Raw Minds
Welcome to Raw Minds, the podcast where we explore the challenges and triumphs of men's mental health, single fatherhood, and daily life experiences. In each episode, we dive deep into the issues that go on in men's minds, sharing personal stories and insights that can help you better understand yourself and the world around you. Whether you're a single dad, dealing with mental health challenges, or simply looking for inspiration and guidance, this podcast is for you. So, sit back, relax, and join us on this journey of self-discovery and growth.
Raw Minds
Raw Minds S2 Ep. 7 - Failure: Your Power or Your Prison
In this deeply reflective episode of Raw Minds, hosts Erick, Joey, and Anthony tackle the profound question: is failure your greatest source of power or the prison that traps you in fear? Drawing from their own life experiences, they delve into how failure can shape us—either as a stepping stone to growth or as a force that keeps us confined. The hosts share personal stories of how they’ve confronted failure head-on, from career setbacks to personal challenges, and how they’ve used those moments as opportunities for learning and transformation.
The episode highlights the psychological barriers that failure creates, such as feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, but also the resilience that emerges when one chooses to see failure as a teacher rather than a threat. Erick discusses how the fear of failure almost held him back from launching the podcast and how embracing that fear ultimately led to the success and global reach of Raw Minds. Joey and Anthony share stories from their own journeys, whether it's overcoming professional obstacles or personal relationships that seemed to falter.
Listeners will gain valuable insights into reframing their relationship with failure. The hosts explore practical strategies for overcoming the paralysis of fear, including how to embrace vulnerability, set achievable goals, and use failure as a feedback loop for self-improvement. They also touch on the societal pressures that make failure seem like the end of the road, especially for men, and offer a fresh perspective on how to redefine success on your own terms.
Whether you’re struggling with self-doubt or feeling trapped by past failures, this episode is a powerful reminder that failure is neither the enemy nor the final chapter. Instead, it's the fuel for your next breakthrough. The conversation will challenge you to ask yourself: will failure be the power that propels you forward or the prison that holds you back?
Call-to-action (COA): If you’ve dealt with toxic surroundings or have your own experiences with bad apples, we want to hear from you. Drop us a comment, share your story, or leave a review to help others who might be going through the same thing. You can also reach out to us at Rawmindspodcast@gmail.com. Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share this episode with someone who might need it.
yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome back everybody to the show where we shatter the silence on men's mental health.
Speaker 2:We are unedited, unfiltered and, as always, we are going raw.
Speaker 1:I'm anthony my name is joey and I'm eric, and we're your hosts, and welcome to raw minds yeah, buddy, if you guys are just tuning in tonight for the first time, stick around. You guys don't want to miss it. We are here every week. And for anyone else that's already been following us or not, hit the like button, subscribe. Hit us up on our email rawmindspodcasts at gmailcom. We would love to hear from you guys. Hit us up. Here we go.
Speaker 3:Episode 7, boys, this is crazy.
Speaker 2:It's been a season.
Speaker 3:Season two, season two yes, Season two Forgot to say that it's been a crazy weekend. You know we've finally hit our traction. I have to say it's, it's picking up and, uh, I just want to say thank you to everybody that's, you know, reached out or um, followed us, subscribed us, listened to us, just even said thank you.
Speaker 1:You know, we really appreciate all that, and all the countries that we're in too, you know that's that's pretty amazing, so thank you for yeah, we're uh, yeah, yeah, we've actually been picking up traction for a while, but it's really starting to really pop off, yeah, and it's a little overwhelming but exciting. So we thank you all. And now, what did you say the other day, eric? That we're now really growing in Russia.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, definitely Love it. Go Putin, oh my God.
Speaker 1:Just kidding and we're canceled and episode over.
Speaker 3:That was great, guys. Take care. Yeah, you can send your emails to anthony at rawminescom all the hate mail you can go to him.
Speaker 2:He's got his own direct email, okay yeah I do want to say though, boys like I'm, I'm super excited, like for tonight, not only tonight, but like to start getting some really cool guests on too. Yeah and uh, getting getting to hear some people's stories, some fucking miracles, man, you know like we've all been through shit. We we've talked our stories and I just feel like it's going to be a whirlwind of of interviewing some really interesting people and giving them a fucking sweet platform to to share their story and their triumphs and shit too.
Speaker 1:So definitely looking forward to it. Yeah, that's. You know we're not just about, uh, talking about all our problems and things that we've gone through, but we're also huge on the other side of that and the successes and the growth. And that's why we're sitting here tonight talking to you guys, and everyone listening is to help you, at least try to give you guys some tools to come out of that so you know that there's better days on the other end, because when you're in that deep, dark depressions and really lows of your life, you really feel like there's no end. You just want it to end.
Speaker 1:You don't see a light, you don't see better in the future, you don't see positive outcomes out of this situation or out of these traumatic experiences that you guys have had to deal with. Right, and we've all lived it and we've all been there and it's truly uh, it really is a struggle to find a way to get out of that, but I promise you that we are living proof of that and a lot of people are that you just got to put in the work and really find the outlets that help you and do the positive things and start making positive changes and not go down the you know the wrong road, yeah Right, positive changes and not go down the you know the wrong road, yeah right. So there, there's always light at the end of the tunnel and whatever it is that you guys are feeling. Just know that it's temporary.
Speaker 2:It doesn't feel like it, but I promise you it is temporary so, yeah, you know, what it is for me, too, is is, like, the reason I love doing this is because there was a point in my life where I was like solo and someone took the time to sit with me while I was down there until I got out of there. Yeah, so the only thing I fucking know how to do is to sit with people while they're down there until they get out of there. You know, like I that's one thing I fucking pride myself on someone took the time to hear my story and hear what I was about and and offered me guidance on how to get out, and the only thing you can do, man, in life, is just fucking give that shit back. That's that's my favorite part about this hanging forward. So if you're struggling, yeah, like, reach out because, like, even if you're in it, just fucking give that shit back. That's my favorite part about this.
Speaker 3:Hang it forward.
Speaker 2:So if you're struggling, yeah, reach out, because even if you're in it, if you're willing to come on and be vulnerable, we would fucking love to have you. Because it's not judgment, it's we want everybody to succeed. Funny enough, we're going to talk about the fear of failure tonight. We want everybody to succeed. And if we can help in to talk about the fear of failure tonight, we want everybody to succeed. And if we can help in any way, if it's just a matter of sitting down there with you, then that's why we're here right, Exactly, man.
Speaker 3:We also want to hear, though, you know, like Joey said, like inspirational stuff, or if you're a doctor or a counselor and you want to come on and touch on stuff. You know we're all about that too, and stuff that you've done for the community, that will, you know, maybe help someone or inspire someone too. So you know we're we want it all, man, we want it all.
Speaker 2:Couple tools. Who care about the tools? Yeah, buddy, new motto.
Speaker 1:Fuck, I live my life being a tool well this episode, fear failure yeah, that's what we are gonna hammer down tonight on is the fear of failure it's a big one, that is massive, especially with men.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and every man at one point of their life has felt that fear. Yeah, you know and that's part of the main reason behind why we started the show is on how hard not saying that being a woman is hard by any means. But on a man's side, on, you know how society puts that weight on our shoulders to be the provider, the protector. You know, take care of the bills for the most part, this and that when you're really trying, there's always a fear that you'll never be good enough for your children, or a fear of not succeeding at your job, or a fear of letting your wife and girlfriend down. Right, because you are the man. Technically that's your job.
Speaker 1:But you know, speaking from experiences, I feel it all the time. You know, and when you live in a part of the world where it is so damn expensive, you know our responsibilities, don't change Our roles. Don't change our roles, don't change right, it's so. It makes it even tougher and harder. Like I struggle sometimes knowing that I have a really great job making good money, but then it feels some days where I'm just defeated. I'm just like, aren't I supposed to be a lot better than I am like I'm doing okay, but you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:just that feeling of like, yeah, doing that, having that extra having that extra to do this and wanting to do that, and you know and, and it's it really brings you down and I feel it and we all feel it, and as a man, man, we struggle with that shit daily, you know, and you feel like you know, when you like, when it's your kids birthday or Christmas, and you want to buy them, all these things that you want to do, but you can only afford this, this and this, even though they're good with it to you, you just felt like you just let them down completely. You know, or you wanted to buy your wife that ring, but you can only afford that ring, or it, you know, and she might still love it, but you, in your mind, you're like that's not what I wanted to do and you know, just, it's all different levels of the fear of failing right, yeah, of just letting people down. That's that's exactly what it is. It's just you fear letting the people that you're supposed to be providing for and protect down. Yeah, it's not just financial, but financial is a huge part in that. Rolls into your mental health, yeah, which then snowballs into every other aspect of your life because you're so stressed out and struggling over here.
Speaker 1:Now it's starting to bring down. You know, your relationship with your wife and girlfriend, your relationship with your kids. Not saying that you're um mean, or the way you treat them is just you start to shut down. You're not present, and we talk about this all the time, right? If only thing you can think about is not being good enough, not be able to do this well, you're not present with everything else that you're. You're doing in your life, right when you're playing with your children, or your wife is now oh, I would love to do this and in your mind you're like struggling, you're just like I don't know how I can give her that, and then you just feel shittier, yeah, or you know, and stuff like that, right, so there's always that in the back of our minds as a man, whether it's financial or not, of letting the people down that you, you're supposed to be providing for protecting I totally agree.
Speaker 3:You know, um, there's also the fears and emotional response that makes people, you know, avoid trying new things, um, due to a fear of not succeeding. Right, that's a big thing too, and it can show up in different ways anxiety you know you're quitting. You're you quit before you start, because you know you've already failed. In your head, you know, like, like I said on other episodes before, I think I I heard Will Smith talk about it, where he said he was going to the airplane, he's going to jump out of a plane, and he's like, hours before he's supposed to go, you know he's in his head and he's like, know, this is scary, like I'm gonna jump out of a plane, you know. And then, as he's driving there, he's like, oh no, I can't do this, what do you mean? Like it's I'm, I'm, I'm gonna fall, my parachute's not gonna open, like I'm scared.
Speaker 3:And then by the time he's in the plane and he's ready to like jump, he doesn't want to go, and the guy like jumps out because he's connected to him, and then it was the best thing that he did. So he built up this whole fear in his head and had all these things go wrong in his head and he didn't even really get to enjoy the whole process to get to it because he was too afraid of what may happen when he's living. He should have been just living in the moment and enjoying it and at the end of the day he wants to jump again Cause he liked it. He had a great time.
Speaker 2:So I think being in our own heads is the most dangerous place, and we again, we've talked about this too being in your head is the most dangerous place, and I heard someone say one time and it was really profound I've had arguments with people who aren't even in the same room as me, because it's all happening up in here, right, we try to play out the scenarios in our heads and that's where we fail. Like you said, eric, we fail in here before we even initiate or take action towards anything, because we fail in here. Failing here and, above and beyond that, the financial stuff too.
Speaker 2:It's emotional stuff too. Right, like society says, we can't cry, like if, if I show my emotions to my kids, then I'm a weak parent. That's not true at all. I want my fucking son, I don't want my son to see me cry, but like, if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen because I want him to know that it's safe and it's okay to express how you feel. Because I'll tell you right now, 30 plus years of suppressed emotions is a motherfucker to deal with later on in life. Definitely.
Speaker 3:We're all living examples of that that's why we're here, yeah, yeah, that's why we're doing it yeah you know.
Speaker 3:But we understand right, we, we, and why we do this is because we've we've felt pain, you know, we've we felt the fear. I mean everybody's felt this fear, this is it's everybody's felt this, but I mean we, we've, we, we don't want people to go through this. So this is why we do this on this platform, you know, to help people and know that you're not alone, you know, and it's worth living, because that's the biggest problem right now is suicide, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, and another thing too, as I mentioned it once before, is it's. It's all about changing your perspective on things as well. Right, yeah, it can either be your power or your prison. Which one's it going to be? And, just like Anthony said and I am so guilty of it, like it's. That's where the self-sabotage comes in, because you're creating scenarios that hasn't even happened yet in your mind. Oh, this could go wrong, this could go wrong, overthinking this could go wrong, and then you don't even start, like you said, or then you know.
Speaker 1:But people need to understand, though and this is where the perspective needs to change is that failure is a part of the process, because you have to get it wrong before you get it right. Yeah, yep, right, you have to get it wrong before you get it right. But, but we, especially as men, we struggle so hard to just in the failure of saying that out loud or feeling like that is just like you just let everybody down. And I understand it. I truly do, because I, I still, you know, it still goes through my mind Like, just like you said, we all deal with day-to-day struggles that come up, and that's one of them for me.
Speaker 1:I always feel as much positive things as I'm doing, especially in my point of life now. I still feel that way sometimes. I still look in the mirror sometimes and people are like, oh, you're doing a great job, but then, when I'm alone and I look in the mirror, it feels like I'm not doing anything right, because there's always that weight, you know, and we talk about the, the, the backpack of bricks that we carry every day as a man when we leave our house trying to lose that weight and sometimes you know you get caught up in not being self-aware that way and we unintentionally add more weight and more bricks. Right, and I still do it, we all do. That's, that's life, but it's, it's definitely. The fear of failure is definitely probably one of the hardest things to feel as a man, or worried or scared of is, is that failure of letting your children down, letting your family down, you know, letting your work colleagues down, especially when you know that you're genuinely trying, and then you just keep hitting brick walls. You know, yeah.
Speaker 1:You feel defeated. And I feel that and you know we had this conversation off air man, I just I work my ass off man, and then some days I'm just like we shake our heads because we feel defeated. You just want to throw in the towel, but I mean, the only way you're going to lose and actually fails if you quit.
Speaker 3:It's true. It's true, man, it's failure.
Speaker 1:The only way you fail is if you quit.
Speaker 3:You know, what really pisses me off is that you know, society matches fear with, I would say, weakness. You know, especially in men they put that together. So if you are afraid, that means you're weak, and I I. That's not right at all, not at all, you know I can understand that definitely definitely but yeah, because we gotta be the protectors, right, we gotta.
Speaker 1:Why are you scared? You're supposed to be the man exactly why. You know what I mean. You gotta suck it up, you know? Don't cry, man up, put your fucking shoes on and get her done the shit pisses me off, man, because we scared every day yeah, yeah, man.
Speaker 1:I mean, we're scared man, every day we're worried. We're not scared, but worried, we're stressed, we're worried. That fear, you know, and it's really hard to. As you know, a lot of men out there are doing jobs, for example, that they hate, you know, but it might be decent money, but they only keep doing it because they have to pay the rent to take care of their family, and I commend them, you know.
Speaker 1:And then there's a fear of leaving that when you have someone to take care of to really do what you want to do, and people get so stuck and they just live a life of, basically, you know, misery and they don't live their life right, because now we have all these people to look after and take care of. But if I'm worried that if I leave this job I might not make it working for myself or taking that leap of faith, so they don't, because there's a fear of failure. And then what happens in that fear of failure? Well, now you just let your whole family down because now you can't pay the mortgage if it didn't work, and that's the stories we're playing in our head. Yeah, so you just stay where you are because even if you're just getting by, but at least you're getting by, and that's how they think, yeah well, what about this?
Speaker 3:what about the pressure to always appear successful? That increases fear?
Speaker 2:definitely to appear successful if your mindset's right, it shouldn't matter.
Speaker 3:But I mean, look at the world we live in. Everybody's in a rush to go everywhere you know what I mean. And everybody wants the nice stuff, the best car, the nicest clothes. And then you go through all that, you try to appear successful and then at the end of the day say you spend all your money because all your friends got all Versace stuff. So you went out and spent all your money. Now you got a Versace shirt, but now you got no money to feed yourself.
Speaker 1:No, money to feed yourself. I think that stems from low self-esteem in people and caring what other people think.
Speaker 2:External validation.
Speaker 1:External validation, because if you genuinely didn't care what people think, you wouldn't give a shit if you had a Versace t-shirt on or an Adidas t-shirt on.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but it still follows under fear. You know what I mean. Because you're afraid that you're not going to fit in if you don't have that stuff.
Speaker 1:But again, that goes to the validation of caring what other people think. Definitely Now, I think, if you look like maybe a fear of success, because you want to be successful for your family, so it's a bit of a shift in the mindset. Like Anthony was saying, there's the people that like, there's that saying that everyone's going broke trying to look rich, stunt for the gram. Look at my new fucking fifty thousand dollar watch. But they're sleeping on a mattress in their mom's basement suite. Yeah, exactly, you know what I mean. Yeah, they got a brand new convertible bmw in the driveway but they're paying sixteen hundred dollars a month for a car payment. Then they can't even afford the premium gas to put in it I think that's called stupidity bro well, it is, but that's the external validation that people are looking for right yeah
Speaker 1:so if you are like that, you really because I used to be like that and I used to think having a nice car would make me feel better and when other people said I got a nice ride and I look good in my ride, I would feel better yeah, when reality is, I made stupid financial decisions trying to be like that because I had no self-worth, I had low self-esteem and instead I basically bought stupid sports cars that cost me more than half the people's rent and two weeks after buying it, not only did I just still feel shitty as I did before I bought it, but now I'm extremely like way more in debt, which just stressed myself out even more. You know what I mean. So it it's all about getting to a place in your life with high self worth and bringing your self-esteem up so you don't feel like you have to impress other people and be like that, looking for that validation. And most people don't even start their own businesses or their crafts or whatever they want to get into is because of other people's opinions. And that fear right, because that's a huge fear in most people Because one person on the internet said their fucking design was stupid or whatever business they want to start and they're all excited and one person cuts it down and now they just feel shitty about it and like, oh, I'm not going to start it because I think everyone thinks that. But people need to realize there's so many people like you're not going to please everybody anyways, you can't, so why? But people don't see that, they just see the negative and like now I just feel shitty. But because they're not confident in themselves. Right, like they. That's why they keep.
Speaker 1:Most people fear the opinions of other people is because they have no self-confidence. They don't want to feel, they don't want to hear something that they're already telling themselves in their head. Right, because if you feel that you are a failure or you think that the world is this way, you will find that that's what you're putting out there. So you are subconsciously, indirectly, looking for that. Right, because you will find it. So if you think that you're fat, you think you're not smart enough and you think my products are stupid, you're going to draw the people that are going to reinforce that and and remind that. That is true. So you're gonna believe that. But once you get to a point with whatever it is that you're doing with your life and you actually believe in yourself and put in that effort and and shut down and shut out the haters and the people talking shit. That's where your self-confidence comes up. And then, all of a sudden, you're starting to draw in the people that actually love what you're doing and promote, and you know what I mean.
Speaker 3:That's just how it works with the universe man.
Speaker 1:but if you feel that way about yourself all the time and you're always down on yourself and I'm ugly and I'm this, I'm not the world is going to show you that, because that's what you're always down on yourself and I'm ugly and I'm this and I'm not the world is going to show you that because that's what you're looking for. One million percent.
Speaker 3:Just like relationships.
Speaker 1:You will look for that evidence, and not even directly, but you will find it.
Speaker 3:Subconsciously man 100%. Let me ask you guys a question here what advice would you give to someone that is currently struggling with fear to failure? If you could give our listeners oh, I got one.
Speaker 2:So I'm kind of in like a weird growth phase in my life. It's not that I'm unhappy at my job, I just know I have a greater purpose. So I'm looking at going back to school and I was talking to my therapist about some stuff and it's not so much a fear, it's just like in a weird way. It's like I needed validation from her and she even called me out on it. She's like you're just looking for validation, aren't you?
Speaker 3:I was like, yeah, so I just needed validation from her that the decision I wanted to make was going to be a good one.
Speaker 2:You know what she said to me. She's like you know what. Nothing good ever happens without taking a risk. Definitely, that's all it is. It's if, if you want something, you have to risk something in order to get it, nothing's fucking handed to you on a silver platter.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean I've I've had failures in my life, but the things that have come from those failures platter. You know what I mean. I've I've had failures in my life, but the things that have come from those failures are far greater than what I was trying to achieve anyways, because there was a shit ton of knowledge gained and experience to help other people, you know, and it made me be grateful for what I already had. So, in terms of people who have fear of failure, for one you don't fucking know until you try and nothing good comes without taking risk.
Speaker 3:Well, like you said that, though, there's a yin and yang in everything, there's a positive and negative. So, if something negative is going to happen, you know there's a positive thing that's going to come out of it, like how this, this podcast, was born. You know what I mean. Negative things happen to us all three of us and we came together and now we built this, this beautiful platform to help people. You know, yep, and like we, we said you got to find the lessons, and everything, everything in this world has a lesson. It's just a matter of you got to be able to see it. How about you, joey?
Speaker 1:as long as you learn from that lesson too, right yeah, you have because your. Your failure has to be your fuel for your future. Yeah, one million percent, right? Yeah, like don't let your fear, okay, just to answer your question was a pretty quick statement actually is don't let your fear incarcerate you when you're holding the key, right, yeah? You like I said earlier, it's it's all a part of the process. You can't do you have to get it wrong, to do something to get it right most of the time you gotta learn.
Speaker 1:That's how you learn your lesson right and the fear also is also because you're coming out of your comfort zone. That's exactly what it is. You're scared to do something because it's out of your comfort zone. You don't feel comfortable, you're overthinking, you're worried, you're thinking all the bad things that could happen before it even happens and you self-sabotage it. Sometimes you self-sabotage out of things that could have been the best relationship you've ever been in. It could have been the best relationship you ever been in. It could have been, you know, the best career you could have been in all these things.
Speaker 1:And we do it because and people do it, or starting that business, like I just said, all these things is all based on a fear of potentially what could happen. But that's just. You have created that in your mind before it's actually happened. Just like you said, we're jumping out of the airplane because there's a lot of things that I held my bet myself back for so long worried, thinking, overthinking, overthinking. And then, once I started to do these things, I'm just like man. I should have done this book in three years ago, two years ago. Why was I so stressed out about that? Are you kidding? Then I would sit there afterwards. I'm like the hell's wrong with you like you were so worried and hyped, hyped yourself up and talked yourself down and all this and then, when it actually happened, like man, that was great. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so don't let it let me don't let it incarcerate you, man.
Speaker 2:When you get, you're the one holding the key let me ask you guys a question then, just for vulnerability sakes. Um, give an example of a failure that you had in your life and what the outcome was as a result of that failure. Like the positive outcome, sort of like you said the yin and the yang eric. So like what was the situation where you definitely failed, but as a result of that failure, something else came out of it.
Speaker 3:Um, I would have to say, probably when I had my business. Um, yeah, I was young, stupid, you know uh, failed at it. I mean I did good for a while but then, to be honest with you, at the time that my business failed, that's when my daughter's face got mauled by a dog and she had 400 stitches in her face when she was two years old. So I mean it was hard to keep on going after that happened, to be honest with you. But out of it now, mean where I am it's, it's put me. My failures in life has put me in this seat right now, sitting in front of you guys right now, at what is it? 6 37 pm on a monday? You?
Speaker 2:know your time. It's fucking 9 39 yeah my time.
Speaker 3:We're talking about me right now.
Speaker 2:Okay, this is about me, about me, okay, okay, my bad, yeah, but no, seriously right.
Speaker 3:So like that, it put me in this position, here and now. I have a amazing job, a great job with great people I work with. You know it's whatever happened, had to happen to get me into this spot right here.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 3:It was scary. What about you, Joey? But I'm here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man.
Speaker 1:Did I fail? That my relationships, all of them and that's why I'm sitting here today is because my relationships in the past you know, nobody's perfect, it's a two way street in any relationship but through my growth and counseling in the past I really learned and we preach it as the accountability side. So for me to openly admit, like man, like my relationships, I failed at them and I and I wasn't. I never failed because I was unfaithful. I never was. I've always been faithful. I had never disrespected them.
Speaker 1:But I failed to be able to communicate properly about things that really weighed on me, thinking that they will judge me, thinking that they won't respect me enough or lose respect, and because I cared about them. You know, in my mind I just wanted to deal with it on my own, because it's not fair for you to deal with that Right, deal with it on my own, because it's not fair for you to deal with that right. So I failed at communicating, I failed at um giving them what they needed. Because I shut down, I self-sabotaged, just like we just talked about, and I and I and the the fear of not being able to do the things that they wanted to do or future plans, and then I, I would freak out about it in my mind like I don't know how I'm gonna get there, how, how am I gonna take her on that trip she really wants to go on?
Speaker 1:And then I would just just slowly, just like dwindle away mentally and inside, where the point where I just wasn't paying as much attention, wasn't giving them the attention, wasn't calling them as much anymore, because I was literally sitting here at my table and I remember, like the last relationship you know, a couple of years ago, there's a chair in my living room or at my table. Till this day I can't sit in it. I cannot sit in that chair. And the reason is because I remember when I was falling apart mentally and really down, I would sit in that chair and doom, scroll and just sit there for hours every day and you know, and I couldn't pick up the phone, I couldn't ask for somebody to be there for me because I was trying and struggling to get through it myself and so I failed, and then they would get fed up and they would leave, and then I would break my own heart. Yeah, right, when really I just wanted to give you everything and I didn't know how I didn't yeah, I didn't know how to I didn't.
Speaker 1:I didn't know how to let him in. I didn't know how to say, actually say you know, especially on, like if it was a financial side. I didn't know how to say you know what. I can't do that right now or next. You know what I mean and just there's even the littlest things.
Speaker 1:It just makes you feel like less of a man, and that was me and I just I broke and I and I just shut down and I pushed away well, let me ask you then in that, yeah, especially, you know, after my last one uh, was the true eye for me feeling that heartache again, realizing at 40 years old, at that time, that I can't keep doing this to myself anymore, like this is your fault, you did this to yourself and that was a massive eye-opener, to really flip everything around. And I started doing that 75, hard, hard, and I started doing all these positive things to try to get me out of that and I chose to never feel like that again, or at least try not to feel like that again, and really work on myself and put in that work self-love, man, self-love. But again it it always, it's always something bad that happens to most people before they change. Yeah, but I will say it's painful of that and it wasn't just that relationship, it was a whole bunch of things in my life mixed with that, so it just made everything, you know. But, uh, if it wasn't for that, I actually am grateful for that. As painful as that was, it was the most painful, enlightening thing I could have went through, because that was my breaking point. That was where I'm like I can't keep doing this and I did it for 20 years, you know and if, if anybody who's single now at my age 42, 40, 45 it's there's a reason that your past relationships didn't work right, because if they were the one, they would still be here.
Speaker 1:And when it comes to relationships, you don't attract what you want to attract who you are. Yeah, right. So one of you wasn't able to in your past be there to be supportive, be the person that they needed to be, because they were damaged. And then when you're damaged, you attract damaged people and that's why you guys didn't work. And when you're damaged, you attract damaged people and that's why you guys didn't work.
Speaker 1:But when you get to a point the best point that you can because we all deal with shit then that's what you bring into your life, right? So everyone that's always looking for the one is you will never find the one until you become the best version of yourself and truly learn to love yourself. And that's what that taught me was how to truly love myself, because I've heard it for years, we all hear it. You're like yeah, yeah, but you don't really think about it. But when you go through a situation like that man, you really learn what that means, and I and I learned from that so you know, we have to view um failures as lessons rather than defeats.
Speaker 3:You know, that's. That's the thing, like, like you said, we, we just get in our heads, man. You know, we get in our heads.
Speaker 1:Everybody, all of us get in our heads well, let's look look at like this you got to look at it like you didn't fail. You fell and as long as you get up, you will win. Yep, that's it. If you choose not to get up, that is the only way you will fail. 100,. Yeah, but you didn't fail, you fell.
Speaker 3:What about you, Anthony?
Speaker 2:Anthony, I would have to say owning a business, are you there?
Speaker 1:I think, he's what. Who are you talking to? Are you all right, am I?
Speaker 2:frozen.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you were just glitched a little bit yeah. I just asked you the same thing.
Speaker 2:Oh, am I good now. Yeah, am I good? Now Maybe not.
Speaker 3:Okay, maybe not. I would have to say the same.
Speaker 2:Holy jesus, I can hear you just go, we can hear you. Yeah, you can hear me yes it's super delayed eh yeah, you get.
Speaker 3:You're having a little bit of uh yeah.
Speaker 2:So I would have to say yeah, I would have to say owning a business as well you know, it was something that I wanted to do for a long time and when things got good, uh, they were good. I I was pretty successful. But then, sooner or later, my addiction kind of took over and I failed. And I failed hard, like when I got sober I had to file for bankruptcy because I didn't pay taxes, because I spent it on other things, and that was a huge failure. But it was a huge life lesson in the sense that I realized that owning a business wasn't for me because of the fact that I don't have a skillset that allows me to prioritize things in a proper way on that scale.
Speaker 2:So I had a very difficult time not taking work home with me. When I was home I was worried about the next day, making sure that my guys were going to be paid and all this stuff, and then I wasn't present with my kids. So I slowly failed and slowly fell apart in that, in that scenario, and then that just kind of fueled my addiction in a sense, because it was too much, it was too much for me to handle and I just I gave up. I gave up because I had to and what I learned from that was that I'm perfectly content not owning a business. Owning a business isn't the thing for me, or that type of business anyways, you know. But the positive thing from that is I learned that I am a far better lead employee than I am a business owner, because I can leave my work at work and I can be at home when I'm at home and it's allowed me to be far more present with my kids and also it's given me the free time to explore new things.
Speaker 2:I'm not tied to anything and, like I said, the growth phase that I'm in right now I'm at a position in my life where I'm not looking for a new job because I need a new job. I have a good job working for a good company who treats me really well. I just feel like I'm not where I belong anymore. That's it. And, like I said, when I was talking to my therapist about this, she just said you know, nothing good comes if you don't take the risk. So if this is what you truly believe, you need to understand it's going to be a difficult path and it's going to take commitment, but if you don't try, you'll never succeed.
Speaker 2:So true man I feel, like one of the the most important things for me is is like when I look at what my fear is in terms of like where I'm going to fail, I I try to look at is the reward worth the risk? You know what I mean. Like what I'm trying to pursue right now I'm I'm looking at going to college. I don't even have my fucking grade 10. You know what I mean. I have to go back and do three courses before I can apply to college. I have to challenge two exams and do a 14 week course for another credit. I didn't go to school when it was fucking free, so for me it's like this is kind of a scary thing because this is going to be a financial investment in my future that I've never considered taking ever before in my life.
Speaker 2:So the reward, on the other hand, is if I do succeed at the schooling. But the reward, on the other hand, is, if I do succeed at the schooling, it's going to pay itself off in a matter of years. But the risk of not taking it is staying exactly where I am, and I'm tired of staying where I am. Sort of like what Joey said. Joey got to a point where he was sick and tired of being in the same spot, so the only thing he had left to do was to make that fucking change. And that's where I'm at it's time to make that fucking change. And that's where I'm at it's time to make that fucking change being sick and tired of being sick and tired hell.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, if you hold yourself back, your life comes to a stop, because nothing will get better than what it already is. 100%, that's it stop. Because you're not moving forward, you're not stepping out of that comfort zone. You're not trying to grow, you're not moving forward. You're not stepping out of that comfort zone, you're not trying to grow. You're not taking those chances.
Speaker 1:Life is all about chances, like going into a new relationship. That's a huge chance. You don't know what. Nobody knows the future. That's a massive chance that you know what. I don't want to get my heart broken again. It might happen, it might not. That's just a chance that you know what. I don't want to get my heart broken again. It might happen, it might not. That's just a risk you're willing to take if you really like somebody or you care about them and you're willing to take a chance. But that's a huge chance because that's a like.
Speaker 1:If you've ever been heartbroken man, that's one of the worst feelings in the world and it lasts for a while. Right, look at that and everybody on the planet will take that chance. Everybody wants to meet somebody. Everybody wants to be in a relationship at some point. That's a massive chance with your mental health. That's what you're chancing that on.
Speaker 1:But yet you won't take a chance on doing something that you love because somebody over there doesn't like it. You don't want to take a chance at going back to school because you know in the long term you're going to be way happier. You know, to me that doesn't really make any sense. But you know, and I understand it's a financial thing, because we all got bills to pay every day. We got to pay our rent, no matter what, right.
Speaker 1:But when you take these chances and these things happen and you start seeing it like, you start to grow yourself. You know, you start to feel better about yourself, like like I said it early about myself, I'm like man. Why didn't I do this two years ago? Because I was holding myself back for years and nothing got better because of that. My life did come to a stop and it just stayed the same. And most people's lives are like that and they stay the same. And just you know I've said it a few times in the past and I'll say it again is, if you fast forward this time, like, whatever the, the date is today, next year, and your life has not changed at all, you have wasted a whole year of your life 100 I was gonna say that as a question like ask yourself, are you okay with living your life exactly how it is today for the rest of your fucking life?
Speaker 2:are you okay enough to be able to live the life, live your life the way it is now for the rest of your life? I'm not fuck. No, you know I. I got living. I want to do I. I don't. I want and need more money. I want more experiences.
Speaker 2:You know I'm I'm not comfortable working a monday to fr nine to five job. I don't want to do that for another 30 years. And that's what brought on the change for me. It's like I had asked myself can I see myself doing this job for another 30 plus years? And there's no fucking way I'm doing this for another 30 plus years. I have a hard enough time with the guilt the dad guilt that I call it with working late sometimes, especially when it's super hot outside, and coming home with absolutely zero energy or attention to spend on my kids because it was all spent at work, or on days where it's really fucking cold and it's snowing, same thing. I come home and I just curl up in a ball on the couch. It's like now my kids are missing out on me being a father as a result of my job and I don't want that shit for the rest of my life. I don't want that for another 30 plus years of my life in a career.
Speaker 3:There's better opportunities out there for me but they're going to take some work to get. But the only way I fucking fail is if I just stop Exactly.
Speaker 1:I will say, though, though, is in that process. If you guys are, you know, trying to make those changes, is you got to also love the process and learn as well to be humble and the gratitude, because if you're always chasing money, you will never stop chasing money. It'll never be good enough don't forget your ego too and that's a big deal, right?
Speaker 1:if you're always chasing women, you're always going to chase women. Yeah, if you're always wanting the next new car, you're always going to buy the next new car. That's just how most people are. But in this, in your growth and in making those changes in your life to better is also, you know, be grateful and love the process right and learn to be humble. Well, I kicked out you there?
Speaker 3:Yeah, we're here, man. I see you Lost you, I'm here, I can see you.
Speaker 1:Eric's not here. Yeah, eric's gone. You lost me, or Eric? I can see it perfectly, both of you. Yeah, Eric's gone you lost me or Eric, I can see it perfectly. Both of you, all of us, for a second. Now it's back.
Speaker 3:Technical difficulties, I don't know what happened to him.
Speaker 1:He's on the live, but he's not on the.
Speaker 3:You guys can hear me though, right. I know you guys can't hear me what the heck is going on Eric, you there. Technology man, hello yeah, 2024.
Speaker 2:Yeah man this is what. I heard from you last week because I can see that he's talking.
Speaker 3:But I can't hear him.
Speaker 2:I don't know what the hell happened?
Speaker 3:Let me try this. Oh, there you go, there we go. I don't know what the hell happened.
Speaker 1:We had a little bit of a glitch there, oh yeah like I was, like I was saying, man, is you also gotta be humble, you gotta be grateful.
Speaker 1:You know and appreciate the changes that you're making, appreciate the hard work that you are and try your best and I'm guilty of it still, man is not be so hard on yourself yeah, you know and and we're the worst for that, right yeah, is self-compassion and and not be so hard and look at what you're doing, and I'm that that is probably one of my biggest downfalls at the moment is I'm so hard on myself because I'm doing all these things and then it hits a roadblock and then I just feel like I'm not doing nothing and it's not working and we all deal with it, right, but you know it's you really got to learn the language of gratitude, otherwise you will never be on speaking terms with happiness.
Speaker 3:Right, it's true.
Speaker 3:You know I'm going to be a bit of the asshole here, right, it's true, you know I'm gonna be a bit of the asshole here, you know, and I'm gonna say, like people need to figure their shit out. At the end of the day, you need to figure your shit out, man, you know. Figure out what is wrong with you, what is making you feel that way, and work on that shit, because no one one here is no one's gonna fucking save you. Let's face it. No one's gonna save you but yourself. And at the end of the day, you were born into this world. You know, naked you're gonna die naked, no one's gonna be around. And you know you gotta be there for yourself. Yes, you have a to die naked, no one's going to be around. And you know you got to be there for yourself. Yes, you have a partner or best friends and stuff. Yes, they love and care for you, but at the end of the day, it's all about you.
Speaker 1:Well, it's only up to you, right, exactly man, nobody's going to change your life. But you, exactly man, nobody's gonna change your life, but you, yeah, nobody is gonna get you off the alcohol and the drugs, but you, you gotta want it.
Speaker 1:Nobody, you know what I mean. Nobody's gonna change your career, but you, if you're not happy, you know what I mean. Yeah, nobody's gonna make you a better parent, but you, so it's all, it's all on you at the end of the but you, so it's all on you At the end of the day. That's it, it's all on you.
Speaker 1:What you choose to do. And even if you've dealt a really shitty hand in your life and you've had to endure extremely traumatic and emotional events in your life, just because you're a victim doesn't mean you have to be a victim, right? True, and again it goes to your perspective and how you can look at that. Right, don't let your perspective be your prison. Use that power, use your failures, use what has happened to you to fuel you, yeah, right, to push you to be better. Because, no matter, you know anything, then everything that's happened to any of us in our past is in the past, man, like, regardless if it was your fault or not, right? Yeah, so you really gotta look at yourself and going forward. It's up to you. If you're not happy with yourself, there's a reason. You know why you're not happy. Anybody that says, oh, I don't know how I feel about you or I don't know how, yes, they do, one million percent. They know exactly how they feel.
Speaker 2:They just don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 1:They don't want to hurt your feelings. If it's about somebody else, any, you know exactly what is bothering you at that time and why you're like that?
Speaker 3:why are you?
Speaker 1:holding on to that, you know. So feelings man, like eric just said, if you understand or or are aware of why you feel the way you feel because everyone does then you really need to tackle that. You really need to find those outlets to deal with that, because that will trickle out and snowball into the rest of your life and it's not going to end well and then it'll end up. You know, my snowball came down and it picked everything up on the way down until it crashed into the side of my house and blew up in my face. You know, and we don't want you guys to get to that point, change before you have to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you don't have to be, backed into a corner to make the change. It's a fuck of a lot easier if you do it now, before you're backed into that corner nobody puts baby in the corner you know what I say there goes. Joey, you know what I always say find what phil is your cop and fuck what people think 100 that's it plain and simple, too easy yeah, what did duke newcomb say?
Speaker 3:what is it? Uh, fuck everybody and let god sort them out yeah, there you go yeah man, what do you think it like?
Speaker 2:I was thinking of this earlier when we were talking. Like what do you think where do you think it comes from in the brain? The like just thinking about situations where it's full of fear, like, for example, like me going to school, like the only reaction I have every time is like, initially is fear. You know what I mean. Like. Where do you think that comes from? Do you think that's a learned?
Speaker 3:behavior, or do you think that? Tell me what it is. I'll lay down the facts. As human beings, we Always want to Know what's going on or have certainty. As in like, I'm a football fan, as you can see.
Speaker 1:Control.
Speaker 3:They're playing right now. The fact that you know, we want to know what the score is going to be, or anything like that, or just anything that it's the uncertainty, is really the big, the thing that makes you um, feel fail, fail. Oh, now you're gone. Oh my god. What's happening? Looks like I'm all by myself today.
Speaker 3:Anyways it's the uncertainty, of the unknown right, and that's at the end of the day. That's what the failure is, is the unknown. And then that's when you make up all these stories, or you start the failure in your mind and then, like Joey says, it's just a snowball effect, like like what he said, he picked up everything on the way down.
Speaker 3:Uh, it came, but um I think uh we're having a little bit of technical issues here, so I think we should just wrap it up. What do you say, so it doesn't get messed up anymore there, anthony? Yeah, if you want, we can for sure yeah, joey, it looks like joey's off here, apologize can you hear me?
Speaker 2:I can hear joey oh, I can't.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I can see him, I can see all three is oh weird, he's not pumping up on the screen crazy what is going on today.
Speaker 2:Weird, fuck technology yeah but I am grateful for it because I got to meet you guys and we get to do this every week just want to say thank you to the listeners and the viewers for the outpour of fucking support we've received in the past week and, like we said at the beginning, this thing's gaining some crazy traction, so we're super excited as to where this is going to go, looking forward to some upcoming episodes. And if you're struggling, um, we've had a couple people reach out and we're going to touch base with you. But if you're struggling, don't hesitate to reach out. That's why we're here. We love sitting on here shooting the shit, bouncing in and out of the room, getting fucking muted cameras freezing. It's all fun and games, but we're we're here to help. We're just listening to us. Talk to each other is one thing, but we're here to listen to you too. So hit us up on any of our social media platforms. Hit us up on our personal accounts, um, and hit us up on our email at raw minds podcast at gmailcom. We love you guys, we're super grateful for you.
Speaker 2:And I got one question before we leave this thing. If you're scared of failing, if you're running through your mind all the what ifs, of all the what ifs could go bad. Just ask yourself what if it went 100% right? What would you do if it went 100% right? What would you do if it went 100% right? And that's what I'm going to end with. Boys Love yous.
Speaker 3:Leave that in the comments. We want to know what you guys think with that, please. That'd be awesome. I do want to shout out to an OG that's been here from day one. I just want to call out Eric. We appreciate you, man. Thank you for supporting us from day one, brother. Fuck, yeah, eric. On that note, we love you. Take it easy, peace, bye, peace, we'll see you next time.
