Raw Minds
Welcome to Raw Minds, the podcast where we explore the challenges and triumphs of men's mental health, single fatherhood, and daily life experiences. In each episode, we dive deep into the issues that go on in men's minds, sharing personal stories and insights that can help you better understand yourself and the world around you. Whether you're a single dad, dealing with mental health challenges, or simply looking for inspiration and guidance, this podcast is for you. So, sit back, relax, and join us on this journey of self-discovery and growth.
Raw Minds
Raw Minds S2 Ep.1 - Ammunition for Your Mind: New Host, New Season
Welcome back to Raw Minds on Men's Mental Health for the launch of Season 2! In our first episode, "Ammunition for Your Mind: New Host, New Season," Erick and Joey are excited to introduce the newest member of our team—Anthony. As a passionate advocate for men's mental health, Anthony brings fresh energy and perspective to the podcast. We dive into his background, exploring what drives him to be a part of this movement and how his own experiences have shaped his views on the mental health struggles that men face every day. Anthony’s story adds a new layer to the discussions we’ve been having, and we’re thrilled to have him on board as we continue to break down the walls surrounding men’s mental health.
In this episode, the three of us delve into a wide range of mental health topics, offering insights into the challenges men encounter but often keep to themselves. From coping with anxiety and depression to navigating the complexities of relationships and societal expectations, we touch on the mental and emotional battles that many men are fighting in silence. As we kick off this new season, we’re committed to providing you with the tools and understanding you need to confront these issues head-on. Whether you're struggling with your own mental health or looking to support the men in your life, this episode is packed with real talk, raw emotions, and the ammunition you need for your mind.
holy shit, we are back to the show that shatters the silence on men's mental health. Back to the show that shatters the silence on men's mental health. We are unedited, unfiltered and, as always, we are going raw.
Speaker 2:My name is joey and I'm eric and we're your hosts, and welcome to raw minds yeah, buddy season number two took a month off. Got some new shit popping up here. Got a big surprise.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sometimes you got to take a little time to revamp, refocus, re-energize, just like anything else in your life, right?
Speaker 2:100% a reset, almost yeah, you got to reset. But you know, as we promised you guys out there and, uh, all our listeners, man, we are not going anywhere um, I do have to say I guess it's a little bit of our bad, because we should have said something in our last episode, but we kind of just cliffhanger. So we're back, well, it was.
Speaker 1:it was a little unexpected to take that break when we did yeah, I I knew that we needed to, you know, refocus and we're coming back, and we are back with a whole new chapter, a whole new season, all new guests and, uh, especially one in particular who we'll be talking about this evening, definitely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man Well, feels good to be back, man, it does feel good, man, I'm excited, man, let's just pop this shit off.
Speaker 1:Should we just? Jump right into her. Yeah, is what we doing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man.
Speaker 1:After a month.
Speaker 2:Sitting around fucking waiting, you know fucking, probably tapping his fingers like crazy, like come on, you know so well.
Speaker 1:Well, here it is, man go ahead yeah, man, uh, now joining our show full-time. Every. He is a former guest and, to this day, my personal favorite and one of our episodes that he first came on and the day that he came on was a really tough day for myself and there was no way that I really wanted to. I always want to do the show but you know, when you have one of those days when life kicks you in the face, you just don't really want to talk to anybody. But him coming on the show last year really helped me, even, and really changed the energy in that night and going forward that night and going forward. And because of that this gentleman is now our newest full-time co-host so please welcome to our show and now his show.
Speaker 3:Yeah, mr anthony, welcome back my friend there's a applause for you bro, I was gonna say this is where you cue the john cena music yeah, yeah definitely, you know, man I have to say, brother, one of the the the things that really stood out is the fucking starfish.
Speaker 2:Bro, first time we met you, you said the starfish story and, honestly, man, I will never forget that. That's pretty awesome.
Speaker 3:So I know I listened to your guys last episode, um, when I was going back through some stuff and like, fuck man, like you guys touched my heart, man like I, I was grateful enough just to come on here and like, just be like in an episode and be part of it and be like you guys, like have this platform to share, share my experience and what I had gone through, and I was fucking stoked at that. But, like man, when you guys called me, like I, I told you guys on the phone that day, like I literally had a conversation with my buddy and I was like man, like I just got a passion for connecting with people and then you fucking guys called me and then here we
Speaker 2:are just this fucking lovely little oreo the screen tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:Well, Oreos are delicious.
Speaker 2:I always eat the center man. I never eat the ends. I'm sorry You're so kind, you're so kind.
Speaker 3:No, honestly, I'm super stoked. I'm super stoked that you guys have allowed me to be a part of this. Man, you guys I know, joey, you said that I helped you out in that day, but, man, like, even the last two episodes that I was on, like, you guys have helped me out big time. And and even throughout this process of figuring this out and getting everything going like nights sitting on the computer with eric just screen sharing my shit and not having a clue what the fuck I'm doing, and just sitting here and learning it and talking on the phone as much as we do Like, like it's all amazing. Man, like I'm, I'm just so excited to be a part of this and to see where we can fucking take this thing. Man I'm, I'm super grateful, boys.
Speaker 2:Yeah, buddy, we're happy you're here, definitely. When me and Joey were talking about it. We're like you know fit. You were the perfect fit. You know you. You fucking just flowed with us. You know you're. You are raw minds, buddy awesome.
Speaker 1:I appreciate that. Yeah, you bring the energy man and just just the person that you are, man is is not only the person that we need, but, you know, you also bring to the show a different background. Like me and Eric, as you know, we've been through, you know, 20, 30 years of trauma, abuse and suicide and the fuck. The list just goes on and on. And that's why we do this is to really, you know, try to give back, try to give some advice. You know we're not doctors or counselors, but man, we've lived that life. And you also bring a background that we didn't come from and we've come from a lot. So to bring that onto our show as a whole, we can really reach out and touch a lot more people. You know, kind of on the spot and when you know, and then when these people have questions with your background, then you're able to help with that right.
Speaker 3:So amen, man, I'm just the friendly neighborhood coke head well, not anymore, brother.
Speaker 1:Not anymore, not anymore yeah, well, if you didn't do coke, you wouldn't be on the show, so it's crazy how that works.
Speaker 3:I never thought that would get me somewhere in life, but here we are.
Speaker 2:You might be on a podcast, you know giving back helping other people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know, we don't, we don't no no, there's better ways to live and you don't have to go through that shit no, no not at all, but you know it's because you went through those things that brought you here, that put you on the show, that put you, you know, looking at life with a different perspective, even outside of the show. Right, you realize at some point at one point in your life that you hit a bottom and you needed to change. And you did and you've been putting in the work for as long as you have, which we're, you know, proud of you for that, definitely In that, you know, in that road to your recovery, to bettering your life, you know and this is this goes to the people listening that we always talk about is when you start making these changes in your life for the better and you start feeling better about yourself and your life gets better. Well, what do you think you attract into your life? Better people, better relationships, better job offers, better parenting, you know, and being present, right.
Speaker 1:So, with your road to recovery and everything that you've done to better yourself, you know now that has brought you as part of our team, amongst, you know, being more present when you're playing with your kids and you know, and just being better overall in your life and feeling better about yourself, and that's the biggest thing right, we all go through things, we all make huge mistakes in life, some not intentional. Some people just keep making them, but that's their choice in life. But did you learn from it? Did you grow from it Without failure?
Speaker 2:and pain there's no growth right so well, I mean some of like the what, like the richest man and all like the most powerful people. Man, you know they've lost everything in order, you know, and then rebuilt again because it's pain and you don't want to feel that shit again. You know who the hell wants to feel like that, right? So you use that. Use that to drive you to not to to do the right things and not not um fall back on that shit yeah, don't let that pain destroy you, but use it to drive you right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, exactly. And that's where a lot of people fall off is because of pain and the heartbreaks and the trauma and the losses. And you know it's and we've all been there and we know that feeling, we know that pain, we know that hurt and it is really hard to pick yourself up every day and function in life when you feel like that. Yeah, but you also have to be able to take what's happened to you and that pain and flip it and use that to drive you to be better, to level up in your life, to make you look at yourself in the mirror and take accountability accountability whether it was your fault or not, it's you know. You have to be able to make those changes and grow from that exactly, yeah and like let's.
Speaker 3:I'm just going to assume that we're not speaking from a pedestal of like we've been through the shit, we've got through it, here we are. We're better. Speaking from a pedestal of like we've been through the shit, we've got through it, here we are. We're better, everything's perfect. Like I still go through stuff, right, and I know you guys probably do too. Right, like heartbreak is going to happen, we're going to lose loved ones, we're going to lose people who are close to us, jobs are going to be compromised. Like, just because we're doing this doesn't put us on a pedestal above anybody else. Like we're just guys who've, who've gone through the shit, found a way and found some tools along the way and we're just openly sharing them with everybody else. Right, like you said, like I've got my tools that I've learned with addiction and I know they can help other people.
Speaker 3:I've, I've I've seen other people recover as a result of the way that I've done it.
Speaker 3:You know and this is just another platform where I get to share that experience you know, like I I'm not proud that I was a drug addict, but you know, like, if I can have a conversation with someone who who feels like shit for doing drugs around their kids. Like man, I did drugs around my kids. Am I proud of that? Fuck no. But if, if I can say that and give an example of what my life looks like today and show them, as a result of doing certain things like you, can come out of that, your kids can still love you. They'll love you more than they did before, as long as you're willing to put that effort in. That's what it's about, same with the suicide attempts, right, like? We all have those experiences and that's what makes this thing so fucking powerful, because we've been through it, but we've gotten through it and we know how to get through it and that's why we're here. We're willing to share that shit with everybody, right? That's what this whole thing is about.
Speaker 2:Well, and this is why you're on our motherfucking podcast buddy, for that, what you just said right there, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Well, you, know that's the thing is, like Anthony said, is is finding those tools to get through these things because, especially as we get older and our age and above, you start losing more family members because we're all getting older and friends Like I just went to my one of my high school best friends funerals three days ago.
Speaker 3:years old, went to sleep, didn't wake up, his heart gave out 42 I had the exact same thing happen to one of my friends a month ago yeah, and you know, and it really shows you as well as how, how much we take time and your life for granted, because there is no time.
Speaker 1:You don't know my, you know my old friend went to sleep, woke up his dad gave him cpr for 35 minutes. He was gone 42 and he was a big gym guy, fucking jet skier, fucking, uh, wakeboarder, like just a fit dude goes on hikes. You just never know man. So you know, the time is something that we don't have and we we take it for granted and we waste a lot of it and you really got to use that time to your, or the time that you have to make the best of your life.
Speaker 1:You know, and we struggle with all these things that's happened to us in the past and we hold onto it and a lot of us and I I was guilty of it for years and I just learned it recently on how to let go of things and not let the things that has happened to you, especially when it wasn't your fault, like.
Speaker 1:Look at it like this when do you think your life would be today if you didn't spend all those years worrying and trying to fix things that happened to you that wasn't your fault. It's pretty heavy to think about man, like if you really sit and think about that for a second, like the amount of time that I wasted feeling sorry for myself, you know, worrying about all these other people's opinions and all these things that happened to me and poor me, and you know I can't get over this and then you use that as an excuse into another area of your life. You know a lot of people go through through like abandonment as a child or abuse, and then they carry that over into their relationships and then they blame that on it instead of fixing it.
Speaker 2:But yeah, but fuck that victim mentality shit. You know what I mean? Like seriously, we to fucking figure out your shit, work on that stuff. And, like Joey said, people say poor me, poor me. Like fuck, poor me, everybody's got problems, everybody's. Everybody walking down the street is going through something. There's not one person in this world that doesn't have one problem. It doesn't matter if it's big or small, everybody's got fucking problems.
Speaker 1:you know, but it's a matter of how you deal with it.
Speaker 1:That's right. And, like you just said, we're all broken. But if you weren't broken, how can you not let the light in? Yeah, right, because being broken that gives you cracks to bring light in, to fix and to heal Right, but it's what you choose to do with what has happened to you or what you've done, moving forward, because the past is the past and, as anyone knows, nobody can change that right. But all you can do is look forward and don't let the moments of your past interrupt the movements to your future.
Speaker 3:Here's another deep question, then. If you went to bed tonight and didn't wake up in the morning, what would be your biggest concerns? I'll tell you what mine would be Make sure that my fucking kids know that I love them to death before I put them to bed. Make sure I hugged them and kissed them and told them that I love them before I said goodnight. Making sure that my father knows that I love him. My mother knows that I love her.
Speaker 3:You know, like, making sure the people in my life that matter to me know that I love them. It doesn't matter that I fucking got a truck repo three years ago. You know like I'm not worried about that. It doesn't matter that I lost a fucking business that I owned, not, it doesn't matter that I had a girlfriend break up with me. Like, that shit doesn't matter.
Speaker 3:So, like, even if you knew you weren't going to wake up tomorrow that's the question. If you knew you weren't going to wake up tomorrow, what would you want to fucking do tonight and do that every single day? You know you got to go to work cause you got to make money. Put food on the table roof over your heads, yeah, yeah, yeah, but when it? When you break it right down, what do you actually give a fuck about? 100%, it's my kids. For me they come first, then it's family. You know the job whatever I love my job, it's not that bad. But at the end of the day, as long as my kids go to bed knowing that I love them and that I did my best that I could do today, and that they were smiling before they went to bed and they told me they love me back, that's all that matters to me. It's kind of like you say, joey, like if you can't find good people, be good people Right.
Speaker 3:And like you said, eric, you don't know what the fuck. You don't know what the fuck people are dealing with when you're walking down the road. Never the fuck people are dealing with when you're walking down the road never. You have no idea. We're all pretty good at putting these, these faces on to make sure that everybody thinks that life's okay. I'll tell you right now. I did it for a long time, but I was fucking dead inside. I was dying inside.
Speaker 3:I was walking down the road, not wanting to live. But I'll tell you, if you walk by me on the street, I'd probably give off the same persona that I have now. It would just be a hollow shell of who I actually am. Now you know, like I was pretty good putting that face on yeah. Putting that mask on. Acting like everything was fine yeah.
Speaker 2:Don't worry about this shit in the past, man Well that's how I was, man, like after losing my fiance, and then I was off work for two weeks and then trying to get back to work. My whole life was just crumbled. It felt like I was 18 again and just got out of school and don't know where the fuck I'm going to go and then dealing with work and I got to be professional. So I have to leave that at the door.
Speaker 2:And then I worked with people for weeks and they didn't even know that she passed away. And then they find out, like oh man, like like she, like how long ago? And I would tell them, like whoa, it's so soon, like aren't you? And then they would think that I'm like did you love her? Or something like you don't. You know you're not upset, but it's all about, you know, putting putting that to the side. You got to to leave that to the side when you go to work and then when you come home, you got to leave your work at home. I mean, leave your work at work.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, like we talk in some of our videos there.
Speaker 1:That's a tough one, but I agree 100%. But you know, like Anthony said, that when he's walking down the street at that one time and he's just a shell, you know that's how I was, Didn't matter where I was Work home, playing with my kids, Like there was nothing behind my eyes.
Speaker 1:Like you know 100%, and we talk about this all the time about being present, and that's the biggest thing is finding that clarity to be present in your day and in the things that you were doing, because we only have today, right. So when you are playing with your kids, when you are at work, you're focused. At work, you know. You're not focused on thinking about which way you want to kill yourself when you get home or feel like I really don't want to go home because I might do this or and these poisonous thoughts all day, because you're struggling so hard and you don't know where to turn, you don't. You don't think people will understand. You feel alone. You know, and if you are like you don't want to tell your wife or your girlfriend cause you think they'll judge you or think differently of you, because you know, and if you are like you don't want to tell your wife or your girlfriend cause you think they'll judge you or think differently of you, because you're and this is the problem that men have day to day every day that we wake up with that backpack of bricks that we walk outside with right, we're carrying this weight every day, and a lot of you guys and and and ourselves too. We've done it and probably still do it a little bit, but it's trying to release that weight so we don't have to carry that, so we can focus on our jobs when we're at work and when we're at home, focus on our home life, focus on our family and not let that weight bring you down when you're walking back in the door. You know, and it's really, it's it's a really hard, especially as a man, to open up and talk about it, and that's why we were doing what we do now, because, like eric, like myself anthony, I'm sure is you know we buried a lot of shit in our lives and it got to the point where it blew up in my face personally and you know, you start to lose everything that matters to you because you just couldn't open up, you couldn't talk about it, you chose not to deal with it.
Speaker 1:I'm a man, I'm gonna make it. I'm fine, don't worry about I'm fine, don't worry about it. I got this man, but you, you, we don't got this man. We are crying inside, but a lot of men just won't show it. No matter, no matter who you are, no matter how big you are, man, when you're struggling, you're struggling. You're a human being. When all the prices are going up, your role as a man doesn't change. Because when the economy goes up or the prices of rent goes up and the mortgages go up, man, your role still stays the same. So, trying to still be that role model, that protector, that provider, when you're looking, month after month, especially in North America, walking out the door, you're starting to really break financially, mentally, you know, and it's tough man it's funny too because,
Speaker 3:like I thought I was so good at hiding that shit too, like not showing like the fact that I was suffering, and it's like the only fucking person you think that you're fooling is yourself. Like people around you can fucking tell you know, like when, like you probably did a pretty good job at work when your fiance passed away but let's be real man, you probably weren't as present as you are now. So it probably to a certain extent, you know what I mean. And like when I had my business, the best experience that I can recollect is what the when I have my business, like I would come home from work and my fucking mind would still be at work Cause I got to worry about my, the, the next contracts that I have for the next month, making sure that I have enough money to pay my employees, which I wasn't fucking good at anyways. But you know what I mean. Like I was never. I was never mentally where I was. Physically I was fucking somewhere else.
Speaker 3:And I remember when, when I got out of rehab and I was working with my sponsor, I was like so scared that the fucking government was going to freeze my bank accounts because they did it to me before I had lived in Alberta and I was subcontracted when I moved back to Ontario. They froze my bank account over like $4,000. So I got out of rehab and I was like freaking out. I call him. It's like eight o'clock on a Friday and I'm like man, they're going to fucking freeze my accounts. And he just stopped me. He's like shut up for a second. He's like it's fucking eight o'clock on a Friday night. What government employee do you think is sitting in the fucking office typing on their computer trying to find you to freeze your bank account? And I was like, yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 3:He's like so what can you do about it today? Like nothing. He's like you do about it tomorrow? It's saturday. I'm like probably nothing. Like what about sunday? Nothing. What about monday? Well, I should probably figure out how I'm gonna file for bankruptcy. Perfect, don't fucking think about it for three more days. Monday morning you wake up, you make a phone call and you get that ball rolling and that's what I did. You know, there's no point in fucking worrying about all this other shit that's going on when there's nothing you can control about it in that moment that's one of the best tools that I use today.
Speaker 3:it's like when something starts welling up, whatever it is the loss of my friend or or whatever it is what can I control about this, the outcome or the situation right now? If there's nothing I can do, then I'll fucking deal with it when I can. I'll think about when I have time to control it or what I can do at certain times, and then, when that time comes, I acknowledge it and I take action on that time and that moment. Right, because that's all you can do.
Speaker 3:Definitely, you know like that gets you out of that victim mentality. That's taking action when you can, you know like and responsibility for your own actions.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, and you know, a lot of people are like that, where they get so worked up and bent out of shape and they ruin their own days worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet and the negative outcomes that could happen when, 85 of the time, that never happens anyways well, just don't wrap not be stressed, stressed. Oh, next week I got this test and next week I got this. Yeah, but it's next week and it's not today, Can you?
Speaker 1:do anything about it? No, you can't, but we you know because you're so worked, depending on whatever it is that you're going on in your life, you know we're emotional people, creatures that you know, you get emotional, you're overthinking, you get anxiety, you give yourself fuck.
Speaker 1:I was guilty of it for years, man, for years, and even when it was all these positive things that were coming up, I would think of all the negative that could happen, and then I'd make myself worse.
Speaker 1:But that was also me in my own head, struggling from everything else in my life. So it was just a constant negative mindset and a constant negative. You know what I mean negative thoughts and then I would find the negatives in something that hasn't even happened yet and then make myself feel shittier about it and then snowball and then basically ruin it for myself when there was nothing to even worry about, because everything that I can think of in the past that I was so bent out of shape about thinking that this would happen, it never did, ever, and it always worked out and it was fine yeah, and a lot of cases too, man, if you're like in a shitty, shitty mood or whatever you know, and then you take it out on someone else that doesn't even deserve it too, so it can trickle down, right, it's a whole, there's a whole effect to the whole thing.
Speaker 2:But I mean, like I'll have to say this I'm fucking human. I'm human. I still battle on this shit every day. You know there is things that I still hold in. You know I'm still a man, but I there is I I battle with this stuff every day, and and anybody that goes out there and says that they don't, they're fucking lying. Yeah, we all do you know it's true?
Speaker 1:yeah, we all do it's you know, but I I believe, like, if, if, like, when it comes to the counseling, because that was one of the best things I ever did, and we've said it hands down man I do it every Wednesday and I know it's harder for a lot of people because it's not cheap. It's not part of your medical, which I believe it should be, and I my opinion is I believe that this huge drug problem we have in north america would decrease significantly if counseling was free.
Speaker 3:Dude even fucking treatment. Do you know how expensive treatment is? Treatment's like $30,000 plus. It's literally $1,000 a day. And the fucked up thing about it is, if you wanted to go to treatment today, you have to pay. You have to go the private route. So, as a drug addict, do you have $30,000? Probably fucking not.
Speaker 3:And if you want to go the healthcare route. It's a six to eight month wait time. Buddy, when I wanted to go to treatment if I didn't go that day I would have fucking died. There's no way I would have lived for six more months. Not a fucking chance in hell. And like I was only using cocaine. Like I have a lot of friends who are ex fentanyl users, ex heroin users, meth Like those people don't fucking live long in that lifestyle. That's not a fucking lifestyle with a long expiry date, it's a short one.
Speaker 2:You know what I?
Speaker 3:mean it's fucked and like even even the treatment system is like it's all based on money. Like even addictions counselors, counselors, man, I've looked at being an addictions counselors a primary addictions counselor with like a bachelor's degree in ontario. It's like 21 an hour. I make more than that in construction, you know and like the shit that they put up with. I've been in rehab it's like fucking big brother with a bunch of drug addicts. It's insane. And you put cameras in. You fucking get five star reviews. You'd watch it every week. It's crazy, you know. You get some wild people come in off the streets nothing to their name except the grocery bag full of like shit and a crack pipe, and they come in and they're just fucking spun telling you the craziest shit you ever heard, like it's a show man. Like it's a show man but like, yeah, like it's not, it's not a free thing, like it.
Speaker 3:I've always had a problem with that, you know. Like there are great treatment centers that do their best at getting people in as quick as possible, but it's so few and far between to get into like a healthcare funded treatment center and some of them what they do is they'll have like the the healthcare route, but then they'll also have the private route, so, so like they'll put you on the waiting list. But like if you somehow come up with money, like you can get in. And like luckily for me, man, like I had people in my life that threw the money up for me to go within fucking 24 hours. And I tell people all the time when I speak at meetings like 24 hours before I was in rehab I was in the hospital on suicide watch. You know I wasn't going to make it a fucking week. So I don't know how these people can survive living the way that they're living for that fucking long. To make it into a treatment center. To me it's just not possible. It's fucked.
Speaker 3:And being in treatment like some of the best counseling I got was in that treatment center. The woman that I had as a counselor in treatment was the best fucking woman I've ever had as a counselor. She changed my perspective on therapy tenfold, man. The shit that she would ask me, the shit that she would say to me, just like blew my mind. And now the one I have now is fucking same thing.
Speaker 3:And shop around If you're looking for therapy, like man, they're out there, you know. And, like joey said they're not cheap. I'm sure you can find them at a reasonable rate. But, man, like some of the stuff my therapist says to me like friday I was, I was working with her, I think I told you, eric, when you called me on the weekend she said something to me, man, and it shook me and it still sticks with me. We were just talking about life and situations in life and she said straight up to me she's like you know what, anthony? I know exactly who you are. You're the type of person who wants to save the world and everybody in it. But along the way you forgot to save yourself and I was just like holy fuck.
Speaker 3:You're still right when you told me I've never taken time for myself to do the things that I want to do and achieve the goals that I want to achieve, because when somebody comes to me with a problem, I'm the first one to jump off my own ship and get on theirs and start fucking pouring water out to save them instead of stepping back and watching actually yourself and what you actually need to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah and you did, and you did what I did for years is you set yourself on fire trying to keep everybody else warm?
Speaker 3:yep, yep, same thing, man. Yeah, yeah. I love those fucking things, man, those ones that just fucking rock you profound shit. That's what I pay for, man. That's that's what you pay for in therapy. But there's a lot of work that goes into that prior for her to come to that assumption. It's not like you're just paying a philosopher to say a bunch of fucking wild shit to you for an hour. Like there's a lot of digging. There's a lot of questions about my past and my childhood that I thought I was well through. And then, working with her, I was like holy fuck, like no, I thought I was through this, but no, like guess we'll keep digging, guess we'll keep working on it.
Speaker 2:That's what it is the whole thing about that too, and a lot of people just think it's talking, but it's actually.
Speaker 1:They send you home with homework you actually got to work on these things you know, and actually like not lie about it and actually put in the work if you, if you want to see results oh I, I remember my counselor giving me a bit of homework and you know, and when you first started in counseling, well for one, for a lot of people they don't go. But if they, when they do go, it's really hard for them because a lot of people don't know how to open up. They don't want to bring up the fact that they were abused as a child and that's a huge trigger for them. So they freeze up and they're like, no, I don't want to do this trigger for them. So they freeze up and they're like, no, I don't want to do this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but in some, and I was like that when I started in counseling with different things and I held on to a lot of what happened to me that wasn't my fault, like I just said earlier tonight about you know, when I heard what I just said to you guys, I heard that like a week ago about where you think your life would be if you didn't spend all that time healing from something that wasn't your fault and I spent years holding on to these things and my life would have been like my life is good now because I worked my ass off to get here and what would be what I've been through. But where would it? It would be even better if I didn't spend 10 years sitting in that pain and that and holding onto these things and and and burying it, and that's what most of us do. But and when I went and I'll give you an example and I thought, when she was saying it to me, like I'm like that's kind of dumb, like there's no way that works and that's where you're going to get from a counselor is they're going to tell you these things and like breathing techniques, even little things, all these things like when you go home, do this. When you're feeling like this, do this. And then one of them I remember and I couldn't let something go for like a year, like it weighed on me every day, anxiety every day. I couldn't no what. I even tried things to let it go. I couldn't let it go. And she's like this is what you got to do.
Speaker 1:When you go home, she's like take a letter or like a fucking piece of paper and write out to the person that did you wrong. It's vulgar, whatever. Like you're writing them the letter, like they are going to read it and you're just opening up everything that you feel about that person and what they did to you. If you want to say, fuck you, I hope you die, write it and just, and it's like a release, right, but they're not going to read it. You're writing it to yourself, but as if you're writing it to that person, right, as a form of release. And a form of release, and I wrote the most fucker two, three pages, man, and I just sat here, I'm like you know what, I'm gonna try it and I just wrote it and wrote it like you.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean and after that it just goes, man, and then, and I got a mo.
Speaker 1:It was angry and I got emotional while I was writing it halfway because it started to come up. Right, it's like a trigger. You're thinking about these things and you're just like you, motherfucker, and I can't believe you hurt me like that. And then all of a sudden you're getting choked up and then the way I was writing started to change at the end of it and she said when you're done that, read it out loud as if they're sitting in front of you. Then you're going to go outside and light it on fire, yeah, and then you release that. And that's what I did. And I tell you, man, the very next day I felt 50 times better and from then on it literally helped me release it just by that.
Speaker 1:And I wouldn't have known or done that if I didn't go to counseling. Like I said at the time, we hear these things like well, that's kind of dumb, that's not going to work. But I got to a point where I'm like I'll try anything. If it's positive, I'll try it. And I did. And that's just one of the things that you could get out again like if you're listening, try it right now. If you're holding on to something, if someone did you wrong where it wasn't your fault and you're holding on to this for years, or your dad did this to you, or whatever. I'm telling you it works, it's it's. It's just a another tool to use or try. It worked for me. That's what I'm saying. Is it worked for me?
Speaker 1:You know, if there's something you can't let go of me, and try it and be.
Speaker 3:it's a free one. The next one is 20 bucks, though that's the only tool you get.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, but that worked for me. So that that's just you know a tool that that worked for me and I tell you me and and be in it, write it out and some and it might not even be a letter Like there's a you got a heavy bag, boxing bag, and you just go full out and you just release that rage release that anger, go one of those smash rooms literally, seriously it works. Yeah, go in, you know those rooms where you can rent and you bring your own glasses and plates and fucking beating up car and you just go on rage room and
Speaker 2:you just go whatever I just saw a video on youtube and it was like rage rooms where people like getting very emotional in there, you, you know, cause they're just letting out everything, and it was like. It was like a um, uh, what's that word? Where's the whole bunch of videos?
Speaker 2:Um, but not compilation compilation, that's it Of like a whole bunch of, you know, people breaking shit and then just breaking down, and then their friends coming over and hugging them and stuff you breaking down and then their friends coming over and hugging them and stuff you know, and definitely like it's, it's a great, great release.
Speaker 1:Definitely that's what. That's what, yeah, that's where we fail is to release that. And to you know, there's obviously a lot of different ways of learning how to let go of things and it's extremely difficult breath.
Speaker 2:Work is really good too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're breathing meditation breath work, meditation, for sure, like I just started doing that two years ago and, man, it made a hell of a difference, man, and again I was one of those people like meditation, breath work. Look dumb, like I ain't doing that shit, like most people, most men, especially like me, and I ain't laying there for 20 minutes and meditating with candles. Yeah, but I tell you, man, the relaxation if you have a dark room with some candles or a little dim light, man, and you just put on, even on YouTube, like a guided meditation that worked for me, right and the person tells you what to think about while you're just breathing, man, and you just get lost in your own mind of what they're saying and you're actually focused on your breathing man.
Speaker 2:You just feel a million times better.
Speaker 1:I used to the sleep ones, you know, you listen to it and the follow sleep meditation ones. Yep, you know, and it's like an eight hour one. It's an eight hour one.
Speaker 2:I try to get the short ones you know, because I don't want it still playing like when I wake up.
Speaker 1:Well, I did that, but I did the eight hour one because it's like white noise right like some people can't have light, can't have noise in the background maybe I have to have something like the fan going, something it's like white noise right I got.
Speaker 2:I usually listen to my books like audible. Um, I just started again. If you guys don't know, wim hofman, this guy's amazing oh, yeah, yeah I read, read the book once.
Speaker 2:Well, I didn't read it. Like I just do audio, because I go at work, I put my earphones in, just walk around or when I'm driving. It's great, right. But the Wim Hof man insane. If you guys haven't, if you guys don't know Wim Hof, definitely check this guy out. I think he had three kids, two kids or three kids, and his wife killed herself. She, I think, jumped off a balcony and killed herself and he was left with his kids and I forget the full story, but you know he was having a hard time, maybe some health issues or whatever. But then he got into breathing exercises and cold plunges and now this guy's got like like he did um, what was that? Antarctica?
Speaker 3:he walked and did some swimming thing there too, didn't he?
Speaker 2:well, he walked antarctica with no shirt, in shorts and in without his shoes on.
Speaker 3:Yeah yeah, I've seen some of his stuff. He's fucking insane man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's got a whole course. I forget where it is, but it's a whole like like a Spartan course pretty much of teaching you his breath works and as well as, um, the cold plunges and stuff, and he can, like, regulate his heart, uh, his heart rate and the temperature of his body.
Speaker 1:Just by breathing, yeah, just by breathing.
Speaker 2:Just by the way he breathes. Yeah, the guy's amazing. If you guys haven't read the book, check it out. Wim Hofman, the amazing book. It's pretty cool. Oh, speaking of books, anthony, did you check that one out yet? I told you.
Speaker 3:I've started it, but you know what I honestly might do. I might just buy the book, because I can't fucking stand that scottish accent yeah, every time he says you.
Speaker 2:Every time he says you, he's like yeah, yeah, yeah, buddy, I'm telling you I might just buy the book.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it is good like I'm pretty far into it. I think I'm like five chapters into it yeah, I'll probably just buy the book, man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the book we're talking about is unfuck yourself and it's one of my, my favorite book, I would have to say it's about these are all self-help books, right? That's all I have is self-help books. I don't have any other really type of books in my my um audiobook except for self-help books.
Speaker 3:So yeah, I'd rather watch a movie, if it's anything else, to be honest with you, what's that? Like, instead of reading a book other than a self-help book that's all. I have to. I have one on codependency. I have a Tony Robbins book I have unfucked or not. Well, I have that on audible.
Speaker 2:Now unfuck yourself but the subtle art of not giving a fuck like yeah, self-help books, but other than that like if it's just a book to read, like fiction and shit, I'd rather.
Speaker 2:If it's not a movie, I don't give a shit. Yeah, exactly, yeah, exactly I I don't know man, I got a short short like I, I, me, personally, I just can't sit there and read. I just can't do it. It's not my, not my thing, even with self-help. That's why I like the audible, because then I can do other things at the same time but still pay attention. Yeah, um, or watch a movie. You know like, I'll watch the movie. I don't care if the book was better, I'll still watch the movie yeah, yeah, exactly you know, yeah, the other thing I do want to say about, uh, about therapy.
Speaker 3:The other misconception that a lot of people have too is like this isn't like you go into this and and pay the whatever amount and sit there for an hour and they give you answers, right, like there's a lot of digging that's involved and actually there's a funny story actually like it involves. You guys, like when it, when you were talking earlier joy about like some of the stupid stuff that they make you do, I remember it's probably my fifth or sixth session and I'd gotten some answers, but the first four, four sessions were like question after question after question about stuff and I'm like this is dumb. She's like I know, but just like answer the questions. And then the last one, before I met you guys, she's like I'm going to give you some stuff to do and you're going to think it's stupid. She's like'm gonna give you some stuff to do and you're gonna think it's stupid.
Speaker 3:She's like I want you to write a letter to yourself. It's like I already did that. I did that in rehab. She's like no, I want you to write a letter to yourself. Like you're writing it to a best friend about a problem that you have and how you would approach a best friend and how you would give them advice on a situation that you're dealing with right now.
Speaker 2:I was like that's fucking stupid.
Speaker 3:She's like I know it is and I know you think it's stupid. She's like there's some other things I want you to do. She's like I don't want you to listen to music with a negative message or it's like depressing lyrics. I want you to listen to music with positive message, with positive lyrics. And then she asked me she's like do you, do you listen to podcasts? And I was like no, like they're not really my thing. She's like okay, I want you to find a podcast and I want you to get really involved with it. And that was the fucking week that I found you guys. And then the next week I was on with you guys. So I went back to my therapy. My next session.
Speaker 3:And she's like she's like so how did your homework go? And I was like well, you know, I changed my music, I wrote the letter and I found a podcast. And I was actually on the podcast. And she's like honestly, I thought you were going to fucking bail on therapy because when the way you were talking about how stupid you thought this was going to be, like I for sure thought you weren't coming back. And I was like, no fuck that.
Speaker 3:You've given me more insight of myself than I've ever gotten on my own trying to figure it out on my own. Aside from recovery, recovery's done a lot for me. But outside of recovery, you've given me more insight in the four or five hours that I've sat with you than I've ever got anymore in my life. And that's how I met you guys and that's how I got on here and here the fuck we are. But just, and that's how I got on here and here the fuck we are.
Speaker 3:But just to reiterate like this, therapy is not something you go, pay some money, tell them a little bit of shit trauma dump and then they give you answers. Don't get me wrong. I've, I've spent an hour well hard-earned money, well spent of just fucking crying and just trauma dumping on this woman and at the end I just laughed and I was like you haven't said a word the whole time. I am so sorry. She's like this is what I get paid to do. And then the next session we kind of visit the stuff that I that I had touched on. But there's a lot of work that they have to do with the information that you give them and, like Joey said, if you're not giving them all the information that they need, they can't help you with the best of their ability, right? So you got to be fucking willing to open up and just understand that it is a safe place.
Speaker 3:You know like we're here because we've done the therapy and we understand that it's okay to talk about our feelings and this is our safe place, even though it's the three of us right now, like who knows who's gonna listen, and I've told you guys that before, like you never know what you're gonna say and who it's gonna touch. I've been at meetings, because when I got sober it was during zoom, right, so I did all the shit like this. And then, like I've been to meetings two hours from my house, two and a half hours from my house, and there's someone at the meeting. They're like I've heard you speak before. Like where the fuck did you hear me speak?
Speaker 3:I heard you speak on zoom, like a year and a half ago. You said this and like it stuck with me. It's like for one, I don't even remember saying it too I was probably six, barely live in life, so I don't fucking remember what I said, but the fact that I said it and it touched someone, that's, that's what's important and that's why we're here doing again, why we're doing what we're doing, to like, first of all, make you realize you're not fucking special for feeling how you're feeling.
Speaker 3:We've been through it, you know, but we, we know the kind of work it takes to get out of it and we're willing to share our experiences and help anybody who needs fucking help. So just a quick little disclaimer if you're suffering, if you're having a hard time, you don't know what therapy looks like, you don't. You don't know where to even start. Like we're here. Follow us on social media raw minds podcast. Follow eric. Raw minds dot eric, with a k at the end. Follow joey. Raw minds dot joey. Follow me raw minds, dot anthony. Reach out to us. Email us raw minds podcast at gmailcom. That's. We'll point you in the right direction and if we can't, we'll fucking do our due diligence to make sure that that we can get you any sort of information that you need.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just want to clarify, though, one thing when you say raw minds dot and then all our names, I just want to say that's on Tik TOK, so you can find us on Tik TOK on there.
Speaker 3:Thank you, it's my first time. Fuck, sorry, it's okay, it's all good.
Speaker 1:Holy, what do allowed one? First one's jesus. What is this guy new? Yeah, next one's beautiful, but you know what you know.
Speaker 1:Back to the therapy is you know there was this one time? Is you don't realize as well, I should say, is what you really learn about yourself before or when you're in therapy and in counseling, because the stories that I told myself for years on why this happened, why that happened, why did why this happened to me, why she broke up with me and when I went in and, like Anthony trauma, dumped all my shit and I decided I needed to fix what's going on in my head and spilled all this out, the counselor really made me see everything from a different perspective than what my polluted mind has been telling myself for years. And that's where the accountability for me and really learning how to change and grow from everything that I went through and to overcome a lot of it is hearing a different perspective. And a part of that was the accountability Cause when I said things like I was even honest, like I made mistakes, I was honest about shit that I did, but still I'm like, yeah, but you know she did this and that happened to me because of that, and when she looked at me, she'm like, yeah, but you know she did this and that happened to me because of that. And when she looked at me, she's like, no, that's not why you did that. No, you did that. No, that was you. This is why it was you. And you're just like holy fuck.
Speaker 1:And the whole time for years, because my mind was so polluted and poisoned, you know, just to make myself feel better, like a lot of people do, like almost like that victim mentality, but in my head, right Cause it's easier for me to sleep at night blaming somebody else in my head, or that's why that happened. But once I got that fucking door kicked right open in my mind from the facts and the different perspective is when I really started to change and really took that in. I'm like man, I really did fuck that up, man, that was my fault, man, and that's that's why I had 10 failed relationships. That's why I did that.
Speaker 2:That's the light bulb.
Speaker 1:It is a. It is a huge eye-opener. But that's what you need, yeah, because so many people are in that autopilot, struggling day to day that they only see what's inside. You know that gat poison gas filled room in their head, right? So once you're able to get different perspectives from people that have either been through it or understand it and make you take accountability and that's what most people don't want to hear is the truth and that's what they struggle with the most like I don't want you to tell me I'm fucked up or that it's my fault. Nobody wants to hear that. They blame me for it. But, in a different way, they're just pointing out the fact that, no, you did this and you've been like this for 10 years because of that, and that was caused by you, whether it was intentional or not. And then that was the biggest eye opener for me two years ago is when I heard those different perspectives. So by going to counseling and therapy, I tell you, man, it changed everything.
Speaker 2:Well, truth hurts, right, and people don't like to hear it, right, and that's the main thing, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, and it sounds cliche, but they say the truth will set you free and it will 100%, Because when you're able to be truthful with yourself, that's when you can start being truthful to everybody else, when you start learning to love yourself. Now you can start loving everybody else. It's true, man, but in order to do that, you have to get through whatever it is that's dragging you down and weighing you down, and you have to reach out, talk about it, fix it the best that you can. Like anthony said earlier tonight man, we're not on a pedestal man. I struggle, we all struggle. We're all broken, you know, but we're just starting to learn to let a lot more light in.
Speaker 1:Now, yeah, you know, and that's what you guys need to do, because every day we all have some sort of anxiety, some sort of stress, you know, and, like we just said, as you get older, you're going to have more people. That that's close to you. They're not going to be here anymore and it's really sad. But that's life, that's it's it's. There's no preventing that. It's going to happen. We're all going to and you're going to be in another relationship. Hopefully it's it's your last, but if some it's, you never know it could be another heartbreak. You can get heartbroken at 50 years old. You don't know. You know it does it. Just it's life, but having those tools so, when these things do happen, that you're able to navigate through this with a way, more clear mind and to be able to come out of it a lot faster. You know, if you look at the things that you've been through and we've been through 10 years ago and we always say it's okay to take a knee, but it's not okay to stay down you know, 10 years ago I was laying right on my back for a long time. I didn't even take any, I just, I just laid on my back. Now it's you take any, you get hit. Okay, take it in. You know grief. Now you got to get up. Now you got to push forward. Now you got to keep going because there's still other people here that love you, that need you, that care about you. Your kids are still here, or whatever it is. You know you got the people that care about you. Your kids are still here or whatever it is. You know that people that rely on you. But, most importantly, like you have the gift of life.
Speaker 1:You got to wake up today. Most people don't, or a lot of people, I should say, didn't wake up today and a lot of people are not going to wake up tomorrow. A lot of people aren't even going to make it to their bed tonight and that's why I say we take this time in our life for granted. And when I seen my friend the other day at 42, just didn't wake up. Man, just his heart, that was it. You just never know. So take the time that you do have, stop living in the past and stop worrying about what was done to you and seek the help to fix that, so you can move forward in a better light and be present and find that joy in your day-to-day when you wake up. So, counseling buddy, change your life 100%.
Speaker 2:It's true, you know the game chess right, you guys don't know the game chess. And life is like that, because everything you do in life has an outcome Same with chess. You know, chess is one of the top, of one of the only games where if you lose it was your fault, because you made that decision. And that's the same with life. You know, where we are today is because of all the choices we made in the past. So what I'm trying to say is make right, fucking choices so you can get in the right spots. You know, learn from your mistakes so you can make the right choices and navigate and grow and use what you navigate through the turmoil that fucking this life brings us nonstop. Oh, I just heard gunshots. We are in Surrey.
Speaker 3:It's where God man where you guys live is insane.
Speaker 2:I'm not even joking there you go Wrong life choices. Make them saying right there, man, perfect time. Well, there you go Wrong life choices. Make them saying right there, man.
Speaker 1:Perfect timing. Well, it's true, though right, yeah, a hundred percent.
Speaker 1:Man.
Speaker 1:You are where you are in your life because of the choices that you made up until this point, because it is 90% reaction to anything and everything that happens to you. Yeah Right, it's only 10%, even if it's traumatic and it's huge, and I get it because there's a lot of things that will change you forever. But what you do with that and how you go about that and how you deal with that is all a choice that you make, and that choice that you make, coming from whatever it is, will lead you to your next destination. So, wherever where people are in their lives today and all these people that are playing victim and I don't like my job and I don't like my house, and that that's all a product of your choices. You made those choices in your life leading up to that point to put you in that spot. And if you're not happy with your life and where you are in your life, then fucking change it. You have to.
Speaker 1:But so many people live in this constant state of depression that they're just comfortable. They're comfortable being mediocre or average or just. I'm not happy, but I'm just content, and they're just. They exist, that's it. Their whole lives is the same. Because if your life and I've said this before if your life, if you look forward fast, is it 26 today, august 26 of next year, a year from now, and your life has not changed and it's the same thing. You're doing the same job, making the same money. You haven't grown in the company, you haven't moved and upgraded, you haven't learned something new, you haven't saved more money. You have wasted a whole year of your life just by fucking getting by and existing. You have to be able to grow and and it's all about growth Every day you got to try to be better than the day before.
Speaker 1:100%, even that 1% that we always talk about. Find something in your day that's out of your routine, because eventually that's going to lead you like that ship. Two months, three months from now, is going to lead you like that ship. Two months, three months from now, is going to leave you in a whole different destination, meeting people you never thought you would meet and going places you never thought you would go. And then you're starting to do things that you never even thought of a year ago and now you're loving. You're like why didn't I do this for the last five years? But that's all because you got out of that routine and you're trying something different, and you're and you know, and so many people want to do all these things, even if they got the money, but they don't because of other people's opinions.
Speaker 2:That's it it's the five percent club.
Speaker 1:Remember, that's what you said they won't do it because, well, I'm 40 and I want to say I want to go do hip-hop dance at 40. People are like I'm going to get laughed at I'm not doing it. But if I really want to do it, then do it. Man, if that's what you want to do, do it. Don't wait for your friends or someone to take that trip, because you've been for years. You just wanted to go here. I've always wanted to go to this country. But waiting for other people, you never will. And if you've got to go by yourself, go by yourself. Because if there's something that you always wanted to do, do it. If that art class you always wanted to take and you always wanted to be an artist growing up and you're 50 years old and it's never too late, man, take that class.
Speaker 1:I have a guy at work real quick same thing. I asked him this question because he's just, you know, he's just kind of floating in the middle of his life and he doesn't know where to go. And I said let me ask you something. What do you? What is it that you think about every day, that you wish you did or wish you could do? And he's like I've always big into photography. I'm like okay, and he's like I was looking at a camera. I'm like buy the fucking camera right now yeah buy the camera and start there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, go out there and just start taking pictures. That's something you have a passion for and, just like anybody listening, do the same. Oh well, it's so expensive. I always wanted to play the drums. Yeah, it might be two grand. So now you can start saving in six months by the drums, because that's something you always wanted to do.
Speaker 1:And then the joy that you get and you finding a purpose, because a lot of people struggle because they don't have a purpose. They go to work, they take their kids to soccer practice that's great. They go on a trip once a year that's awesome. But for you personally, you want to feel joy and accomplishments and doing things that you love to do. Right, so find those things, fuck what anybody says and just do it. Start now, start tomorrow. What are you waiting for? Oh, I'll wait till next month.
Speaker 1:You say that you'll never do it. Just like New Year's resolutions is the biggest crock of shit ever, because if it's October and like oh, new Year, new year's, I'm gonna quit smoking and I'm gonna do this. No, you're not, you're gonna. You've failed already because if it was important, you would have done it today. Yeah, oh well, I got a wedding next month and then I'll quit drinking. No, you won't. It's full of shit, but it's. The same thing is, if it's important to you, pull the trigger, do it. Do it today, research it, buy it, like my, go buy the camera, start taking pictures, man, and finding that joy in your day-to-day life, because we only have one day. Every day, we get one day we wake up and if you're lucky, you wake up, and you're lucky if you wake up. And look at my friend Prime example.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you don't even get a full day, brother.
Speaker 1:Right. My friend Sometimes you don't even get a full day. Brother Right, my friend three kids man went to bed. He just got back from a five-day trip with his family, jet skiing and shit. Got home, went to bed, didn't wake up, that's it, shitty.
Speaker 2:Shitty man Fucking shitty.
Speaker 1:That made me really, really open my eyes to we have today. And if you're in it today, then do what makes you happy today. You know, and I seen another uh, big, motivated motivational speaker not too long ago and he said every day you wake up in that day, even if it's the smallest thing, whatever it is, that will make you the happiest in that day. Do it if you're pumped and you want to go to the gym and you know, on a Monday night I'll be the happiest because I got to go to the gym. Go to the gym If today I can go. Do this yoga class. Go to the yoga class. And he said, when you build that up over two, three, four months, and every day you're doing the one thing that you would be the happiest doing.
Speaker 1:And if you know that going here won't make you happy or you won't enjoy, just do the things in your day that make you the happiest in that day, even the littlest thing, and it'll start to stack up just like the winds right and accomplishments, because now you're creating a habit of just finding the things that you want to do and the things that make you happy and bring joy to your life, because most of us do things that we don't want to do for other people.
Speaker 1:And just like Anthony said earlier and what I just you know about setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm, that kind of goes hand in hand, because we're living for other people but they want to do it. They want to do it, okay, fine, and you don't really want to do it and it doesn't interest you, it doesn't. You know that hanging out with those people is just going to bring you down, but you do it anyways because you're trying to make other people happy. That that's what kills you is just, if you don't want to do something, don't do it, just do the little thing on that.
Speaker 3:If you don't want to do it, you don't fucking owe anybody an explanation as to why you don't want to do it. Because this is literally something I just learned in therapy. Because I was talking about setting boundaries and the way I had phrased it was I'm allowed to set boundaries. And my therapist stopped me and she's like hold on, you don't fucking owe anybody an explanation for you to make the decisions that you need to make for yourself. Like, don't think that you owe anybody anything. So, like Joey's saying, if you want to do something or you don't want to do something, tell them you don't want to do it. You don't owe them a reason why. You know there's certain people I respect in my life and I I would. I would Give them the decency of giving them an explanation.
Speaker 3:But if someone messages me, say you want to go golfing tomorrow? No, not really, I don't want to go. Oh, why not? Just don't want to, that's, that's it. I don't need to justify the decisions I make in my life because you know this much about my fucking life. You know a fraction of my life that's leading me to make this decision that I'm making right now. I don't want to do this today with you, or or just do this in general. Right, you don't owe anybody anything. You owe it to yourself to make the decisions that you're going to make that are going to make you happy, and I feel like that's a great topic Of tonight. You know, like therapy and do what makes you fucking happy, regardless of what other people think. You know, I might fucking start a hip hop class, fuck it.
Speaker 2:Break dancing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll be honest with you, man Me I've always been fascinated With like pop, rock and hip hop and shit.
Speaker 1:I used to break dance. I love that shit. I'm not gonna lie, I love that shit. I used to DJ 20 years ago and it was all CDs and all that.
Speaker 1:And now, like I had a barbecue at my house two weeks ago and one of my dj buddies brought over turntables eric was there, music's cranked in the yard and, dude, I just jumped on there for 10 minutes, man, and the way I felt in 10 minutes like is it what I used to love to do 20 years ago and it's not the same now. And I can't dj by any means in that sense nowadays. But like I just all I thought about after that was buying turntables and I don't want to be in a yeah, I don't want, I just want to do it just because it makes me happy. Even with sitting here by myself with headphones on scratch and goofing around, I've always been on music and you know me talking out loud and fucking probably take my own advice.
Speaker 1:And I have to go buy turntables now, just like I told my buddy to buy a camera, and that's what I'm probably that's what I'm gonna do, because and that's something that I enjoy doing right, and that's, again, is telling you guys is the same thing, like a lot of people like I'm, like I said I'm 42 and not many people in their forties or fifties would start something new or a hobby new. They're like I'm too old. They just kind of let it go Like, oh, I'm not, you know whatever. Like fuck that man. And then you're still alive and you're still breathing. And if this is what makes you happy in your day, do it, man. Simple, stop worrying about what other people who have zero say effect in your life and stop giving them that power of control of your life.
Speaker 1:Just because, the person online said that your clothing line sucks or your podcast sucks Like dude. You're not going to. And that's one thing I've realized too, is like you're not going to, it doesn't matter what you do in your life, you're always going to have haters. Whether it's the most positive thing on the planet, someone's going to say something negative about it.
Speaker 2:But, joey, that's how you know you're doing good man. These haters are the ones that's how you know you're doing good man. These haters are the ones that's how you know, because haters are jealous. You know, it's just jealousy and that's what we need. We need these haters. Because, then it tells us that we're doing something right.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 3:You want the haters Like that is. I used to be like that.
Speaker 1:No, but that's like you know, a lot of us are. And I was like that. No, but that's like you know, a lot of us are. And I was like that for a while. It was like people pleasing you don't look at it like that. But it really was where you didn't want anyone to be mad at you, you didn't. You know, oh, I shouldn't post that. Maybe someone might not like this A hundred percent, or you know what I mean. It's now.
Speaker 1:It's take all those negative comments and use that as your driving force. And then most people are like oh, they made this comment. I'm going to block them, Dude, I fucking keep them because I'll turn my haters into fans. And that's what I'm doing. I will turn my haters into fans and you're the first one that's going to get tagged in it and you're the first one that's going to see me shine.
Speaker 1:And now that's just how it is. But so many people are so worried and the haters. And then, oh my God, I can't believe he said that. Then they think about it for six months because of one comment, because they made a comment about your weight, or they made a comment about your product. How dumb it is. And now you're sitting on one comment from one person out of 8 billion. Maybe it is dumb and that's why 90 of all businesses uh, don't start up from people or products is because of other people's opinions. That's the biggest. They don't take this, that's, that's all it is. Yeah, they don't want to take that next step because now they think that everyone thinks it sucks.
Speaker 2:Dude, guess, fuck dude it doesn't matter what you do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can go into a burning house and save a pregnant woman and her fucking three children from the burning house, and one guy's going to make a dumbass comment like, oh, you didn't save the dog. Yeah, you know what I mean. Like it doesn't matter what you do, so, good or bad, someone's going gonna say shit about it anyway. So why don't you just do the good and grab the bad? People are gonna talk shit anyway. So do all the good. Find those things that drive you, find those things that bring you joy, find those things that bring life to you. Man, tune out the world, man. Focus on you. Focus on what's in these walls around you, focus on your kids, your wife, your girlfriend, your sisters, your brothers, your family, and that's it well, the biggest problem, man, is let it be.
Speaker 2:Everybody. Lets people live rent-free in their fucking head. You know, and that's the biggest problem here. You know, who cares about what people think? Like you're saying, it's true, who gives a fucking shit? They're not coming to your birthday party, so who gives a fuck? You know what I mean? Who are they to you? There's an og quote 100 man. It's true, though 100 is true, man, you know.
Speaker 1:Like well, you know what they said well.
Speaker 2:At the same time, man I mean, I'm at the point of my life, you know, a guy bumps into me whatever I got. Oh, you bitch and call me whatever you want. Man, I don't give a fuck dude, I'm a bigger man than you are to fucking bow down to your little fucking bullshit comments. I don't need that shit, man, I'm just gonna keep on going on my way. You're gonna try to fight me. What you think that you trying to fight me makes you fucking tough, like fucking kick rocks.
Speaker 2:Man, you know, I what, what I rather do, what winning to me is going home ignoring that asshole, going home spending the time with my kids and my family, and that's really winning. That guy can call me whatever he wants, man, I'm just gonna keep on walking. Who the fuck is that? Going home spending the time with my kids and my family, and that's really winning. That guy can call me whatever he wants. Man, I'm just going to keep on walking. Who the fuck is that? I'm probably never going to see that person again in my life. You know why am I going to let some random person because this guy's having a bad day try to take it out on me and try to ruin my day and potentially put me in jail. Not going to happen. Winning to me go home, hang out with my kids, or my kids sorry, I don't have kids, but kid you know that's winning. Fuck these people Like.
Speaker 3:I said, yeah, fuck them, they're not coming to your birthday tent.
Speaker 1:Their birthday. But no, it doesn't matter if haters or people yapping, it's all of it.
Speaker 1:They're irrelevant to your life. Do you, man? Just? Do you Just focus on being fuck them all in the present and doing what brings you happiness in each day that you wake up. Stop focusing on what could happen three months from now. You have no control of it. Stop worrying about the past, because it's over, no matter what you stories you tell in your head that you can. I wish I would have said this and she wouldn't have left me. Or I wish I would have done fucking drop it. You have to let me or I wish I would have done Fucking drop it. You have to let it go, because there's not a damn thing you can do about it. You said what you said in the past because at the time, that's what you were going to say Accept it and move forward. Or you did that thing at that time because that's what you wanted to do at that time. 100% Period.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, because that's what you wanted to do at that time. 100% Period yeah, I know it's kind of getting into the end here, so I just want to say a couple things before. Joey, we're looking forward to your DJ sesh next Monday.
Speaker 1:I have to say that I got to spend on the ones and twos by next Monday. Yeah, you better buy a fucking two, eric, so you can do some head spins.
Speaker 2:Fucking rights, I will, buddy, I have to say that I got to spin on the ones and twos by next Monday. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:You better buy a fucking two care, so you can do some head spins.
Speaker 2:Fucking rights. I will, buddy, I. I'll even do uh, uh, some crunch wheels too. I used to do crunch wheels, windmills and, uh, flares man.
Speaker 3:I just hope our listeners know that'll be posted on our. It will, yes, it will.
Speaker 2:Yeah right, I'm too old for that shit. I'll fucking break a hip man. I do have to say something about Anthony too. Fuck your picture in the back there is crooked. No, it's not man, I told you this before. It's fucking straight my camera is bugging man, I'm just bugging.
Speaker 1:You know what I had a good time, man.
Speaker 2:Thank you, anthony. You're a perfect fit for this. You really are. You're our cream in the middle.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'll just wear white every week. I guess that's how it'll be.
Speaker 3:Honestly, guys, I really Really appreciate you guys Asking me to be a part of this. I'm super fucking stoked for what the future holds, and no matter what it holds. I'm super stoked that we even got to do this tonight. If we're talking about being present, man, there was a moment at the beginning of the show where Joey was talking and I just had this like holy shit moment, like we're fucking doing this, like this is what we're doing, you know, and that's about being present, yeah.
Speaker 2:Living in the moment and enjoy it, man. Stop and fucking smell the flowers. You know it's true. That saying is true. Stop and smell the flowers. You know, cause, if you Everybody's moving a mile a minute nowadays, you know everybody's in a mile a minute nowadays. You know everybody's in a rush to go nowhere at the end of the day. Where you're gonna rush home, to go home, to what? Fucking sit on your couch and watch the same goddamn rerun. You know there's. You got the internet, man. You can stream that shit. Like what are you rushing out for? Enjoy it, man well enjoy life.
Speaker 1:that's the biggest thing about reaching out and getting help and dealing with. You know your past and the traumas and the and whatever it is that you guys have been through is so you are able to smell the flowers and be here today and focus on what it is you're doing today. You know, and stop focusing on what this person did to you 10 years ago and you can let it go. Or I can't believe my family did this to me or my father did this to me when I was a child, like, yeah, it's a lot of terrible things that happened to good people but regardless if it was your fault or not, it's still your problem. But you can find ways to get through that and solve that problem. Yeah, you know, over time it gets easier.
Speaker 1:You don't get triggered when you get the therapy and the help and reaching out, whatever it is, whatever outlets that you find helps you. You know, like Anthony went to rehab and goes to recovery and meetings it's it's obviously helping him. I know some people that meetings they've tried it didn't help them but they did get sober in other ways. But that's just an outlet. That's an outlet that he found that works for him. Find the outlet that works for you. I had color books, buddy, it's true.
Speaker 2:Whatever it is, anything that's positive.
Speaker 1:You have to find it and work on it too. That way, like I said, you're not getting triggered when this comes up in the next relationship. You're not running away from it Now. You're not getting triggered when this comes up in the next relationship. You're not running away from it now. You're just you're not getting triggered by something that this person did that they never did anything wrong to you, but because it's a reminder of the last relationship or that abusive relationship or whatever it is, that you're able to navigate through those triggers and not let it be a trigger.
Speaker 1:Whatever has happened to us, you will never forget, ever. Like that doesn't go away, you know, and they say time heals all wounds, but time just makes it easier to remember. But it will only be easier to remember is if you tackle that core issues that you were holding in in order to not be the triggers and let those things go. And that is the biggest one is letting it go. And I say it again, like I said, the beginning is where do you think your life would be if you didn't just spend the last 10, 20 years trying to heal and and and hold in the things that happened to you, that weren't your fault and regardless if it was your fault or not, it's on you now, on what you choose to do going forward. So find those outlets, reach out. You know and we say it every episode and we're going to continue to say it Like we're not counselors, man, we're not doctors or psychiatrists, but we live the life We've been through the hell. You know, we we set ourselves on fire for years trying to make other, keep everyone else warm, and all we can do is offer a shoulder or someone to talk to, or just a little advice, maybe, if that's what you guys need, just on how you, how we got through certain things or manage them a little bit better, or maybe we can help you. You know, add a few tools to that tool boat. For you know, like we said, life is going to kick you in the face time and time again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know and like, for me personally, I'm in such a great place mentally, but I still have daily struggles. You know, to go from, say, three years ago till today is night and day and I'm so grateful for that. But yet, but each day, I still get a wave of anxiety, I still get some overthinking, I still get a flashback of like, but now that thought process is completely shrunk down and it doesn't weigh on me for the whole day. It weighs on me for half an hour. Or and that's the biggest thing is, like I said, because this shit doesn't weigh on me for the whole day. It weighs on me for half an hour and that's the biggest thing is, like I said, because this shit doesn't ever go away. It's how do you manage that? How do you learn to cope and not get triggered by these things? Right, so the thing that you might sit on or you might get triggered and now you're upset or crying and anxiety for two straight days. Now you're only upset and anxiety for an hour, because now you're starting to minimize that, because now you're more self-aware. Now you know okay, you know what. I know that this sets me off or whatever. It is Okay. Now I learned this breathing exercise. Now I learned this from the therapist. Now I'm going to apply that and I tell you you'll start to come out of it a lot quicker and manage your day-to-day way better, and that's the biggest thing when you're able to manage those triggers in your day-to-day way better.
Speaker 1:Again. Now, when we're hanging out, we're going out for dinner and I'm playing with my kids. I'm playing with my kids. You know, I'm out for dinner with my friends. I'm listening to what they're saying, I'm present, I'm spending time with the girlfriend or the wife and I'm visiting my mom and I'm having dinner with my mom. I'm having dinner with my mom. I'm not having dinner with my mom.
Speaker 1:You know, thinking that it was easier to let go of the steering wheel driving over to her house, you know, and being on autopilot and and being nothing behind the eyes. Now you have life behind those eyes. Now you that joy, the energy. You know, like Anthony said earlier in the show, it's it's. You feel it Like you think that he put on a front and he thought he was good at it.
Speaker 1:But people know, people feel that energy. You know, and it's all about the energy that you and and that's exactly what you attract is the energy that you put out. Right, and that's where a lot of people don't seem to realize is when you hold all these things in and you don't fix these things is all you're doing is attracting another, more broken people. They just might be broken in a different area, just like in relationships. If you look back just like mine, last four longer relationships. They all failed. Well, why was that? Because I attract I was broken as shit, not realizing how broken I was. But I attracted another broken person and that's why we didn't work out. Misery loves company man, right.
Speaker 1:So once you start to heal those wounds and start to work on those triggers and how to navigate through those again, you're bringing in way more positive people, way better relationships. There's, there's happy, there's a glow to you and it radiates. And it radiates especially to your children Cause I was, I was, I've been there with my kids since day one and I've been as best father as I can. But I was also not a present father in that sense In in the days that I had them, if that makes sense, I was present, like my. I was there, but I wasn't there mentally because I was struggling so bad that I I couldn't be in the moment of my kid wanting to throw the baseball. I was throwing the baseball but I wasn't throwing the baseball.
Speaker 1:So that's the biggest thing, and that goes to any aspect of your life, right, it's fixing those problems, healing those problems. And again, if you guys are going through this or you're really having a hard time and you feel like it's just that it would be easier to not wake up, please reach out to us right away. Like anthony said, hit us up on the tiktoks. We all have separate tiktoks plus the raw minds tiktok email.
Speaker 2:Raw minds podcast at gmailcom hold on hold on hold on hold on no, no go for it.
Speaker 3:Give no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2:Anthony, I'm too nervous boys, I'm nervous. Speaking of anxiety, come on man. Yeah, no.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I guess we'll close it out. I didn't forget, bro. I was waiting for this, I was waiting.
Speaker 3:We'll close it out. But, like Joey was saying, seriously, guys, if you're struggling I was waiting We'll close it out. But, like Joey was saying, seriously guys, like, if, if you're struggling, even if, even, if you don't want a direction to go and you just need to fucking let it out, just send an email. We don't even have to acknowledge it. If you, if you don't want us to acknowledge it on the show, we don't give a shit. If you just need somewhere to fucking scream into a hollow void, whatever it may be, we're here. If you want some advice, some suggestions, we're here. You know, like joey was saying, hit us up on tiktok raw minds podcast, hit us up on our respective tiktoks raw mind dot eric. Raw minds dot anthony. Raw minds dot joey, and hit up on on email as well, or Instagram or Facebook raw minds podcast at gmailcom.
Speaker 3:And I was supposed to come up with something fancy to say and I guess the only thing I can think of is it's time to start living life, so put the work in now. Great things are going to come. Thank you all, thank you, guys for having me. I love you Nailed it but nailed it.
Speaker 2:We're out Fuck.
Speaker 3:I was so close to getting away with it, shit.
Speaker 2:Goodbye, we'll see you next time.
