more and I've got to give them more presents at Christmas. And then all of a sudden, in mycially, I never think it's good enough and they deserve more and I got to give them more and I got to give them more presents at Christmas.
Speaker 1:And then all of a sudden, in my mind, I didn't buy them five presents, they only got three. And now I feel like a piece of shit and all this weight that we carry, because it just to me, is never enough, when in reality, to most people, it's probably more than enough. I don't know, but I'm working and I'm grinding, but I'm also at the same time you know, I'm actually glad we got to talk about this because we're lifting a weight off my chest man, because this is what I struggle with. Huge like this is massive for me, yeah, and I'm grinding and I'm doing well, but at the same time, I don't feel like I'm doing well at all.
Speaker 3:Yeah but you learned something, bro. You learned something from what? From what you said, right, you know what I mean, and it kind of opened up your eyes, huge, massive, even worth reading what I said earlier yeah, like I sat here, did a little research, a little extra research, and I'm just like take that for a win, bro. That's a win.
Speaker 1:That's a big fucking w right there man you know, yeah, it makes me a, you know, a kind of a different outlook now. You know what I mean, so definitely. But uh, yeah, it's just, it's in general, man, like, especially in the expensive cities. Man, as a man, like I said, your rules don't change, your responsibilities don't change. Now, it's just Now.
Speaker 1:It's just extra stress every day when we walk out the front door, right, doing the best that we can to take care of you, especially as good fathers, and whether you're single or not. If you're not, well then you have even more responsibility in your mind taking care of your woman and your wife. And you know what I mean Trying your best to give everybody everything that you can. And the days that you don't is when it really hits you and it hurts. But yeah, you just got to keep grinding, man, and if you want that jet to fucking paris to eat your little fucking mini donuts, you just got to keep plugging away, right, keep plugging away or just blow all your paycheck on fucking yeah, fuck 20 bucks.
Speaker 3:20 bucks a week on there fuck no man, you gotta have some fucking, you know can't be total degenerate.
Speaker 2:20 bucks is 20 bucks 20 bucks is 20 bucks. Well, boys, I know we started a little late tonight. Um, I'm super stoked on on this episode. I I feel like this was a good one and I would love to revisit this, this topic, again in the future, probably. Why don't we say maybe, like after christmas, just to see how bad everybody's just financially hurting buddy, it's my daughter's birthday right after christmas, man, so yeah but if you see eric's backdrop as a real beach, you know that he won yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we just won't fucking hear from him anymore. It's like okay cool, we'll go fuck ourselves then what do you mean?
Speaker 3:you? I would call you guys. I'll be like anthony, I got you a fucking jet, let's fucking go. You're coming over to Vancouver meeting us and then we're going to fucking wherever the fuck we want. Bring the kids.
Speaker 1:And six months from now he'll be back on.
Speaker 3:Hand handling. No, I'll be hand handling.
Speaker 1:Financial trauma because he fucking pissed all the way. Yeah, man Wearing one gold chain, he's got left.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no clothes, just the clothes you have on now.
Speaker 3:Just cheering for the Chiefs, yeah, I got to make that extra.
Speaker 1:Well, I think they say 80% of all lottery winners go bankrupt or broke within the first three to five years. Oh yeah. Yeah, because everybody gets the money and just starts spending it.
Speaker 3:Man, what you want to do is fucking invest. You know what I mean. Definitely invest, man. Make that shit worth it.
Speaker 1:I heard something a while ago If you don't know how to manage $1,000, you will never learn how to manage $1,000,000.
Speaker 2:Fuck. No, I am not safe with a million dollars. I'll tell you right now, I would be so fucking scared with that amount of money in my bank account I wouldn't even think I would just buy shit because I fucking could and then it would be gone. I'd invest right away. No, that's what I mean. If I won something, I would fucking call someone right away. My company won the lottery 18 years ago, 18 or 19 years ago, and three of them bought the company and they still own it, but back when it was Super 7, they won it.
Speaker 1:Well, Anthony, I think this is your cue.
Speaker 2:We'll shut her down. I feel like there's a ton of other stuff we could talk about too, like I didn't even touch on my bankruptcy shit tonight.
Speaker 3:We could talk about that definitely we'll open the scan bigger later. Yeah, yeah I didn't.
Speaker 2:Honestly, if I'm being completely honest, boys like I. I knew it was going to be a good episode, because they all are, but I didn't think I didn't think we would get this in touch and in tune with the shit that we did tonight. So it was a really good episode and, just like you said, joy like I I fucking realized in the midst of the episode that like, yeah, like time with my kids is more valuable to me than money like that. That kind of hit me too and it's like holy shit. Like even as simple as the fucking gym man, I wanted to go to the gym today and I got sidetracked with my kids. There was a hot second where I was fucking upset that I didn't go to the gym and I'm like, listen, you wanted to. Like you built a life to spend time with your kids. That's what you fucking did. Don't be mad, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Yeah honestly, man, the gym's always going to be there. Your kids may not. You know what I mean. As they grow up, you're going to miss those times, right so?
Speaker 1:yeah, he just, he just might regret it a little bit in the summer when he takes his shirt off.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll never be big as you, man Fuck.
Speaker 3:Just get one of those shirts, man, that's got the abs already on it.
Speaker 2:We'll get you a bodysuit. There we go. We'll just fucking buy our own abs when we win the lottery.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there you go Fuck it. Let's go to Turkey and buy some abs. Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 1:I'm going to get pec implants.
Speaker 2:As soon as you get that fucking money. Yep Well we'll just wait a quick second here for Eric to come back. He's been talking shit About your internet all fucking week and you haven't gone out once. He's been out like 20 times this whole episode.
Speaker 3:I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I think it's the program that we use.
Speaker 3:No, the storm is really bad here today.
Speaker 2:Is it?
Speaker 3:still raining there. I don't know if it's raining.
Speaker 2:A little bit. Yeah, alright, boys, this has been a fucking beautiful episode, as always. Next week we have Wes Is.
Speaker 3:Wes next week. Yeah, fuck, yeah, we do.
Speaker 2:That's going to be a sick fucking episode. I'm super excited for that.
Speaker 1:So he's a motivational speaker that travels across America.
Speaker 2:Yeah, talks in schools, colleges. What do you say? Like straight from like public School all the way up to like universities or whatever? Yeah, I fucking love that dude's energy man. I'm super excited for next week. So we will see you guys next week. Don't hesitate to leave us a review, give us a follow, smash that subscribe button and, uh, we appreciate everybody who listens every week. Thank you guys, love you. Thanks for watching.
