Raw Minds
Welcome to Raw Minds, the podcast where we explore the challenges and triumphs of men's mental health, single fatherhood, and daily life experiences. In each episode, we dive deep into the issues that go on in men's minds, sharing personal stories and insights that can help you better understand yourself and the world around you. Whether you're a single dad, dealing with mental health challenges, or simply looking for inspiration and guidance, this podcast is for you. So, sit back, relax, and join us on this journey of self-discovery and growth.
Raw Minds
Raw Minds Ep. 35 - Internal Diaries: The Broken Man
Facing the pressures of everyday life can be a monumental task, especially with the societal expectations placed on men to be strong providers and protectors. Have you ever wondered how much these pressures affect men's mental health? Join us, Joey and Eric, as we engage in an unfiltered discussion with our returning guest, Anthony, about the overwhelming challenges and the necessity of seeking help and speaking openly about one's mental well-being. This episode is dedicated to shedding light on men’s mental health and emphasizing the importance of continuous awareness and support well beyond just one month.
Anthony shares a deeply personal and challenging week, illustrating the power of taking proactive steps to reclaim control over one's life. From starting therapy to connecting with his sponsor and hiring a life coach, his journey underscores the significance of personal responsibility and making positive changes. We delve into the importance of brutal self-honesty, inspired by David Goggins, and how confronting uncomfortable truths can lead to profound transformation. Our conversation also highlights the value of small, consistent steps and gratitude in maintaining a positive outlook amidst adversity.
Our final chapters focus on the societal pressures that make it difficult for men to express emotions and seek help. We share poignant stories, including a father's heart-wrenching experience of watching his daughter suffer a severe injury, to underscore the internal conflict of maintaining a facade of strength while dealing with emotional turmoil. By breaking down these walls and acknowledging the need for support, we champion the cause of men's mental health, encouraging our listeners to face their challenges head-on and to support each other in the journey of self-improvement and healing. Tune in for an empowering conversation that aims to inspire and uplift.
on men's mental health. We are unedited, unfiltered and, as always, we are going raw.
Speaker 1:My name is joey and I'm eric and we're your hosts.
Speaker 2:And welcome to raw minds oh yeah, buddy, we are doing it once again yeah 35 episode 35. Not many podcasts will tell you that they've even hit past 23 yeah, I think that was the number I like it yeah that's how we roll and we're gonna keep rolling and we're gonna keep talking about our shit showing guys out there, especially that you know it's okay to talk, it's okay to feel and it's okay to fucking ask for help especially in this month, man.
Speaker 1:I mean, like you say, it should be every month, but especially this is Awareness Month, so pushing that harder hopefully catches on.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, and that's why we're here, and this is why we do this every week is because we don't believe in one month, we believe in every day, every week, every day, every month, every year. Mental health is a serious problem, especially nowadays with the social media world and what's going on in the world. Man, the world's fucked, yeah, you know, and it's getting harder and harder, especially for the younger generation coming up even. Right, it's not like it used to be man and it's not like it used to be man and it's, uh, it's, it's definitely real, especially in the western world, and the prices and housing is skyrocketing and you know that pressure as a man is, is building up more and more with all of us. You know, the prices change, but how society views us doesn't change. No, we're the providers, we're the protectors, we're the ones that got to take care of shit.
Speaker 2:But, man, it's getting harder and harder. For sure, man, that we're trying to keep that role when internally, financially struggling, and it's really weighing on us, you know, and it's taking us down piece by piece. So it's you know, that's why we're doing what we do. It's where we've been there, you know, not even just with the traumas and the shit that we've been through. Personally, it's the day-to-day that we have to still get through. You know it's life. You know rent comes every month, your mortgage comes every month. Your kids need to feed to eat every day, just like you that's. It takes a toll on you, man.
Speaker 1:So yeah, man, every day is a struggle, just can't give up. You know you can't, no, bro people count on you, man.
Speaker 2:People love you. You know you gotta do everything you can to be better than you were the day before. Yeah, yeah, you know exactly, put in the work and you know it'll pay off. And your life is not easy, but at least you can make it a little bit better, yeah, so definitely, um, I do want to say, uh, we're live on tech talk.
Speaker 1:So, uh, we're going to be um answering things if anybody says anything. We're live on tech talk. So, uh, we're going to be um answering things If anybody says anything. Um, so if you hear us kind of break off, wonder who we're talking about or what what calls are coming in, it's uh, messages on tech talk and I just want to say thank you again, brother, for this beautiful journey've been going on man. So you know, I just want to say thank you on that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, buddy, you know, like Eric said, if you guys are just tuning in on the live, feel free to ask questions, We'll do our best to answer them. And if you're new to the show, myself and Eric have lived 30 years of trauma, abuse, gang life, suicide attempts, loss of children and family. So we've been through hell and back and to be sitting here every week to show that it is possible and that you can get through the hard times and the traumas that you guys face. You know, even if it wasn't your fault, and things that happened to you as a child, you know regardless. It's still your problem. But how do you deal with that going forward? That's only up to you, because nobody's coming to save you. So anyone tuning in, welcome.
Speaker 2:And also we would love to reintroduce our guest. He has been on our show, uh, in the past. You might recognize him from last week. He was also on episode 13, which is, till this day, one of our favorites. Yeah, man, this guy is amazing human being. You know, like any other out there, he's got his own struggles and battles and even his victories. That's why he's here tonight. That's why we brought him back, because he's just an awesome member to have on the show. We want to thank you again, anthony, for coming on there.
Speaker 1:Thank you, anthony. We're going to give you a big round of applause, sick Anthony, for coming on there yeah. Thank you, anthony, we're going to give you a big round of applause.
Speaker 3:Yeah, buddy, oh man, I appreciate you guys. I appreciate you guys bringing me back to do this. I like I genuinely look forward to this, even if it's short notice. Man like I get stoked about this because, yeah, it's important. Man Like it's not. Yeah about this because yeah, it's important, man like it's not. Yeah, some days are good, man, some days are not fucking good. And if you don't have an arsenal of tools in your back pocket to get through this shit, man, it's, it's fucking hard. You guys have been there, I've been there. I've been lost on my own, not knowing what the fuck to do, and, like you guys, over my last little while I've come in clutch, you know like this has been one, one of my biggest assets and tools that I've used, like aside from what I do in my recovery. Yeah, like you guys are number one man, so getting to come on and kind of give it back is super, super awesome for me too. So I appreciate you boys.
Speaker 1:Not just that, man. We love having you man. You know, we like just bullshitting with you. You know we, we appreciate that so you know you're a straight shooter man and that's what we like and we we respect that right.
Speaker 3:So right on. Thanks, boys yeah man.
Speaker 2:Um, that's why we're here, man, and you know, when we first met you a long time ago and, dude, like you, regardless of your own struggles, like your presence and your energy, buddy is it's. You don't find that very often, so we greatly appreciate you being on the show, because it actually helps us as well thank you definitely thank you.
Speaker 2:You know, when you first came on and the first episode like, I only mentioned it briefly last week, but man, I had a really hard day. That day, like to the point where that was, was probably the only time since we've done this show that I didn't want to do it. Yeah, and not because I didn't want to is because I felt I couldn't, like I was head on the table. I had a really hard day. You know, you get laid off, your car stolen, all this shit in the same day Wallet, wallet, you name it and it was the hard one. And fraud, having yeah and uh and the fraud and uh, having you on and people like you around, man, is it definitely lifted me up and fucking, I forgot having you was made me forget all of that for that hour and it just turned out to be just exactly what I needed. It was like my therapy. You know, we, we, we help you, but sometimes you don't realize that you help people too, right?
Speaker 2:So we we thank you for that. It's a circle right. It's a. It's a circle.
Speaker 1:Um, I just want to say to the people new in TikTok here that's joined our live, we will be chatting back and forth with you guys too, so you guys are part of our podcast, this episode. Ask questions and join in. We encourage it, but anyway, sorry, yeah I'm gonna put that out to everybody there. That's uh watching right now.
Speaker 2:Well, let's uh, first let's dive a little bit into you there. Anthony, I know last time we talked you had a really, really hard day. You know you said that you were pretty emotional. You, you were hard to get out of bed After chatting with us and just listening to what you got going on. How are you feeling today compared to the last time?
Speaker 3:For real, today was, if I'm being straight up, today was probably worse than than last week. I'm not going to lie, but the thing is is like, like you were saying, join me, coming on, how do you dragging me on last week helped me? You know, like last week I just realized that, like I have a lot of inner and self work to do in terms of, like, learning how to grieve and being okay with myself, and that's kind of what we talked about last week. Today it was an overall good day and out of the fucking blue, I'm at work and I get a quote, unquote pocket dial from my ex. I haven't spoken to her in three, four months, no form of contact, and I get a pocket dial. I know my number's blocked, I know my number's not saved in her phone. How the fuck did you pocket dial me, whatever, anyways. So that sent me for a fucking loop.
Speaker 3:And then, yeah, I came home and I knew I was starting back in therapy today. So that was great, thanks, fucking God. And I literally just spent an hour just trauma dumping on this woman and then I had connected with my sponsor and you know like, in the grand scheme of things, if, if, mentally and emotionally I was where I was last week. There's no way I'd be on here tonight as a result of coming on here last week talking to you guys, figuring out some stuff and doing the things that need to be fucking done to make sure that I'm okay, first and foremost. Yeah, that's what got me through today, like we were talking before, right like for when I started back in therapy, which is huge for me, um, definitely yeah man.
Speaker 3:And then, yeah, like, I've been in the gym, I've been meal prepping, I've been taking care of my home for myself and my children. I'm not leaving laundry laying around, I'm not leaving dishes in the sink, I'm just doing the things that need to be done first and foremost. And if I'm done doing my things, then it's time to fucking rest, that's it.
Speaker 3:Right, and then, like I was saying before, I hired a life coach. I hired a life coach which I'm going to start with him on friday. Um, it's just, it's it's time for me, man. That's what it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, good you know I'm proud of you, man. You're doing all the right steps like this is. This is huge man. You're taking back your life yeah, you know you know, like, like we always say, you know you're not letting these people live rent free in your head anymore. You know, you know, like, like we always say, you know you're not letting these people live rent free in your head anymore. You need to.
Speaker 2:You're you're, you're taking that shit back, man, so that's right well, it's all about taking that power back in yourself and that energy back. You know, and, uh, like you said, you, you took a lot of big, huge steps in one day. Yeah, the therapy, the life coach, the meal prepping, and that's all within a week that we've talked to you like that is massive. Some people take a couple months before they make an appointment to see a counselor, yeah, but a lot of people stay in that victim mentality. Poor me, I feel sorry for myself and I just want everyone to you know, tell me nice things and hug me, but what are you doing about it? Yeah, exactly, you're not doing anything about it, but you, you're already taking that initiative and, fuck man, we are proud of you as shit.
Speaker 3:Thank you, and that's what it was last week it was eric saying so what are you doing about it? It's like, well, shit, like right now I'm not really doing much. It's like I better start doing something. And I know it's not like for the people listening. I know it sounds like a lot of big steps, but it's literally as easy as picking up the fucking phone and saying I need help. I don't care who it's to you just gotta pick up the phone.
Speaker 3:That's where it starts. I didn't do this all in one day. I know it's a lot has happened in a week, but you know like I've been in this type of shit before, so I've I know what to do. It's just a matter of getting up and doing it. It's fucking hard, man. It's super easy to lay in that bed and curl up in a ball and cry and feel bad for yourself. Fuck, that's, that's. That's my safe place, man. That's where I lived most of my life Fuck that's my safe place, man.
Speaker 3:That's where I lived most of my life. I felt bad for being a drug addict and an alcoholic. I blamed the world for all my problems and that was my safe place. If I bury myself down as deep as far as I can go and curl up in a ball and feel bad, I can blame everybody else and I don't have to look at myself.
Speaker 1:I did that for a long time. You're hiding.
Speaker 3:You're hiding away from everything. That's you're hiding. You're hiding away from everything. That's right. Bingo, yeah, that's right. So done with that shit, man. But again it's hard, it's fucking hard. I didn't want to come on the podcast last week because it was poor me and joey's the one. It's just like nah, you know what, just fucking come on. I'm like all right, what time is it at? Cool, this time, this time, sweet, I'll be on. But how did you feel after it? Oh, great man, like coming on last week is what set in motion the things that I've accomplished in the week.
Speaker 1:That's awesome, man Right.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, dude.
Speaker 3:It's just a snowball effect.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you got to keep that up, though, right, oh, yeah, yeah, the hardest part, too, is consistency, yeah, right because you have life, you got kids, you, you gotta work, we all gotta work.
Speaker 2:Yeah is the. The consistency is is why most people fall off. Not saying that you will, but that's the one where, no matter what, you make that time and you build that momentum in your mind like a habit. Right Now you're going back to the gym, if you know you got your kids for a whole week and there's no possible way you go to the gym. Keep that momentum and do pushups in your bedroom for half an hour. That's it.
Speaker 2:And it's not about the result, it's the momentum, because, like, for example, with COVID, they shut the gyms down for three months or whatever it was. I bought a couple of weights. I hate working out in my house, but I had to keep that momentum because that was one of those tools that I had to keep in my back pocket is to keep feeling better about myself. And back then, the beginning of COVID is I was really dealing with a lot of other shit at the time. So I was struggling and I just I had no matter what. Even when I had my kids, they. So I was struggling and I just I had no matter what. Even when I had my kids. They went to sleep, I gave 20 minutes on the on sit-ups, whatever. Yeah, and the moment keeping that momentum with your meal prep, and then eventually it becomes a habit like anything else yeah, and then a month after building that momentum and whatever it is that you're, you up and the gym and whatever else the therapy is.
Speaker 2:Once you miss it, now you'll start to feel shitty because you didn't do it. Instead of, a lot of people are like, well, I don't care, I don't have time, and they don't feel bad about it. They're just making excuses. But now you're building a momentum so that, well, I didn't go to the gym for two days. Now I'm feeling shitty because I didn't go, which pushes you mentally to go back, and that's just that. The habit that you're creating. It's the consistency and staying on top of that, no matter what.
Speaker 2:You can't. It and everyone with life especially is is the distractions. Right, yeah, the friends want to go out for a beer on friday and then this girl wants to go on a date on tuesday and and people like, yeah, okay, then I skip it or I don't go do this and I miss my counseling because I'd rather go sit at the freaking beer garden with my buddies. And then you lose that momentum because do you know how many times I've had like two weeks of just drilling the gym? This I did fucking crossfit yoga, whatever it is that I was doing, and I was just. And then one night out, fuck the whole momentum. And then three, four days go by now I didn't go to my appointment, I didn't go to the gym.
Speaker 3:You know what it is too People like to rest on their victories, right? Well, I accomplished this, so now I can take my foot off the gas. I'm a fucking champion at doing that. It was like the 75 hard we were talking about. I made it 43 days, best 43 days of my life. The minute I was done, back to drinking just fucking pop. No water, eating like shit, not going to the gym. It's like you let your foot off the gas like you're fucked.
Speaker 1:Oh man, shit, not going to the gym. It's like you let your foot off the gas like you're fuck. Well, man, it goes that fast dude, yeah, but the bottom line is. The bottom line is this is your life, yeah, and you gotta do what. What you gotta do and I mean, if you're gonna slack off, you're, it's. It's gonna be a fucking rough ride, yeah, right, and people just need to understand that, you know. But I mean, you can only tell someone to do something, so much, it's all about that person. Right.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And and what it is is like you. What you you've accomplished in just this short um time is fucking awesome.
Speaker 3:Thank you yeah.
Speaker 1:But you know and it all, but I'm just saying he took charge of like what, what was going on. You know, I mean he, he had that like clarity of like, okay, if, if I keep on doing this or feeling like this, you know it's, it's not going to be good, it's going to be shitty. I don't want to live like this. I want to be happy, and that's exactly what look be good. It's going to be shitty. I don't want to live like this. I want to be happy and that's exactly what. Look he's, he's he's. Look at him. He's good, looking, happy man. You know he's proud of himself and that, and that's what he should be. You know you pat yourself on the back, man, and that's amazing. I'm proud of you, man. I just want to Thanks man. This is why it's Men's Mental Health Month. You know what I mean and you're a product of it right now, man.
Speaker 1:You know Thank you. So keep up the good work, man. We're proud of you.
Speaker 2:But it all boils down to what's important, right? Yeah, if anything that's important in your life, you're going to make an effort, no matter how busy you are. Yeah, you will find the time because it is that important to you. Anything else is a fucking excuse period. And everyone just likes to make excuses for themselves because you know it's their fault that I can't do this, or I'm busy because I gotta do laundry and I got kids. Well, you have a living room. You can do push-ups, if that's what it is. If you know I'm complaining because I'm overweight, but yet what are you doing about it? Yeah, oh, I'm too busy, then it's not important. So stop complaining because that's not important in your day to make that change.
Speaker 2:So when you're dealing with things like what we've all dealt with and what you're dealing with, it's being self-aware, knowing that you're tired of feeling this way, and you and you said it earlier is the biggest key to all of it is taking accountability in your own suffering and looking at yourself in the mirror and be like. You know what. I'm like this because of me. It wasn't them, it me. But most people will struggle and struggle and won't look at themselves in the mirror. To take that account and be well, how do you expect to change? I watch a lot of motivational videos, and David Goggins is a big one Huge. And one of the things he says, especially for people that are trying to lose weight well, if you're fat, you have to tell yourself you're huge. And one of the things he said, especially for people that are trying to lose weight well, if you're fat, you have to tell yourself you're fat in order to lose the weight and believe that you are yeah in order to make that change, but that goes for anything you have.
Speaker 2:You have to be honest with yourself, and nobody wants to look at themselves in the mirror and be honest with them and admit that I'm fucked up. Yeah, or whatever. It may be right if you're not willing, if you're not willing to make that change.
Speaker 2:You're obviously okay with the way things are that's all I do yeah yeah, yeah, and whatever it is that you don't change, you're choosing yeah, so think about that. So, whatever it is that you are not changing about yourself, you are choosing to live like that and then just be the way you are.
Speaker 3:Well, take even me getting back into the gym. Man Like my, I know the excuses I was telling myself. I have split custody with my kid's mom. We're on a two, two, three schedule. So I'll have them Monday, tuesday, she'll have them Wednesday, tuesday, she'll have them wednesday, thursday, then I have them all weekend.
Speaker 3:I work a job from seven in the morning till five ish at night. Sometimes I work late, I work outside. It's freaking 40 degrees outside. I'm too tired and I just got to the point where it's like no fuck that if you really wanted to go to the gym, you would fucking go like you've done it before. If you wanted to go to the gym, you would fucking go Like you've done it before. If you wanted to go, you go. Well, my gym closes at 10 o'clock. It's closed at 8 pm on Friday, saturday and Sunday.
Speaker 3:Cool, I've got a fucking membership for Planet Fitness. That's an extra 20 minutes away. So what? I have to drive a little bit further Saturday night because I have my kids and I have someone who can wash them. Once they're asleep I can go. It's just if I choose not to, then I'm not going to go. If I'm going to make excuses, then those are my excuses, and I just got to the point where I'm like that, like you can sit here and say you want to go to the gym, but until you actually go, like nothing's going to happen. So that's where I've got. It's like cool, you have your kids monday and tuesday. Get your father to just sit upstairs while they're asleep and go from 8 till 10 o'clock because they're open till 10. If they're not open, cool Drive the extra 20 minutes, go to Planet Fitness and next time over pass that one.
Speaker 1:I'm going to invent some kind of shock collar for shit like that where as soon as you start making excuses, it starts shocking you until you follow through with the actions. There we go million dollar idea yeah, buddy, there we go um, yeah, but, but yeah, it's whatever.
Speaker 2:That's important, man, and especially when and I'm not talking about weight, I'm talking about your mental state and the dark rooms that we sit in on the day to day and the traumas that we haven't dealt with yet and the biggest thing is being self aware of that and knowing, like you is realizing that you do these things and realizing that that and you have to look at yourself in order to fix that and a lot of people just exist and stay in that constant state of depression of just being okay. They're not happy, they're not sad, they're just okay and then they just coast through life and they don't even live their life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's true man, because it's easier for them to just shut it out and go to a job they don't really care about, with no real end game and no goals, and come home and watch Netflix, you know, instead of looking at themselves seeking the help to face those demons and tackling that, because it's triggers and it's too hard and they don't want to talk about it. And then they go and they just rather just shut it out and bottle it up. And bottle it up and, especially as men, we've done it for years and I did it for years. Yeah, it just built up and built up to the point where I almost took my own life because of it, because I just didn't deal with it. And I'm a man and I'm okay and I'll deal with it Like I don't need to. You know, I can put on a fake smile and, like we talked about last week, even with your children, your wife or whoever's around you, you're there, but you're not present at all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, not present, yeah, at all. Yeah, you know. Then that's the biggest thing is finding that, that finding that clarity, and so you can go day to day and be present, right, but until, in order to do that, you have to work on fixing what's going on inside your head in that poison mind.
Speaker 1:What's that saying? You got to get your mind right before you get your grind right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100% it is man, but then you also have to grind to get your mind right. It is fucking hard, just like Anthony said. It is one of the hardest things you can do is coming trying to find the light in that dark room when you don't even want to wake up the next day. You feel like it's easier to just let go of the steering wheel of my car driving down the highway.
Speaker 1:Well, think of it, this man, you're battling the most biggest end boss there is, and that's yourself. You know what I mean. You're battling your own mindset, so your mind knows your mind, so you're tricking yourself thinking that it's okay, like you were saying earlier. You know you did this, so now you can celebrate. You know what I mean, so now you can celebrate. You know what I mean, and it's it's. It's your own battle of your own mind is the hardest battle that you're ever gonna have to go through.
Speaker 3:I used to listen to this song. It was called talk to a friend. I don't know if I talked about this the first time I was on, but in the lyrics it says I would never talk to a friend. The way that I talk to myself and like that's one thing that I'm trying to work on, is like more positive self-talk, because like yeah, I'm sure you guys have dealt with it. Being fathers, like the things that we say to ourselves in our heads about like being a father, I call it dad guilt, like I get dad guilt all the time I think joey, I think you talked about it last week, wasn't it?
Speaker 3:and it's like fuck, I could have done this, I should have done this, I should have spent a little bit more time with my kids, and it's like getting out of your own way, like your kids don't know that you're.
Speaker 3:That's the problem with being a man is like we suffer in silence, nobody understands, like how we operate and I do this daily man, you know, and that that's that's one thing I'm trying to work on. Is that more positive self-talk. Like it's okay to be tired. Let's say, one day a week when I get home from work, if it's 30 degrees plus humidity outside and I've got my kids and I come home and I'm just tired and it's craft dinner and cut up vegetables for dinner. You know, yeah, but to sit there and feel bad about that and sit in it isn't going to change anything. Like you have to, for one, cut yourself some fucking slack, because it's not like you just weren't home present with your kids all day. You were out, yeah, trying to make money to be able to put fucking even if it's craft dinner and cut up vegetables in front of them.
Speaker 1:Like that's it man, you're putting still food on the table, you're still feeding them at the end of the day, you know, I mean if that's the capacity you have at that moment. I mean, so what? One day? You know what I mean. Two days, whatever. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know just we're so fucking hard on ourselves as men I always have been, and that's like the self-awareness that I'm working on like that shit didn't happen overnight, right it's. It's taking that that little amount of light in the dark room.
Speaker 3:It's not like you gotta walk in that dark room, find the switch and flick it on and just fucking look at everything it's like finding a little bit of light and just start peeling away the layers say, your last room and it's all painted black and you find that one little paint chip hole and you start picking at that paint chip hole and it just over time, like I didn't want to admit that I treat myself like shit, like I treat myself worse than anybody else in my life ever has. Christy McRow just broke up with me a couple months ago. I treat myself worse than she does. I'm the one putting myself through the torture, not her. It's working a little bit and a little bit and a little bit until you can be able to stand back and look at the bigger picture of stuff.
Speaker 3:Like Joey said, if you're struggling with your weight, if you can stand back and look at the bigger picture of stuff, like if, like joey said, like if you're struggling with your weight, if you can stand back and look at it and be like, okay, I'm having a hard time with my weight, that's enough. That's a little bit okay. Well now, what do you do about it? Are you just going to sit there and tell yourself that you're having a hard time with your weight, or what are you going to do about it? Yeah, and get a gym membership. Don't go to the gym for the first fucking month. Get a gym membership Cool. Then drive by, pull in the parking lot, then go home, then go back the next day and eventually you'll make it through that fucking door as long as you keep showing up every day to that gym, sooner or later you're going to walk through that fucking door Definitely.
Speaker 3:We make all these big plans in our head Like this is what I need to change tomorrow. I need to wake up, I need to get a life coach, I need to fucking meal prep, I need to be a present father and I have to do all this stuff after working 10 plus hours at my job. No, it doesn't work like that. The fact that I have the ability to make the changes in my life that I've made in a week that's over years of doing the work, so that I have the capacity to be able to wake up and do those things as according as I need to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you don't want to overload yourself if you you haven't been putting in the work in the past, because if you do all do that, then you're going to just get overwhelmed and then you're just going to be hiding under the blankets again because you don't want to go anywhere, because you know you're just, you're stressed out, you've got anxiety and it's just like, oh my God, I've got to go here, I've got to go there, I've got to go there. I've got no time for myself. You know what? Fuck this? I'm going to stay home. This one time. This one time ends up to be every other single time. I'll go next time and then I'll go next time. Next thing, you know, you're stuck under your blankets for the whole week. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, I think when we're really hard on ourselves, especially the men, I think it stems, I think, from my experience, from something in your past, and the reason I say that is me. Just like you, I am so hard on myself, you know, and people tell me oh, you're doing a great job and you, you help this person and look what you're up doing, you're a great dad. But then some days I stand in front of the mirror when I'm by myself and I don't feel like I'm doing anything, yeah, and I just it's not to me, it's not enough. But when other people, when I look at what I'm doing now I don't know anybody else that's doing it, and I was just talking about this podcast. I'm doing a lot of other things on the side and positive things, and but it took years, like you, to build those tools and to be able to be aware and be able to to pull this off and to work on these things, yeah, but you know, like, for me, I was extremely hard on myself.
Speaker 2:It was like I have two kids with two moms. One is a homeless drug addict for the last four years and to my 14-year-old son and my daughter, who's seven, the first couple years of her life was a living hell with her mother and her boyfriends and et cetera, et cetera. So they didn't work. She didn't work, then she's a drug addict and I took extra weight on my shoulders, overworking myself to try to make up for their downfalls, spreading yourself too thin, you know, yeah, and I spread myself where I drove myself into the ground because, well, mom won't do this, mom won't do that, mom won't do that, and it's just me. So I looked at it like it was just me, and even the nights that I can only give them Kraft dinner and cut out vegetables, it made me like they were happy. They love Kraft dinner, they're kids. But in my mind is I should be giving them mashed potatoes and steak and turkey and this shit.
Speaker 2:And all this because it wasn't good enough to me and I struggled hard and every day, even my family is like you need to slow down Because you're way overworking yourself. This is where I started to learn gratitude, and that's a big one, and you hear a lot on, you know, social media, and then the number one thing is gratitude for the things that you do have. Yeah, you know, and if you know that you can get more or feed them bigger dinners, then you just got to put in the work to do that. But in the meantime, if you look around, my kids are laughing and loving craft. They'll eat craft dinner every fucking night yeah and no problem.
Speaker 2:I don't even have to ask them like what's for dinner? Craft dinner.
Speaker 1:I do have a problem, man. You know what's with the ketchup, though, on the craft, oh, I don't know, is it?
Speaker 3:I don't drown it, yeah, I don't that's.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:That's disgusting Anyone who puts ketchup on their Kraft dinners.
Speaker 2:They should be on the show because you've got problems.
Speaker 3:My daughter used to drink it, literally drink it when she was fucking four.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, yeah, too much for me, man. I don't know, for some reason it just makes me just.
Speaker 2:I just like no, no but, like I'm saying, though, is is the gratitude, and once you try it, once you learn to flip your perspective on things and how you look at things, you be amazed at how even the fogginess in your mind starts to change, and the people that start coming around you and the things that happen, because, instead of I used to be, because I was struggling so bad and we all did it with the retail therapy like I talked about before, we all do it or find different things to make ourselves feel better, but it's only only temporary. It lasts a day or two a week, and then you're back to feeling like shit again. Right, but when you start to flip instead of what I don't have and what I can't do right now to man, actually my house is pretty nice. I got nice furniture, just the little things you'd be surprised.
Speaker 2:My kids are happy. I see them every week. You know my car is decent. I got a good job. Whatever it is that you guys got going on, your life is looking at that rather than looking at what you don't have or wishing that you could have, and if it's something that you wish you could have, well, that's where the effort comes into getting to, getting to and getting the things that are important to you. It's effort, otherwise you're making excuses. I'll never get that because I only make this much money well now.
Speaker 2:You'll never get it because you just told yourself that yeah, I'm changing your mindset, man, you know it's changing your perspective on how you look at things, and and just and like I just said earlier, is the distractions are the biggest thing for a lot of people, right, right, well, I'll just go do this, and now I'm in my phone for two hours, and then now I'm tired and now I'll do it tomorrow, and then you never get it and you never do it. And those are the people that are existing because they choose not to put in the effort to get the things that they want and live the life that they want to live, except they're so busy living for other people, people pleasers and they're doing things they don't really want to do. It's going to make them happy and makes them miserable. You just do the things that make you happy, that you find your purpose and find things that bring joy to your life.
Speaker 1:Well, you know what the biggest thing, man, that, like a lot of people really don't understand is the more you think about you know the problem, the more the problem is just going to grow. And be there You're feeding that shit. It's like that. That movie in the book the secret, you know, you. You put out good, good thoughts. You know all these affirmations and stuff. You know like what's his face? Wrote that check we talked about this before wrote himself a million dollar check and put it on his fridge to himself, and he made that.
Speaker 1:You know it's about putting that mental like mindset out there. The more you're gonna say, though you know, poor me, poor me, you know. The more you're going to say, though you know, poor me, poor me, you know, the more you're just going to fuck your whole shit up, man, you know it's all about having the mindset of I'm not going to fail. Like we say, a boxer doesn't go into a ring knowing he's saying I'm going to get my ass kicked, I'm going to go and get my ass beat. You know I'm going to go and get my ass beat. You know, because you're going to go in there. If you say that your ass is going to get beat. You know, boxers go on that ring and they're like I'm going to whip that guy's ass, I'm going to knock his head right off.
Speaker 1:You know it's all about that mentality and the mindset that you bring to the table. Right. The more you talk about the problems as in, like in a bad way. You know, the more you fill your head up with it and the more you stress over it, the more you. You know how it circles in your head and it just plays over and over. You know it's unhealthy. It's the way we got to cut that shit out somehow.
Speaker 2:Well, that's the number one symptom for depression is rumination, because you obsess over the problem 100%, not the solution. Yeah, and we all do. We're human right. You can have 10 amazing things going on in your life and you have one really bad thing You're not even thinking about those 10 things.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's all that. One bad thing, yeah, but we're human. But that's where the depression comes in and the sadness and all that because you ruminate on it, yeah, this and all that because you, you ruminate on it, yeah, you're. That's all you're thinking about. So every day you wake up, that's what your new day is now more stress and more depression. And what do you think that's going to attract in the energy that you're putting out there? That's true, because I a huge believer of the energy. Because if you notice, like when you're in a good place mentally and you're laughing more and you're more present and with your kids and your wife, and then all of a sudden you get good news, and then now you meet these awesome people on your vacation and then all these positive things start coming to your life because that's the energy you're bringing out. But if you're sitting there every day, I hate my job and I'm lonely and I'm sad and then you just sit on that day in and day out, all you're going to attract is sad, lonely people.
Speaker 2:And that's why most of the relationships, when you look back in the relationship side have failed is because you guys were still dealing with shit that you never dealt with and ended up ending because of that. And people don't look at it like that, because the best version of you Will never be good enough For the wrong person, right? So, when you become the best version of yourself, even when you go through a rough patch, and because that's life, we're going to deal with shit as we get older, especially Even when you go through a rough patch, and because that's life and we're going to deal with shit as we get older, especially even when you go through those kinds of things and you're struggling or you're really down, the right person is still going to be there. That's right. Right. But until you get to that level and it's always a work in progress every day to be that best version of yourself then that's when you will find the one that they talk about.
Speaker 2:That's when you'll find the real relationship, the real friends is because you, you've worked on and did the work on yourself, because that's who you're now attracting is someone else who's done the work on themselves. Yeah, the friends that are more positive and uplifting and supportive, not the friends that just want to drink because they're fucked up and they're dealing with their own shit or choose not to deal with their shit. And then you attract this woman who has severe daddy issues and child trauma that she never dealt with. But you attracted that because you got shit that you never dealt with my favorite fuck.
Speaker 1:I think that's all of us man that like we. I mean I'm going to counseling, right, I do it every Wednesdays, you know, and I'm still dealing with shit, you know just.
Speaker 2:But you know what, at least you're taking this yeah, but you're taking the steps, and that's where a big part of why we do this is to encourage people to take those steps, because it there is nothing wrong with saying I fucked up, yeah, or there's nothing wrong with saying I need help.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man, I am struggling as a man and I don't know what else to do anymore, because when you hit that point and you, just like you know, know you started to get to that point. Anthony, like you were saying, you're just like. I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm done, I'm tired of the failed relationships. Just like I was. I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of not being present when my family comes over for dinner and my kids want to throw the ball. I want to be there in the moment and enjoy the moment with the people that I love. So we encourage anybody, like when. It is okay to talk about your problems, it is okay to admit that there's something wrong and that you need help, and if you don't know where to look, ask, you know. And it's okay to cry. We're human beings. I don't care how big you are. It's fucking if your body's telling you you want to cry because you're sad. It's okay to be sad.
Speaker 2:It's okay to not be okay yeah but you know when you, when you feel you heal, right, but we bury that, especially the, the men. Ah, fuck that, I'm not crying over this girl.
Speaker 1:I'm not doing this and I'll be fine.
Speaker 2:I don't want to tell my wife that I'm crying by myself every time I go to the bathroom or whatever it is, because you're burying it, you're hiding it, you're pushing it away, but how are you supposed to deal with it? It's the same as looking at yourself and taking accountability. If you don't, you're just pushing the problem away and you're not dealing with it. So you're going to have the same problem next year and the year after that, and then you're going to be like, well, why isn't this changing? Because you're not changing.
Speaker 1:Well, two things, man, and it's this simple it really is. It's either you want it or you don't. It's that fucking simple. You know what I mean you want to get the help or you don't. If you don't, then you're content in feeling this way until maybe something does click. And it's sad because we are We've all, at least our, our generation have been raised like that. You know, bottle it up. I remember I was depressed and my dad calls me and he's like your mom says that you're real down and depressed. Just fucking suck it up, get over it.
Speaker 1:That's what he said yeah, you know that's what he said Get over it. That's that's how we were raised. You know that's why he said get over it. That's how we were raised. You don't have feelings.
Speaker 1:You know it was hard when my daughter she got mauled by a dog, had 400 stitches in her face when she was four years old and I had to be the tough one. You know everybody else was freaking out around. You know my daughter's screaming. She's like got her face ripped right open.
Speaker 1:I'm seeing like the inside it was the most, the hardest thing, you know, standing there and not being able to help her. You know, just feel defeated. You can't do anything, right. So I have to play this role of being strong for her, even though inside I'm just dying. You know what I mean. That's your little one and as a man we have to do those things to keep the family together and it's hard, it's really hard. Where's the balance? It's hard, it's really hard, like, where's the balance? And then I would go home and like by myself, I would just be, I felt defeated and I would just cry and pretty much scream in my pillow. Man, you know that. My little daughter, my little girl, my princess, her face got ripped off but I just couldn't show anybody because I had to stay strong for the family. Because I mean my kid's mom at the time she was just hysterical what happened. And then my daughter. She got attacked by a dog and had emergency plastic surgery in her face, had 18 doctors. It was insane and just holding that weight.
Speaker 2:It's hard being a man and holding that together but like that's what we do, you know, and it's a struggle, definitely, you know, and that's why we really promote this is, you know, situations like what you had to deal with and a lot of people have dealt with horrific and traumatic things in their life.
Speaker 2:We see it every day, like it's just. It's really heartbreaking to see a lot of these stories and the murders and the things that happen to these children and and you know, but if you've had to deal with these kind of things, it's especially as a man trying to hold it together in certain in these situations is man, you can't bottle it up, no, you have to release it. You have to get out there and figure out how to add tools to your tool belt to be able to get through the next day. And you know, and give yourself that little bit of a push and, like anthony said, man, it took years to get to a certain point, to to build those tools, to be able to be self-aware and realize, like I know, if I do this, this will happen.
Speaker 3:I know, if I don't do this, I'm going to feel like this yeah, but have you regardless of these have you guys ever heard the life is hard, pick your hard. Have you heard that before? I haven't. Yeah. So life is hard. Being healthy is hard. Being unhealthy is hard.
Speaker 1:Pick your heart oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I heard that yeah being a man is hard.
Speaker 3:Bottling up your emotions is hard. Talking about it is hard. What fucking hard do you want to pick? Yeah, like it's all hard, nobody I don't know anybody who's aside from Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos, who are absolutely fucking winning at life?
Speaker 1:I wouldn't say that I don't know, man. You never even know what's going on behind closed doors.
Speaker 3:That's true. You know what I?
Speaker 1:mean that's true, didn't.
Speaker 2:Jeff.
Speaker 1:Bezos' wife leave him or something like that, and he had to pay, like all this money. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Money, you know I mean that's hard, yeah, but that's like pocket change out of my wallet, fuck yeah. But the other thing is, like I, I feel like, as men, like there's so much when it comes to opening up and talking about like the type of stuff that you guys talk about here, there's a lot of fear in in talking about it, like you guys say, breaking the silence and breaking the stigma on what it actually is, because we've been conditioned to believe that we have to be the tough ones. So what you guys are asking of men is to basically throw everything they think they know aside about being a man and fucking break your walls down. That's terrifying. You're stepping into something you don't even know.
Speaker 3:But I, I use this line in recovery all the time and it totally applies here too. None of us three on this screen got to where we are today without starting with one day and just saying I need help. That we don't know what that help looks like, but it started with one fucking day of saying I can't do this anymore, I need help. Is that a fair statement to say I don't want to speak?
Speaker 1:100 man that's how I got where I am, man you know one fucking day that's what it started with right.
Speaker 3:So so, yeah, like fear is a big thing and yeah, like it's not easy. No, but for me, like I know you guys have talked about this before but like my biggest fear was like being perceived as weak or or people thinking that I wasn't a man. You know, like me going to rehab for my addictions, like I felt like the biggest piece of shit because I couldn't hold my life together, I couldn't hold the business down, I couldn't hold a relationship with the mother and my kids down, I couldn't hold a relationship with my kids down. I felt like the biggest piece of shit for getting to that level. But I'll tell you right now that was my biggest achievement, like it literally was, because out of that, I have an amazing relationship with my kids. I have an amazing relationship with the mother of my kids. I still have a good job.
Speaker 3:You know, like I had this fear that. Let's take it like this for example, I've been on the show a couple times. You guys do this show every week. How many times has someone like reached out to you guys and been like you guys are fucking losers for doing what you're doing? Has anybody ever done that?
Speaker 3:uh no not that I've known yet I bet you, before you started, there was probably a slight instance of fear of like this isn't going to go well oh, of course we're like, we're wondering, like you know, this is, this is scary to us.
Speaker 1:I didn't even want I'm, but I hate pictures, I hate videos, like even on the other ones they would like, they would say and I'm out of my comfort zone. Now I'm like all over tiktok my shit's on on youtube. My face is everywhere. We're talking.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean oh, it took months before eric would even go live on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man yeah, you know what I mean. So this is like breaking down boundaries, bro yeah, thank you, tiktok.
Speaker 3:Yeah, man, that's, it's like getting outside of that fear. Fear isn't even fucking real. Fear is the idea, it's a scenario that your head plays out that you don't want it to go. Yeah, right, and talking about your shit man is the most freeing thing that I've ever done.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's going to hurt though some parts you have to go through some of those pain and shit, but at the end of the day, there's light right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's right, and you don't have to talk about that type of stuff on TikTok Live. I feel you guys are extremely open books. I'm an extremely open book. I don't really give a shit To me. The struggles that I face are my biggest tools to help other people, and I know you guys feel the same right.
Speaker 3:But if you're scared to talk about your shit, that's what therapists are for. There's dedicated therapists for different types of traumas, like PTSD therapists. Sexual abuse therapy like child abuse. There's people who spent time out of their life to get educated in that line of work so that they can. They are best suited to help you, whatever it looks like there's somebody out there and if you don't know, reach out to these two guys or fucking google it, man, like they're out there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we can help out. We've done it before yeah you know. So I mean, we're well, even if you want to just bullshit, like we're here to bullshit, yeah, we can help out. We've done it before. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So I mean, even if you want to just bullshit we're here to bullshit yeah.
Speaker 2:But you got to take that struggle and embrace it. Like we talked about last week briefly, is like you know the pain that you're going through right now, whether it's heartbreak or you know. And it's heartbreak or you know and it doesn't feel like it because of how painful it is, waking up every day and ruminating on that depression and and trauma or whatever it is that's going on in your life is that is your biggest opportunity and it is your biggest blessing.
Speaker 2:And it's hard to really and you don't see that because you feel like you're going to feel like this forever. And that's where a lot of people get to the point of unaliving themselves is because they've sat in it for a period of time where they just think it's never going to go away, yeah, and they can't deal with that pain anymore. Yeah, it's true, but you got to realize is that all feelings are temporary and you can get through it. There are brighter days on the other end, but you have to embrace the struggle that you are in right now and use that as a passport to elevate yourself into a better version of yourself. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:Here's a prime example, because that's exactly what you told me last week, and when you told me, my first thought in my mind was yeah, yeah, you say this all the time on the podcast. You've said this to me before. In that moment, it doesn't feel that way, but look at the opportunity that I took within a week as a result of that situation right and you know what?
Speaker 1:not even that, bro. Like you're doing all these good things, you know and you're gonna attract good things towards you you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:It's it's your energy, like there is energy. It's a true science fact that we, we have energy, we put out energy, there's energy and everything right. Yeah, and you're, you're. You have this good juke jubes fall all around you. You know what I mean. And like you're gonna, you're gonna suck that shit in man, and that's the best part. Good things are gonna start coming your way. I've seen it personally with joey, like I've seen it.
Speaker 1:You know like he's had, like, all of a sudden, all these things are like happening to him in an instant after, like you know, he was like got his shits together, he's on track, you know, and it's just bang, bang, bang, bang and it was awesome, man, you know.
Speaker 2:So it's, that's, it comes, man, it's, it's a true thing but even in a week, from talking to you, I can see a difference in your face. And you know and that's another thing is when you're in that dark room or and you're trying to figure out ways to at least open the door, crack to get some light in. You know, like you said, you can't just walk in, flip up a switch the next day and now you see everything. You know, it's a, it's a gradual process of that door creeping open slowly and starting to let the light in. Yeah, but when you're able to, like you said that you you went to a therapy session, you booked a fitness trainer or whatever life coach, and just by doing that, it is now giving yourself something to look forward to and not sitting on so much of what the what your struggle is right now, at the moment yeah right.
Speaker 2:So now you're refilling your mind with positives, and that's the biggest thing is these little tiny things that we've preached for the last year. Yeah is, every day is to find those little positives, those little wins, and just running an errand is a positive thing, getting something done yeah, yeah, that's, that's been my making yeah, or lot, for me it's laundry, but it's those little things.
Speaker 2:And making that appointment, setting yourself up, like you or whoever. If you decided, you know what, I'm going to make some changes and I'm going to start with getting healthier, fitness-wise, and you book 10 sessions with a fitness trainer. Well, now you know, tuesdays, thursdays, whatever you have something to look forward to now. Now you have a little bit more in your mind. That's a positive, rather than just dwelling constantly on the shit that you are struggling with. Yeah, right, and that's how you build in that slow, gradual process where you're able to open that door wide up, wide open, and let that light in. You know what I mean. So take those little steps.
Speaker 2:As hard as it is in the days that you're crying in a corner and you're feeling like shit, just force yourself to get up, make a phone call, even one phone call. One thing today, you know just that. One little thing is like you know I need to see the doctor, I need to find a counselor. I know I got to lose weight. I'm making an appointment to get a membership tomorrow. I know I got to save a bit more money and all these little tiny things to add, to make you feel better, because when you are struggling and alone, feeling alone and sad and depressed, that starts to trickle into everything else in your life, right? So if you can keep up on the other things, you eventually start to outrun that sadness and depression, because now you're rebuilding yourself, right?
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:So doing those small little things is massive in your recovery, on rebuilding yourself. And a lot of people who sit in it for a year, two years, three years, never dealt with their shit for five years is because they chose not to deal with it. They pushed it down, they ignored it and then they just filled their life with distractions, temporary band-aids and now they've just carried it with them them. And they could have got through that and dealt with it a lot better if they would have just tackled it sooner. Well, but instead now that's trickled over into their lives and now it's affected their jobs. Now they're like us failed relationship after failed relationship, attracting the wrong people and the wrong friends. You know, then you get like. For me, I was breaking my own heart with some of these relationships and self-sabotaging and struggling and but it's not just always hurt you're also.
Speaker 1:It's going to be a harder time. The more that you push down and the more that you know you. You just add pile and pile to it. It's gonna be harder to go through that shit. You know what?
Speaker 2:I mean, it's gonna make it more difficult. Anthony, nailed on the head, he's like pick your heart. Yeah, it's when you say it out loud like that, like shit, do I want to feel like this or do I want to feel better? Yeah, they're hard, and especially when you're feeling like that and like for me, I couldn't leave my room for five days probably the word one of the worst feel, the way I felt in my life. Yeah, yeah and I chose that day, screamed at myself to get up. I'm like, which one is harder?
Speaker 2:yeah, I've done that pick your heart I took your own head, man, pick your heart.
Speaker 2:Trap it in your own head, man. Pick your heart. It's extremely hard and worse to stay feeling the way that I felt, and the way that a lot of men feel, than to get up force yourself to the gym, speak to a doctor, seek help and admit that you have issues that you need to fix, and that will be one of the hardest things you've ever done. As well is admitting that you're struggling as a man and, like you said, it's the fear. I don't want to look weak in front of my wife. I don't want my kids to see me cry, and that's not easy. But which heart are you taking? Because the other heart that if you stay in that you are now making not only your life worse and not better, but that hard will now affect and make your children's lives hard. It will make your wife's life hard, your family's life hard, but when you pick the other way, your life will not only get better but your children's lives will get better. Your relationships will get better. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, imagine this man. Imagine you couldn't swim, okay, and you get thrown into the water. You're going to fucking do everything you can to try to get out of that water right. Well, take that mentality into your life. You know the same thing. You're struggling that much to stay alive. You should use that with everything that you do.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, that's everything that you do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know that's the drive you need in order to succeed.
Speaker 3:That's a pretty blocking way to put it.
Speaker 2:It's either harder basically gripping on for your life, almost drowning, splashing around, or is it going to be harder to learn to swim and be able to just you know what I mean float rather than just always constantly struggling to stay up. And that's what a lot of guys are doing, is they're drowning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, you know what I?
Speaker 2:mean, it's true, every day we're gasping for breath.
Speaker 1:And it's sad because we're watching this, you know what I mean. Like we're seeing people, you know our friends, like I've lost so many friends, man, you know They've drowned, as you said, you know. And it's sad and like there's nothing you can do. You know you can help as much as you want but, like I said, you got two choices Either you want it or you don't. And at the bottom, that's the bottom line really, when it comes down to it.
Speaker 3:Are you hungry enough to want to fix yourself or not?
Speaker 2:you are you sick of your own shit. Yet yeah, joey what's that?
Speaker 3:one thing you say, joey, and I'm probably gonna botch it the life that you're dreaming of is in the work that you're avoiding. Is that what it is?
Speaker 2:oh, the yeah, pretty much. It's all. Yeah, the. The life that you're looking for is in the work that you're avoiding. Have you ever heard?
Speaker 3:of Manson's Law of Avoidance I heard a little bit avoiding facing something. That thing has ultimate control over your life, because every decision you make, every thought that you think will be with the premise of not having to face this thing. So, for example, my ex she's in recovery. If I was trying to avoid her, I'm not going to my meetings, I'm not talking to people in my meetings because I don't want to hear about her. If I'm doing everything that I can to avoid her, I'm now doing the one thing that has saved my fucking life and that's going to meetings and being in recovery. If I avoided her like that, that's going to put me at risk and it's going to keep me sick. Not just that man.
Speaker 1:You're not living. You me at risk and it's going to keep me sick, not just that man. You're not living. You're not living because now you're, you're leaving around this, not seeing this other person. You're literally wasting yeah, but you're wasting the most precious thing in this life, and that's time yeah, you know what I mean control you.
Speaker 3:You're trying to avoid it, but what you're ultimately doing is allowing this thing to fucking control you completely.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, and then it consumes your head. Oh, is she over there Is it, over here. I kind of go over there.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. I will relate 100%, because when I went through heartbreak, I wouldn't even drive through the same city that she lived in. Yeah, because I didn't want to see nothing. I didn't want to see nothing, I didn't want to see pictures, I didn't want to talk to people who might talk to her, who might tell me something. Because you're fucked up, like you're hurting, yeah, you just make it. You make it worse, like I didn't want to drive through the city and stop at a gas station.
Speaker 2:It sounds pretty pathetic, but that's where my mind was. That, because I was just. I knew that if I did run into her, if I heard something, it would kill me, it would break me, but there was nothing I could do about it. So I avoided it as much as possible. But again, just like him and just like you said, eric, is that we avoid the things that we need to do in our life or that are like for you is the recovery. We're avoiding things that you know you should be doing, but you're not doing it because of, basically, the the control that you're allowing somebody else to have over your life.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it doesn't even have to be related to relationships, it's anything.
Speaker 3:If you're avoiding having a hard conversation at work with a boss. You feel like you deserve a raise. Well, you're now allowing that to control your entire life. You're allowing yourself to make more money or less money than you feel you deserve because you're avoiding having that conversation. You're putting yourself in a financially unstable position because you're scared of having that conversation. You're avoiding that conversation, you're robbing yourself of opportunities for improvements at work, relationships with your kids. It goes for anything, anything in your life. Ask yourself what you're avoiding. Clean it up, man.
Speaker 1:Clean your fucking room. You know what I mean? Yeah, everything, everything in life. Yep, you know. Well, I think that's it, man. I, I, I, I, I appreciate you, man. You know, this is amazing, you know, appreciate you coming out here yeah, I appreciate you too much more than you know, you know I mean and coming out here,
Speaker 1:Yeah, I appreciate you too, more than you know. You know I mean and I appreciate Joey man. You know, joey, you know we talk every day, man, you're one of my closest friends. I have to say. You know, I'm glad I'm on this journey with you.
Speaker 2:No. I got nothing but love for you, eric family man and anthony family too, buddy and uh talk about gratitude.
Speaker 2:Holy fuck, honestly talk about gratitude yeah, well, we appreciate you man too, you know but just know, you know, just like you, man, you're, you're going through a, a patch, that's all it is, man, and you're gonna fill that hole, and, and you're going to fill that hole and and you're going to come out on top and we got your back, man, no matter what. Yeah, man, and you do, a message me, man, whenever man, and we'll, we'll push you. Well, that's what we're here for, men, no excuses. And you, you only to do that.
Speaker 3:I'm figuring it out as I go, I don't know shit, but I know that I don't know anything, so that's the best place to be. There's no book to this shit.
Speaker 1:No one wrote a book to this shit, even with parenting, you know what I mean. I mean there's books, but no one really. This is life. Anything can happen, you know this ain't a one-size-fits-all?
Speaker 3:no, not at all well, what is it?
Speaker 2:the end of june, july, august, september, why don't? Uh, we would love for you to come back in three months, cool, and I want to see, I want your three months to be your. This is your, your driving force, this is your fucking go time, cool, put your head down, buddy, be the dad that you are fucking and just fucking grind. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Buddy. He's taking a Vancouver trip, hopefully soon bro.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, buddy.
Speaker 3:I looked at flights man. They're like 400 bucks. They're not that bad.
Speaker 1:I told him we'll take him to Longhorns In Wesleyan. Yeah, they're not that bad. I told them we'll take them to Longhorns. Yeah, buddy, that was fun Joey's birthday. We had a great time up there nice we appreciate you man so well.
Speaker 2:Obviously we're just. We're gonna still keep in touch, we're gonna talk to you reach out to us anytime you want anybody listening.
Speaker 2:That's what we're all about, man. If and you reach out to us anytime you want anybody listening, that's what we're all about, man. If you're having a hard time, you're struggling, you feel alone, you feel like you got nobody, fucking, send us an email. Raw minds podcast at gmailcom. Hit us up on my fitness tiktok, the raw minds podcast. Tiktok TikTok. We will answer you, we will phone you, we will direct you if needed and give opinions and help with whatever you guys need help with. That's what we're here for, right.
Speaker 1:Don't think that we're going to feel sorry for you. We're going to help you out. We want you to, to drive hard. You know so we, you know you want to, you want to want it.
Speaker 2:You know, at the end of the day, let's put it this way we're we're not going to tell you what you want to hear.
Speaker 1:We're going to tell you what you need. Yeah, exactly that's what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm because because we care, you know, and your real friends and the people that really care about you will be the ones to tell you what you need to hear, regardless. If you get mad and you don't want to hear it and you don't talk to them for a month or two, that's the people that truly care. Yeah, man, because they care, because you need to hear. You need to hear the truth, not what you want to hear, because if I just told you every time what you want to hear, nothing's going to change. It's just making you feel better for the day.
Speaker 3:My favorite saying is if you want something sugar-coated, go eat a fucking donut.
Speaker 1:Yeah, buddy, I like it.
Speaker 2:Facts. That being said, we thank you all for listening again. We're here every week. We, we ain't stopping. It's. It's not men's mental health month, man, it's, it's every day and that's why we're here. We promote it and you know we look forward to having you guys tune in. Uh, we drop every friday on all platforms and if you're listening on tiktok, thank you guys as well for tuning in and check us out. If you can think of a platform, we're on it. Everyone, every one of them Spotify, itunes, the list goes on. You name it. But Anthony, thank you again. Eric, family, and if you can't find good people, be good people yeah, man, anthony, wow, proud of you, man, honestly thank you I know we talk and stuff, but I mean still men.
Speaker 1:You know, every day you know we're proud of you killing it. We appreciate you, boys you too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you. Um, on that note, thank you everybody else, you know, thank you everybody that's listening around the world. We really appreciate all this. Uh, it's men's mental health awareness month, so, you know, reach out to your friends, make sure that they're okay, you know. If you haven't heard from them for a while, you know, say, hey, you never know, someone might be, you know, hurting. So just uh, I don't do that, help them out. Anyways, on that note, I'm out of here. Be good or be good at it.
Speaker 3:Bye you can't make money if you don't have money you can't make money if you don't have money.
